Friends in Y1

[groovejet]

Hoping people can offer some reassurance on this that things will get better.

Dd2 has just gone into year 2, seemed to be enjoying it until the past couple of mornings she has said that she felt sick. After some probing she has said that the other kids don't want her to play with them and she can't find people to play with in the playground.

Her older sister has also told me that she has seen her in the playground and in the lunch room by herself, dd1 and her friends sat with her one day as dd2 was on a table only with some of the much older year groups.

Feel gutted, dd2 is very outgoing so was not expecting this, she is one of the very youngest in her year which may have an effect. In reception she was fine no very close friends but her reception teacher said she was popular with everybody and played with lots of different people. It does seem that this has held her back as the other children especially the girls have paired off in twos or fours so dd2 is struggling to find her footing.

Have mentioned to her teacher they will monitor, just hoping that children can recover from this and find a gap to get into these little friendship groups as hearing my 5 year old trying to find a way to get out of school as she is lonely is a bit heartbreaking

Could you set up play dates with some of the other girls? We went through this in early yr1 and it was quite heartbreaking (worse for me I think!). It did come right in the end though - and I think playing with a wider group is a better long term strategy - these 'best friend' pairings are quite vulnerable and can leave one child quite stranded.

Hi groovejet:

Just to say that this kind of thing does happen and seems to happen around this age - I don't know maybe establishing the 'pecking order' or something.

My DD2 particularly suffers from very bossy girls refusing to allow her friends to play with her. Our strategy was to suggest she find other things to do in the playground, things she could do on her own or other children could join in.

My advice is try to find things she can do in the playground on her own which other people could join in with her.

Hopscotch is great - usually if you start playing someone will ask to join in. Always say yes (remember how awful it is when people tell you no you can't join in) - take the view the more the merrier.

I'm sure the playground will have other things - bars, climbing frames, scooters/ tricycles, etc... - anyway try and identify things she can do on her own and enjoy.

It is awful to eat lunch on your own (I still have a fear of eating on my own because of my school days and dreading that stigma so can totally understand) - but ask your DD1 to just keep an eye on things and ask DD2 to consider asking on of her friends if she can eat with her today (sometimes they don't realise they can plan ahead - and ask them to save a seat).

HTH

Thanks for the advise, I have suggested dd2 arrange to meet up with some of the more friendly children in a certain spot in the playground so she isn't just wandering around but yes she could apply that to eating lunch as well.

Play dates I can arrange a couple, one is for a girl from the other class she is a quiet girl and may enjoy herself, the chance to expand friendships.

I have asked dd1 to keep a bit more of an eye on her and if she spots her by herself to try and help her find someone to play with.

And I will encourage her to find games to play instead of wondering about looking lost.

Just never expected this to happen to dd2, she is usually confidant and outgoing, was just talking to my mum who was surprised as she said when she took dd2 to the park in school hols she made friends so easily with so many kids half of the park knew her name. So to hear this from dd2 this morning has been a shock and I agree Acinonyx that certainly atm it is probably worse for me, just feel a bit helpless and having to trust the school to help her.

Just to say don't leave it and hope it will work out.

My dd2 was always the child who had children round her in reception and preschool. Some point in year 1 it changed and she now is choosing (year 4) to go off on her own rather than even try and play with others.

In year 1 I thought it was just a phase and it would come round as she was so confident socially, what has actually happened is she's become very defensive and puts other children off by her attitude.

I wish now I'd stepped in in year 1, the year 2 teacher did what she could but because her way of viewing social situations changed, it has only gone down hill from there. She knows how she needs to behave, but when actually faced with the situation she struggles to do the right thing to fit in.

Agree with above about play dates.

Could she also pay with the new reception children to expand her pool of possible friends (i'm reading your post as that she is a young 5 in yr 1 so may only be a few weeks older than some of the older yr r's)

Does she do rainbows (girl guides) good way to make friends out of school.

This often happens around this age, sadly. Agree with the advice given above. Playdates are good for cementing friendships outside school .
hugs xx

Could she take in a skipping rope? Least she would have something to do instead of stood around feeling miserable.

Could you do a halloween party? Or a sleepover? Something to help establish her in the "pecking order"

This happened to my dd but then a new girl came, the teacher paired them up and their still best friends a year later.

Well today dd1 spotted dd2 by herself at morning break and helped dd2 find 2 girls from her class who she played with.

At lunchtime dd2 was already with the same 2 girls and dd1 and her friends played with all of them, hopefully dd1 and her friends being interested will help dd2 out as dd1 and her friends come up with all sorts of good games. However, sadly dd2 did not have anyone from her class to sit with at lunch

It seems from dd2 that the teacher has spoken to the class about including each other and has set up some friendship groups, one of the ones dd2 was with at lunch is a friend assigned to her so hopefully the teachers will keep this up.

Dxiechick she is only a couple of weeks older than some of the reception children, but reception have their own playground so not much chance of mixing.

Just going to have to keep a close eye on things, nag the school if needed and work on some coping skills for dd2.

May have a play date arranged for next week and I have heard from another mum that there is another girl struggling to make friends so going to track down who that is and encourage dd2 to seek her out, if they are in the same boat then that should be good for both of them.

Dewe sorry to hear about your dd, sounds similar to what I went through at school, I hid out in the school library, probably the flashbacks to my own school life is making this feel so tough.