I'm a biit disapointed with my DD primary. Or maybe worried over nothing?

[complexo]

I loved yearR and the Teachers and TAs were very cheerful, talk active and helpful. But now in Y1 the teacher and TAs are very quite, hardly smile and never make eye contact with the parents unless we approach them. The term started on the 5th, we still have the same book in the book bag, there is no space for parent's comment in the child"s book, they didn't send any homework yet nor a letter, newsletter, nothing. Only a peace of paper about PE and show and tell. We are not allowed in and we were not invited to see the classroom or meet the teacher. Today after school I asked a simple question re when the after school club finishes and although the 3 of them replied at the same time it seemed slightly unfriendly that I felt weird in myself. This week my dauther took her PE kit in a labelled drawstring bag with her name on it and came back with the whole kit on her hands. She said she didn't have time to pit the stuff back in the bag and the bag must be on her peg. But she can't find the bag and I darent ask her teachers or TAs. Or should I? Also is the school to laid back or is it to early in the term for homework etc?

Homework given in primary school is usually to consolidate the work they did that week, I imagine last week was more about settling in than formal work so not surprising there was no homework. Also the teacher would have had a busy week getting ready for her new class.

Of course you should ask her teacher about her PE bag. If you can't go in to look, then the least they can do is check for you.

I think you are overthinking this - they are probably lovely people who are just a little quieter and calmer than yR. Give them a chance before writing them all off - your DD has only been in their class for a week.

DD is loving Y1, and she has been looking forward to go to this teacher's class the whole summer. I'm just wondering if teachers and TAs should be more engaged with parents they just look far too serious but I guess yearR and nursery teachers need to make more effort to appear cheerful because the children are younger?....I will ask today after school if I can go in and find the PE bag if DD don't find it today.

I think it is excellent that they even started reading the first week back. I'm an experienced teacher and usually takes a couple of weeks to get the children settled and start homework.
Certainly ask about the p.e bag though. Things are probably so hectic at the moment that it's possible the adults didn't even notice.

I wouldn't be too happy at homework this early in year 1 personally, but I'm not a fan of homework in KS1 anyway.

Do speak to the teacher, ask your questions etc. I think the best approach is to pretend you think they are lovely and be nice and smiley. I try to adopt this principle in life but it doesn't always happen!!

Well the school never sent homework during yearR but her friends from other schools had it, so I was a bit but I not sure what is best anyway. As dd can't still read (unless it is very basic words) I was hoping that at Y1 school would step up the game but maybe is too soon. As I'm not a native English speaker and H is dyslexic (so is his brother, dad and granddad) I've always been a bit worried. Hopefully if dd is dyslexic too they will notice early so she can have proper help. Also is it normal the no communication/ non open day/ no get to know the teacher/ no visit classroom when they go to 'big school?

That's totally normal for year one- the children may well have had a meet the teacher session, and I'm sure before half term you will get a parents evening to hear about how your DD has settled in. Don't write the teachers/TAs off just yet- there IS an element of 'growing up' and being more independent in year one but if DD is happy then it's what they're doing in the classroom that matters.

You do also get some quite shy teachers, who are not super-skilled at dealing with adults. I know several like this; however they are all fantastic with children - which is what really matters after all. A friend of mine is very much in this mode (and so shy that she is still single at 40), but she is the most dedicated teacher I know, and her classes adore her.

I pointed this out to my DH when he was moaning about a teacher of DS1's, and he had to admit that if she was like my friend, then our son would be very lucky indeed. He did brilliantly with that teacher by the way.

The PE bag is back, I didn't need to ask the teacher for it. We finally received a letter about the topics for the term, homework etc. Tomorrow after school we will have a meeting at the classroom and a session to ask the teachers any questions we may have. How do I ask about dislexya assesmet in a good way? English is not my 1st language and all the other parents will be there....or should I ask 1 to 1?

I would request a one-to-one meeting about your concerns with dyslexia.

Hi Complexo

I've seen that the PE kit bag came back (just to assure you I've absolutely been there).

You're clearly used to very friendly approachable staff and the new teacher & TA seem much more formal and off putting. In part there does seem to be a trend to treat Y1 students more formally than YR. This is about moving them from roaming about and playing freely, to sitting quietly at tables and doing as told. Some do this gradually with the first weeks of Y1 very little changed from YR and others start as they mean to go on and can seem very fierce.

Your her Mum Complexo. You want her to be able to read well. The School will want her to be able to learn to read well. You both want the same thing - so there's little point not talking about it. It may be very helpful for her teacher to understand there's dyslexia in the family. Also, it might be reassuring for you to find out that your daughter is not the only one at this level and they've frequently had students start Y1 unable to read at all.

I'm a bit of an old cynic - but do bear in mind that one strategy to cope with questioning/ complaining parents is to project a fierce persona. I personally don't think it's helpful, because they're alienating their greatest allies. You've got a real concern and have every right to raise it and seek professional advice/ assistance. Try softening them up by saying you're seeking their professional advice (I find they're putty in my hands after that).

HTH

Right. The meeting went well today, specially because when it was finished the assistant head teacher approached me to talk about DD's difficulties in literacy and numeracy, she asked me if I needed any support/help/ideas re activities and fun games to do with her at home. She said she thinks dd is capable to do more than she is doing right now but something is holding her back and dd is not putting her heart in it. So I mentioned the dislexya in the family, now I'm not sure if she was just waiting for me to mention it or if she didn't know at all (I've put this in all the forms and the reception teacher knew about my concern). So she than gave me some work sheets and ideas and as I was pushing for an assessment she suggested for us to try a bit more first and see if it clicks bt Christmas. Also dd's class teacher came to talk to me about dd being very upset and crying today 2x at school because 'I don't like dad anymore' and she can hear shouting when she is at her bedroom. I do want to separate but H don't. Crap.

I'm the OP - name changed -

Can anyone please recommend resources

School seem to be offering resources, asking you whether you need help with activities to do at home. Take them up on their offer. Push for the assessment for dyslexia.
More importantly you need to sort things out at home. Your daughter is suffering and its affectng ly her she is crying at school. You make that you, number one priority. The resource you need is some help to improve life at home for your daughter. Have you and your husband been to a counselor. You need to face the real issues here for your daughters sake.

Hi English.....I think schools tread carefully at first approaching parents about possis ble "problems or deleys " with pupils as some parents would be horrified to think there was some thing "wrong" with their LO.,and are usually relieved when the parent aggres and then things can be put in place with support and back up all round .

There can be alot of wait and see as childeren do develope at different stages and some things can "click" later than others .

My story is this......I left dh and moved area and schools...ds1&2 went into there proper year bu there was no space for ds3 in yr1 so he went into reception again....I was happy as he is late July born ..and very quiet and shy..and had started SALT where we were living and due to be refered again where we were now ....

At the end of his 2nd year in reception (so technally yr1 age group) he had not progressed beyond the bottom of the class....got lots of wait and sees...transition of new school...new house...separation and stuff...

H then did not do yr1 as a place came up in yr2 ...his propper yr group.....by the Feb parents evening I said enough ....I want him assessed...there is more to this than lots of changes...

(sorry I am writting an essay here ....but it will make sense at the end !!)

He had been having 1-1 and small group help with numeracy and teacher (knew of my concerns)and said she thought he had a processing problem...as he loved his lessons was good and wanted to learn but just could not retain old knowlege after he had learn new stuff..

A CAT form was filled out ...another story !!

Start of yr 3 was brill........Finally school had employed a SENCO person (not had one for 2 1/2 years )...she was not class theacher so had all her time tosort out stuff for the pupils......

DS got ....1x week specialist teacher for confidence building /speaking and reading
SALT cane into school to tell TA what to do
He is on school action plus with an IEP and an assigned TA

Yr4 ..he get lituracy support 1x1 with specialist teacher .....

He is soooo happy ...he is finnaly able to read (approx bright end of yr1 ..bottom of yr2 level) so not where he should be but it has given him a real confidence boost ..

SOOOOOOO ...what I am trying to say is (in a veyr long winded way !!!)

PUSH and pester them (nicely)to see what extra support they can gie your dd at school ...they give me extra to do at home as well...maybe specialist reading help1x1 especially if dylexia is prominent in the family
'
By the way I still dont know "why ds is like this ....ie I have not been given an dx ....seeing community pead tommow....which I organised...

Maybe things have just clicked for him a bit later and will catch up ..so don't worry too much ...but asked them for help ...

Sorry to hear about you and dh ....if you can let school know a little bit ....otherwise they may jump to "wrong" conclusions .

Wow this is soooo long sorry ...are you still awake ??? hope it helps though !!

Needed to post quick before I added more...but lots of typos as some keys are doing funny things and sticking ?

Hi Complexo/ Englishnotmy1stlanguage

I think the school is trying to give you worksheets/ workbooks and obviously these are resources they've selected from a choice (so resources they feel work).

I really think you should take them up on the offer and really work with them on what you could be doing at home to support your child's learning. I agree with bizzey, waiting until around Christmas for an assessment isn't too long, but an assessment will help identify the issue. The school clearly think that other things are going on, so give it 6-8 weeks of steadily doing as they advice and see if you note an improvement.

If whilst all this is going on your relationship with your partner is ending, both of you need to try your best (especially if your partner is the father) to keep it friendly and on an even keel around your child. Save the loud arguments for times you are completely alone. I'm sure there must be feeds elsewhere on Mumsnet about relationships and how to protect your child and reassure them during the stress of Mum & Dad splitting up.

HTH

Thanks so much for the kind replies. H is the father I spoke briefly with him yesterday about the issues and he is mortified because he struggled a lot at school because of his dislexya and had no support at school nor home so he knows how hard it is and he knows he can't get a better job and live life to the full because he missed out so much on his education. He has low self esteem and loads of problems with his overall confidence as life at home when he was growing up wasn't all roses either ....and that is why he thinks nothing of arguing/shouting and swearing in front of DD. I usually hold my head up high and don't give in but it comes to a point where I have to stand up for myself because I don't want her to think that is ok for her to let a man to treat her like that. So the rows always finish with me winning because I think bit is important for her to see me as a strong woman however it is not pretty, I know. Anyway, Dh and I are having a chat tonight when dd is asleep, if anything he has really shaken up and realised that he has to change not because I say so. Specially when he is alone with her and thinks nothing of having the TV on all day specially when the weather is good, she is dying to play with him and we are in London, plenty of things to do with a 5 year old any day of the week.

It is just a big irony that I started this thread saying I was disappointed with the school and now turns out that is the school who should be disappointed in me. I'm coming down from my high horse.

Thanks for sharing your story bizzy, it sounds like such a hard work to get help and to help. We will struggle helping her because H's dyslexia and me not having English as a 1st language. Hope the school will help.

The school have already offered all the help you need. There is no struggle at all. They have offered resources. All you need to do is say 'yes, please' and do what they suggest.

Don't let your embarrassment over your home difficulties complicate this.

School have already offered help and resources. There is no 'struggle' to get support. It is being offered to you on a plate.

I know. The school offered help even before I asked for it and I'm glad and thankful for that. What I meant was in case a specialised teacher needed to be hired to help her even more on a 1:1 basis like is the experience of other poster on this thread.

Think you have a long way to go before a specialised teacher needs to be hired. I don't think winning arguments with your husband is showing you to be a strong woman. It's badly affecting your daughter. You both need to focus on her, stop the arguing, get some help for your relationship and use the resoces that the the school offer. Not aware dyslexia is heredityanyway.-is it?

I'm new to all this and I don't know if dyslexia is hereditary. But I know H has it, so his brother, his father and his grandfather. Re arguments if H said in the past for me to F*off or shut up in front of my daughter I do think that standing up for myself and demanding respect and apology even if it makes the argu$ent longer, is the right thing to do, she needs to know no one should speak to her like this. But I totally agree with you that she shouldn't being in this environment and will do whatever it takes to make sure she won't be affected by this again even if it means moving out.