Reception aged dd and teaching her how to stand up for herself appropriately - WARNING - TRIVIAL

[windmillpond]

DD is a confident, assertive child who is generally smily and well liked. When younger she would be rather over-bearing if she wanted something (ie snatching, hitting - by younger I mean aged 2-3ish)

I have always tried to talk through with her how to manage difficult situations, and express displeasure in inappropriate behaviour (hitting etc).

I was a very shy, quiet child who was very eager to please, and struggle with the correct level of assertiveness - hence asking for opinions.

Tonight dd came home from school (her first week) to say when she was in the playground she was kicked in the back by some children who stole her toy and pretended it was theirs. She told the teachers and peace was restored (other girls were told off as I understand it). Later that day during another playtime she went indoors by herself to get something and the other 2 girls were in there. They (in dd's words) "started being mean, saying they didnt like me and didnt want to be my friend" DD was not at all upset whilst telling me this - she seems to have made a few friends of her own.

However she then told me that she handled this confrontation by telling the girls "This can't be a very nice school if people like you are in it saying horrible things - I will ask if I can move schools"

DD was very proud of how she handled the girls, who then apparently said "good"

I have no other children and would never have dreamt of standing up to these two girls - and I admit to cringing a bit and thinking that dd is just as bad as the girls arguing with them about how nice they each are

I am well aware that dd could easily grow up into a hideous child who exerts authority and may even bully other children, and so I want to teach her the correct way of dealing with similar situations (which inevitably will occur as she meets people who clash with her)

What would be an appropriate reaction to this (trivial I realise ) issue?

I think she handled it very well. They girls were being mean but your daughter stood up to them. I know the moving schools is not realistic, but she answered them and felt good afterwards.

It sounds like your little one is luckily quite confident and assertive and this helped her get out an unpleasant situation. She was not rude or aggressive to them, it sounds like she just deflated their trials to intimidate her, well done!

I suspect that these children will move on to try and intimidate other children in future but hopefully will leave her alone now. She has made other friends according to what you wrote, so I would just encourage her to spend time with them.
If your DD reports any other incidents with the same children, I would ask her teachers if they have noticed any difficulties with these children and describe what your DD told you.

DS had some playground issues in reception and his teacher told me that she 'd rather be told early so that she could keep an eye on them and encourage children to play more nicely together.

oh ok I told you I was rubbish at assertiveness! I thought there might be a better way that dd could have handled it rather than replying that the girls were horrid....

As it happened, because I had no idea how to reply to dd when she told me I just smiled and asked her what good had happened that day....so no harm done :)

I am very pleased that dd is able to stand up for herself in a good way - it is something I have struggled on and off with all of my life, I am no longer shy, am actually quite outgoing, but still fluctuate wildly between overly assertive and totally dominated!