Do the quiet children get overlooked?

[pigleychez]

DD1 has just started Reception and doing half days.

She's a shy and quiet thing so chatted to the teacher today just to check how she was getting on.
The teacher said she was doing fine. Obviously great but by the pauses in her speech I got the impression she didn't even really have much contact with her at all. Other parents ive heard her talk to have have much deeper feedback.

I just worry about her being forgotten as she's so quiet. She will happily just get on with things with out making a fuss (completely different at home!)
I know its still early days too.

Teacher also told me that DD had had an accident as she left it too late to get to the loo. I explained that this was very unusual for DD to which she replies, well she wasn't sure.. It might not of been her. She wasn't really sure.
If I hadn't gone to talk to her I'd of had no idea about her accident until I saw the school knickers.

I do understand that school is different to nursery and you dont get as much feedback and im probably coming across as PFB.
I just worry that DD will just be left to get on with it.

Not really sure what im asking for here... maybe just some reassurance that she's not going to get left behind.

I think the quiet children do get overlooked. I think there are things you can do to help - if you help out in the classroom and on trips etc I think the teachers notice your kids more - it unconsciously makes the teachers think of your kids more. My quiet child is now in Year 5 (she's my youngest), she is definitely overlooked, she also has less positive comments regarding her aademic ability in her reports than her louder two elder sisters did, despite the fact that her test scores are the same or higher. It is definitely a fact of life that te quiet, well behaved kids get overlooked.

Clearly teachers try not to overlook children and try to give each child attention. The fact that the teacher might not know your child's name is not so much a concern, definitely in the next week or so, the teacher will know all the names.

However, with the large class sizes and especially if there is a lot of bad behaviour, then yes, there is a large probability that the quiet and well behaved children get overlooked. They might be overlooked in a number of ways, such as less 'rewards for being good', less opportunity to 'show and tell', generally a bit less attention from the teacher and TAs.

It is not right that this is happening, but it does happen (quite a lot IMO).

I think they do get a bit overlooked, at least to start with.

My eldest DD (now aged 8) was just like your DD. Really quiet, shy (although nothing like it at home!)
I remember at the end of the first week of Reception, the TA calling all the children by name one by one at the end of the school day. My DD was left for the end and when the TA went to call her she couldn't remember DDs name! I don't care if it was a bit PFB, I was secretly really quite upset!

DD is still quiet quiet but she is naturally a bright child and in all the top groups in class and has played main parts in school plays etc. So the being overlooked thing doesn't always play too much of a role in their school life. I think it can be more down to individual teachers.

my ds is very quiet.fortunately had amazing teacher who said in parents eve "hes so laid back hes practically horizontal but i remind myself to check a couple times a day asking if everythings ok." last year hi seacher overlooked him as he in a very noisy class with lots boisterious troublemaking boys and the teacher had lots time taken trying to contain them .he was very sad in whole year he never got star of the day award once despite trying really hard
this year he has had it already
so in my experience it depends on the teacher.
she will also gain some confidence as she goes along and that will help her get noticed when she needs to be
as for names id give it a week or two.30names to faces is no mean feat at the beginning of term,especially in reception!

I would say it for your child it's all very early days so I guess her teacher won't have too much to say at this point anyway. But imo the quiet children do sometimes get overlooked and this all depends on their teacher too. My son is very quiet and last year he didn't receive one certificate or reward and wasn't chosen for anything. At the end of term his teacher said he was a dream to teach but he was never rewarded for it. It really did bring my son down tbh, he felt like a failure and sort of became more quieter. He has a new teacher who is completely different in her ways from his last one so I hope things will be different.

not in my class

Quiet, well behaved kids are often the ones that get chosen for "treats" so it's not all bad news!!!

No they don't, it is such early days settling into school, please don't read too much into anything at such an early stage, my DS2 now in year 1 wet the bed last night, first time in aboout 2 years, so pooped from school, nothing more just tired. They also get so busy with all the new people and stuff she may have just been to distracted with it all to think about having a wee.

Other parents may be having more of a chat as they are different issues, I have another son in y6 and without sounding like a 'know it all' as he is in the last year of primary, do not worry about what everyone else is doing, think about your child and do not compare, tis the thin end of the wedge and a dead cert for paranoia to set it about anything and everything!

There are quiet ones, noisy ones, bossy ones, shy ones, giglgy ones, whiny ones and all of the above in many combinations at different times. The teachers need time to get to know you child, I know it's hard to put your trust and confidence in them, but try, for you and for you daughter.

I think it's the quiet middling ones who tend to get a bit overlooked. If they're good at something they seem to get noticed. If they're badly behaved they get noticed. And if they have very good social skills they get noticed.

It helps if you make yourself known a bit - just showing that you're an interested, involved type of parent. Not being the one who's constantly sucking up at the door, but just asking about homework if you're not clear on it, asking pertinent questions at parents evening, asking for a chat if something's not right.

I think a lot depends on the teacher. My DS was a quiet, well behaved and able one in a loud competitive class of 28 kids. He wasn't over looked in reception as the teacher was fantastic and on the ball. Year 1 and 2 was abysmal though, with no rewards (the loud ones got them) and very limited teacher feedback. They didn't even seem to have a grip on his ability levels and he didn't achieve his potential either. It was like he was invisible except to friends. He has blossomed in juniors though and although still quiet, he is really noticed and the teachers adore him. It might be worth your while mentioning that you are worried that DD might be flying under the raidar.

Yes, I think the quieter kids often get overlooked, especially in classes where there are one or two behavioural issues. I think holyfish is right - a good teacher will manage to focus on everyone and bring out the best in them; weaker teachers often struggle so much in dealing with the loud ones that they're just relieved to have a few they can ignore.

The other thing that DD1 has suffered from as a result of being 'good' is that twice (admittedly DD1 is now in year 9, so it's hardly a regular occurrence) teachers have put disruptive children next to her, in the hope that her behaviour will improve theirs (ie if she's getting on with her work they're more likely to get on with theirs). In practice it meant that DD1 was unable to work because they were disturbing her constantly, and both times I had to intervene after several weeks to ask if they could be moved apart.

A further consequence: DD1's grammar school practices communal punishment for generally poor classroom behaviour, and the few loud and badly behaved people in her class gave the class such a bad reputation that they were all prevented from going on a class trip (this is not in the UK, by the way).