DS due to start P1 in Aug 2013 - registration form due soon and wondering whether to defer

[BirdyBedtime]

I know this topic has been done loads of times but just wanted fresh views on this. DS will be 4 in mid-Jan so is due to start P1 next August. I don't agree in the abstract with deferring (in Scotland if your DC is a Jan or Feb birthday you can defer P1 until they are 5.8) but am beginning to wonder whether we should consider it for DS.

It is pretty much the culture in our area for Jan and Feb (and now even Dec) birthdays to be deferred, so if we send him next year he will be in the same year as at least one child I know of who is a Dec 08 birthday, ie 13 months older than him.

He has gone to private nursery since 10 months and is now at the school nursery (although he has an afternoon place due to age and most of the children are younger, and therefore won't go to school in Aug 13). Neither of his good friends will be going in Aug 13 (one is being deferred and the other is March birthday). He is pretty confident, can sit and listen and follow instructions, can dress himself (just about) and all of the other things that people list as important for starting school. He is also showing an interest in letters and writing. He can be quite emotional though when he doesn't get his own way.

Pretty much all of my concerns are not so much about him but about the span of ages and other children in the year, although it is a huge school so over 100 children in each year group, so a big spread of ages/abilities too. The registration form for P1 is due next month so we really need to make a decision on this, and I'm not sure whether there is the option to change our minds if we do register him, if at Parents consultation the nursery teacher advises that he is not ready.

Serves us right for having sex at Easter but it really is a difficult decision.

Your nursery should be able to provide an appropriate experience for your ds for another year, particularly given that it seems likely that they will have other deferred children. I deferred my ds and it was the right thing for him. I know lots of people who have deferred and none regret it.

IMO, the issue is not just readiness to enter P1, it is that your son (if you don't defer), will be over a year younger than some others all through his school career. Also, he will be 15 for most of his fifth year when he is doing his Highers.

It is East Lothian council - there is a child in DDs year with a December birthday who should have gone the previous year, but the parents fought for deferral and got another year of school nursery. Similarly the child who will be 5 this December who I know has already been deferred to DS's year should have gone this year, but I don't know whether it was straightforward or whether the parents had to put up a fight. Interestingly I know of other council areas where December deferral is just a no-no, and even Jan/Feb deferral is a bit of a fight and not in the culture whereas here it is the opposite.

I do worry about him getting bored (and interestingly the child who has been deferred is already saying that nursery is 'boring') - it's not so much the school nursery, but the private nursery that I think might struggle with deferred DCs as they have ones moving into the pre-school room who are just turned 3 so it is a huge range to manage, although they do their best.

The point about further in the school career is one to consider - he'd be leaving 6th year at 17.5 after doing exams young, but as I understand it about CfE Nationals are much more age targetted and so if they need another year to do highers then they can get it. It is really hard to make decisions now not knowing whether he will be mature enough when older to deal with being young for his year. And I suppose the thing I always come back to is that someone has to be the youngest!

I'll take the advice of the school nursery staff but apparently they are loath(sp?) to actually give an opinion on these issues.

I can only echo what previous posters have said. You will know deep down yourself whether your ds is ready or not.

Ds1 is an end of february birthday-we didnt defer as he was ready for school, on the other hand ds2 was not ready for school and was defered (birthday much earlier in the academic year and speech/social problems.)
It is a big decision, but I would much rather have ds2 bored in nursery than falling behind in school (and that is my own opinion, it may not be right for everyone). Anyways as his nursery teacher and keyworker told me, nursery is about meeting the needs of the child so if he is bored they are not doing their job!

Thanks In1981. Hope your DS2 is doing OK. How old is DS1 now, and how has he fared in terms of progress compared to his peers (and I know you shouldn't compare but anyway........)

We didn't defer ds (now in S2) - but we did discuss it with the school at teh time and were advised that if he was registered we could still choose not to send him right up to the moment he was due to start P1. I don't regret not deferring ds - he has done fine at primary and is doing well at secondary. He has commente dthere is agirl in his class who is a full year older than him - but does not seem bothere dby this. It does depend very much on your child - don't be swayed by other people. By tgeh way - in our area the P1 teacher sees the kids in nursery - and ours saw ds and advised he was more than ready for school - maybe yours does the same?

If you register him for school you don't have to send him but make sure you also register him for a nursery place. My friend registered her son for school but decided not to send him (December birthday). She was advised by the nursery that he was not ready but they were full. She sent him to school where he is struggling now in P2. He may repeat P2 if things don't improve.

With an intake that size, it might be worth asking how they group the classes. When DD3 started in P1 she was in a completely mixed age class. Fast forward to P2, and because of numbers issues further up the school they had to make a composite P2/P3 class and put all the DCs with Dec/Jan/Feb birthdays in that. She is much happier now with DCs closer to her own age.

Rambling, sorry. But it may be worth asking that. If he's likely to be in a class with other Jan/Feb DCs, he may be happier there. Vice versa too though.

I know from DD's experience that they totally mix the classes in terms of age, sex, ability and social background. With such a large group it must be a nightmare to manage, although they do also try to accomodate limited specific requests (and did so for DD where there was an issue with a girl in nursery so we requested that they not be in the same class). They also mixed the classes when re-sizing from 5 to 4 going into P2 and with similar mixing. We haven't had a composite in the school for a few years, but I know that they do it by age so yes if there was ever a composite class he'd be in with the younger year I suspect - not sure how I feel about that though.

Having discussed this again with DH I think the plan is to register for school but make it very clear that we are unsure and make the final decision after March's parents consultation, and also that we really want the school to be honest about their views of his readiness (his nursery teacher was DD's P1 teacher and we are on good terms so I hope she is willing to be honest). We'll also request that a morning nursery place be reserved for him in case we do defer and I think they should be OK with that as there is always movement on nursery places in May.

Thanks for all the advice.

Just re read my post and I didnt really make it clear, but ds2 should have started this August but is defered until next august.

Ds2 is doing ok in nursery-we had a few wobbles as his two wee friends went of to school but he seems settled now. The thing is, he doesnt look out of place-he is so small and he isnt interested in anything other than playing! I certainly dont regret doing it.
Same for ds1- I dont regret not defering him! He is P5 now, and he seems to be doing just fine. With him, the language/spelling/reading side came very naturally, however, the maths/science stuff he has found difficult. I guess alot of kids find one subject easier than another though.

The important thing is he has managed to keep up, and dp, myself and school have all made sure that the things he has found difficult have been given extra attention.
He is also a very confident wee boy, and I think that can make alot of difference too as to whether they cope.
I know what you mean about comparing though, and I always try not too, but when I had to go to the meeting about the decision for ds2 I had to compare my poor wee shy ds2 to my super confident ds1 to make my point about him going back to nursery! I felt awful, but I didnt want them to think I was just being precious about my baby boy!

Thanks In1981 - I'm really glad your decisions have worked out well. My DS certainly couldn't be described as shy or wee! His best friend at private nursery (who also goes to the afternoon class at school nursery with him) is a March birthday and I hate to think of separating them as their friendship seems to be developing into a proper one rather than just 2 boys who play together. Hmm, it's not easy is it?

no its certainly not! the friendship thing-i did wonder about splitting him from his friends but for now he seems fine with it, although he did ask why he wasnt getting to go to school with them on the first day back! he sees them in the playground and he still visits them but we are lucky in that our school is fairly small so most of the children know and play with each other anyway.
its a very tough decision to make, it was probably the most stressful thing I have ever had to think about, and i am usually quite laid back about things!
Good luck with whatever you decide to do though, ultimately you know him best and whatever happens you know you have done it with his best interests at heart.