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Small school no friends

10 replies

dizzybiatch · 11/09/2012 14:07

My dc go to a nice little rural school with 32 kids.

My eldest ds1 has just moved from the junior class up to the big class.

DS has always looked older and seemed older than his peers. The headteacher writes this in every report we have had from school. Thats how much it stands out. Although im not sure why she keeps remarking on it.

Ds had always played with the boy in class year above him. He was the only boy in that yr and him and my son got on well. When he moved up to big class last year he didnt want to continue playing with ds because he was trying to fit in with older class mates. There was a bit off a problem, i wasnt told until parents evening but apparently there had been a problem big enough that parents had been called etc but my ds not directly involved. Clear as mud i know but I only got this info and was told its now 'fine'. When i asked my ds about it he was very defensive of this boy. When i asked if he didnt want to play with him anymore he said 'X would never do that'. Ds kind of idolised this boy as he is very sporty etc.

Ds went on to be friends with a boy in his own yr, who is the cousin of this boy (small school lots of them related or very local) Last year all was fine.
Now ds tells me since they have gone up to big class the older boy has taken the cousin under his wing and takes him off to play 'secret' games that ds cant play.

I was at school today helping and i can see how much my ds stands out. He isnt one of the little ones that the big ones look out for but he isnt actually 'old' enough for them to want to be his friend. I feel so sad for him when he comes home and says 'i used to be popular but now no one likes me. Sad

I feel like i want to move him to a big school where he will have a bigger pool of people in which to find a friend. When there is a problem in a little school there is often no where to go. You cant get away ikwim.

I dont however want to teach my son the if there is a problem you should run away.

Sorry so long... tea and biscuits on me.

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timetoask · 11/09/2012 14:14

Does he do any after school activities? Does he have friends outside of school?

dizzybiatch · 11/09/2012 14:19

He goes to the one after school thing that is on here. But its a sports club and so they are playing as a team and dont really chat or socialise.

He is friends with my friends son but he is 3 years older.

Not so many kids here as we live really rurally.

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dizzybiatch · 11/09/2012 14:21

Oh and has just started youth club with my friends son. Only had one week of this but I thought perhaps good to make some friends elsewhere. Problem is though that everyone knows everyone and this can make it hard to meet anyone 'new'.

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honoraglossop · 11/09/2012 14:22

my 2 go to a very small school...40 ish in total.

does he like sport?? DS1 plays football tennis or similar at lunchtime with his "friends". DS2 mainly plays with girls :). as someone said before does he do any clubs/ activities outside school?

Maybe invite some children around to play? or have a word with the teachers. generally pastoral care at small schools is great and teacher might be able to steer him into a group.
And teach him it can be normal and you can be happy without a "best friend" or being "popular"

timetoask · 11/09/2012 14:27

Could it be that your son is the sort that likes have one to one friendships rather than being part of bigger groups? If he is no longer friends with the cousin of that boy, could he find one other child in his year that he likes?

biddyofsuburbia · 11/09/2012 14:27

Haven't got much advise except to echo what's been said in terms of perhaps finding outside of school potential friends through sport or music, or inviting any of the children at school back to play, even the girls or perhaps one of the boys from the sports team you mention? I do sympathise, I went to a very small school with 30 kids from 4.5 to 9 years old in only two classes myself and it can be a very intense little world at times.

dizzybiatch · 11/09/2012 15:20

Have had the boy from his yr over but he has something on most days swimming/going to his grans as mum works/sports club. Ds has never been invited to his. Hoping this is because of the tight schedule.

Not sure if ds prefers one to one friendships. There are only 4 in his yr. One plays with girls although my ds and him are 'friends' but ds likes boyish boys, other one is quite a young 8 and ds just isn't although he likes him and his mum is lovely (wish my ds and him would be friends but htey are just different kids. This little boy would still happily hold his mums hand infront of everyone, my ds would rather die! My ds is just more mature. I am not boasting, i wish this wasnt the case but even physically, i have to put ds in shower everyday and he wears body spray otherwise has BO.)The other boy is the one in question.

biddy intense is exactly what i call it. I cant help but feel ds would have more of a chance to find a friend within a bigger pool.

OP posts:
BieneMaja · 11/09/2012 17:56

That really is a tough one. (and in complete contrast to the 150 kids in each year in DDs school Shock)

I would say though that it is really early days and although right now the other potential friends (the cousins) are sticking together, it might well all change as they get more used to the situation.

There is a lot to be said for going to a bigger school, but it depends on whether it is practical and feasible for you

biddyofsuburbia · 11/09/2012 20:01

Shame we are not nearby dizzy he sounds just like my 8yo! He's sports mad, physically big for his year although he is actually one of the younger ones and never happier than having a pretend fight or kicking a ball around. He's not fussed who with really! (loves rugby and sooo happy it is contact this year - a sentiment I don't share!) Only thing, other than changing schools, that I can say is either try and make friends with other mums/dads from whatever sports club your DS is in and have them over for a family lunch or something, go for it with the youth club bunch or just hang on in there really. Not ideal I know Sad. Hopefully if you keep trying and if you are prepared for a few rebuttals (steel yourself!) you will find him some play mates!

Snog · 11/09/2012 20:34

What do the teachers advise?

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