How Do They Take Your Reception Child Into School

[FiveHoursSleep]

Our school is a 4 form entry this year and we gather outside the front door of the school and they call the children in one by one, class by class.
When their name is called, they walk up to their teacher and are passed through the door to stand in line with the rest of their class. We don't get to see inside the classroom.
If they become upset, they are taken off the parent and passed inside and the parent(s) is/are asked to wait in the meeting room for a bit until the child has calmed down.
At pick up time, the parents wait outside the door and the children are passed out one by one. If the teacher has concerns, the parents are asked to wait behind.
Is this standard or do most reception parents get to take their kids to the classroom?

But why can't the transition be outside the school? Why not say the goodbyes when they line up? If you are going to let the parents into the classroom at all, why not let them stay the whole morning if an individual child seems to need it?

I interpreted 'helping them with bags etc' as doing things for them that they really could be expected to do for themselves and I read 'quite useful to have extra adults in the classroom, especially during the winter term with coats, scarves, hats etc when most of the children are still 4' as indicating that parents were there to help the children take off and put away coats, scarves, hats -- if any other meaning was implied then maybe someone would like to clarify?

To clarify - it's about recognising that children have individual needs and that whilst most 4 year olds will be able to take their hat off, it may be useful to have someone to remind them to put it in their pocket etc. You only have to read the number of threads on here about missing coats, hats, uniform etc to acknowledge that not all children are able to put their clothing where they can find it and then find it later.

Of course, these needs change throughout the year as the children become more independent.

My point is that it worked for my highly strung dd that her school encouraged parents into the classroom for a minute or two each morning. She was often highly distressed in the morning, and I'm glad that the teacher and TA were able to focus on other children, whilst I sorted her out. (And no, she wasn't 'fine when I left', it took her a good 15 minutes to calm down most days, according to the teacher).

I have no particular opinion on the way other schools do things.

God yes, to say individual children vary is a total understatement. Mine was very dilligent with remembering where to put things, but utterly overwhelmed in new environments and not that great at physical coordination. One of her mates was the opposite - very dextrous but 'inaccurate' when it came to hanging things on pegs. It's a big ask at 4 years old to put it all together, I think a lot Reception teachers appreciate help with the transition, I know ours did, and was hugely appreciative of parents giving up their time to help.

That's not to say that all Reception teachers are the same btw.

If you know that the rule in a school is that 4 year olds are expected to do their own self care then you can prepare them beforehand so that they are able for it when they get to school. You can do the settling down bit before they get to the classroom by starting it when you reach the school building and making sure there is time to get her all sorted before she goes in, surely?

I think allowing the parents in just prolongs the dependence and strings out the transition period that much longer. And not always to the benefit of the children or the teacher, who can't really get started wrangling all the children together until the last parents have made their exit. Nobody is really settled until the teacher can get started..

Not all 4 year olds are ready to be completely independent in their 'self care', however much they are 'prepared'. Others are capable of being independent, but get overwhelmed in new environments and have to be carried along to school screaming and kicking.

I suppose I don't think there's anything wrong with 4 year olds being 'dependent' on their primary carers. Our school opens the reception doors about 5 minutes before the start of school, and I was often the last parent out at 8.55 when school started. I expect they would have been later starting if the teacher and TA had no other adults to help them with coats, book bags and crying children.

And yet, in the school my DCs attended, everyone learned to take off a coat, hat and mittens and hang them all on the right hook, whether they had ever done it before in their lives or not.

Mind you, the school made it easy for the children in some ways -- hooks had a name and a photo for easy identification, and children didn't have to change into PE kit during the day, just wore PE friendly clothes on gym days. The routine involved putting all bags down on one side of the corridor and then going to the hooks on the other side to take off outerwear, stow hats and mitts in sleeves, and hang up the whole caboodle on hooks, with the TA giving step by step instructions and modelling what was required for the first ten days. Nest came placing the bags under the coats on a lower hook and removal of the home folder and book which were brought into class. The first ten days were devoted to teaching the children the routine and whatever self care skills were needed for the routine to run smoothly. The children all learned and all were pleased with their newfound competence.

There is a lot wrong with 4 year old children being dependent on an adult for basic dressing and undressing -- if it means that school doesn't start on time if there is nobody to help children whose parents have failed to teach them basic skills then it is up to the school to teach them. It saves a lot of hassle and chaos and the 'too many cooks spoil the broth' atmosphere that ensues when too many people are trying to do things in a disorderly fashion in a small space.

Emotional dependence is another issue, but it can be managed by a skilled teacher or TA, or even one with a little creativity and imagination and a sense of humour. Screechy DD3 was given the job of Special Helper by the TA when I carried her bodily to school the first day. If she had been my first DC I think I would have been far less relaxed about leaving her in safe hands than I was. Emotional dependence on the part of parents can sometimes be confused with emotional dependence of children. If children are taught to be competent in practical matters they are often able to make the emotional transition to class quickly as they don't feel anxiety about 'who will take care of me?'. When they are proud of being able to do things for themselves they become more eager learners and not just in the field of self care.

It is a far better use of time and human resources to teach the children to do the self care for themselves than to allow them to remain dependent on the parents.

Well Math, that's one way of looking at it, certainly.

I agree with some aspects of what you're saying, but not about the 'cutoff at the door'.

Doors open at 8.45, class starts at 8.55. DS goes in to the classroom through a cloakroom. He's only been there a week so I've been going in to the cloakroom bit with him but pointedly NOT helping him take his coat off etc , just kind of lurking, then giving him a kiss and he goes into the classroom. The teacher stands by the door of the classroom welcoming the kids in, so I suppose I could grab her if needed - I haven't yet!

I'm going to be working on him going into the cloakroom by himself this week.

At hometime, we pick up from the classroom. Parents kind of line up outside and kids are called up one by one.

We lived in a very rural community and the children were bussed into school, never heard of any problems with my DS - it was one way of ensuring they just learned to cope .

But what is wrong with the cutoff at the door?

The cutoff has to be made somewhere. Why not the door?

Math - I dunno, it really isn't a one size fits all. Some children will be fine, especially if they are in an already familiar environment with children they are already familiar with.

Maybe my outlook is coloured by me hanging onto the nursery gates and screaming at my mother's departing figure when I was 4 - it was a new environment and I only knew one or two of the other children. I can very clearly remember it - parents didn't come into the nursery grounds and we were just left. My memories of that place are very scanty, but mostly aren't that great, and mostly relate to being upset, and wetting myself whilst sat at my desk. (I was toilet trained perfectly adequately at 2, before you make any assumptions about being over-parented). When I started primary (in a different school) at 5 I was fine, being that bit older I suppose.

Ds3 would happily have lined up at the door on the first day and gone in with the teacher but on seeing other mothers hovering in the classroom wanted me to stay too. After the first week I was back at work so he had Dad popping him in the back gate and telling him to run two minutes before the bell.

I think Grace's post may illustrate my point about going in with children being more about parents' needs than children's.

A well-managed routine that gets children into the building as a group without parents can help children feel less anxious and more secure than the presence of a parent who hovers.

Just dropped my ds off for the first time. We are allowed in but aren't encouraged to linger. Might have been better if I'd left quicker or at the door as I left ds crying for me on the TA's knee as I walked out

Yeah he was fine as soon as I'd gone- his TA rang me! Either drop and run or Daddy taking him from now on I think

To me, Grace's post illustrates the point that all children are different (as are all parents) and that there is something to be said for systems that accommodate the needs of individuals.

Grace was 4 year olds and distressed at being in a new environment with people she didn't know, and is still distressed by the memory.

I don't find that a fantastic endorsement of 'one size fits all' tbh.

As I said before, maths, I'm happy to disagree with you about this. I actually don't think there's anything wrong with parents having 'needs' - good practice in early years involves a working partnership between school and parents.

Our school positively expected all parents to come in and say hello to the teacher who had some time at that stage of the day to talk to them and get to know them (lucky enough to be in a very small class with a TA as well as a teacher for eighteen children - normal London state primary). As the year wore on, children got better at remembering and dealing with the routine and generally went off to hang things up themselves etc but it was a real transition and taken at the pace of the individual child. For instance, my proper scaredy cat baby of a child was allowed to bring her comfort toy into the classroom (to sit on a shelf) for a few weeks and other children were allowed to do the same if needed. I am sure that there were other accommodations that I didn't know about because the really WONDERFUL teacher went the extra mile every single day to make every child's experience of school a happy, kind, friendly and positive one. I am truly grateful for the gentle and friendly introduction to school that my child received. Most children do just get on with it, some struggle a bit and need some extra help, some find the whole process enormously distressing. Why make it harder than it has to be for the struggling ones?

Another way of characterising 'part of a massive school machine' is 'belonging to a larger group', or to a group other than the family

This is an interesting one. Last year my daughter didn't have a uniform at school (slightly separate issue but it's sort of fascinating). This year, the school has brought one in. My daughter has found it really hard. She has specifically said (unprompted by me) that she feels like another person in her school clothes, that she feels she's not part of our family at school, that she is upset by not wearing the things she normally does. Last year, she loved school to bits. This year she's waking up at the weekend and shouting 'yay, no school!' - I'm very saddened by it. Maybe for some children feeling part of a group other than their family is a bit odd and not a particularly nice feeling, especially when they are so young and their family is their primary focus?

Math - well, as Rosebud says the 'best method' does vary according to the child and their individual circumstances and personality. For me, the 'parent-free' transition was obviously too abrupt, and I didn't settle well.

My DD had a more gradual transition with 'parents allowed' for the first few minutes of the day - she settled well in Reception with practically zero clinginess. Maybe the transition arrangements weren't the cause of that but they certainly didn't do any harm.

'Grace was 4 year olds and distressed at being in a new environment with people she didn't know, and is still distressed by the memory.

I don't find that a fantastic endorsement of 'one size fits all' tbh.'

Grace was the victim of a very poorly thought out method of getting children into the building. If she had waited in an orderly line, with a teacher or TA introducing herself to each child, and then got led in after the bell rang, then told in a clear and cheerful way how to manage her coat and bag, etc, and then brought into the classroom maybe her memory would be different.

My point was that managing the process well can produce a very positive outcome. If you focus on the social and emotional aspects of the child's first brush with school then you will get everyone settled in and independent far quicker than if you see the business of getting into the school, outerwear off and sitting on the rug for circle time as an element of the day that can't be treated as a learning experience for the children, just a matter of getting from point A to point B in a certain amount of time.

By positive outcome I mean children who are able to get themselves ready for class in an efficient and orderly way independent of parental help, and children who are secure enough in a routine as well as confident about their competence. Children who are secure and confident are better able to learn.

There was nothing 'not gentle' about the routine my DCs experienced. Teachers and TAs can be just as charming and kind as parents. If you have an idea of a TA with a face like the crack of doom marching solemn children in silence to a cloakroom area and barking orders you couldn't be more mistaken.

(And they were allowed to bring their lovies to school too.)

Lining up alphabetically, walking in with the TA or teacher, being taught and supervised and knowing exactly what to do and what was going to happen next was a great way to ease anxiety. There was no Great Unknown or Unpredictable to fear. What happened from lining up time to circle time was completely predictable from day one.

They are very family focused at age four, that is absolutely true the family focus continues until age 7 or 8 really ime. But since they pretty much have to go to school (unfortunately) at age 4 why not give them a sensible routine and the skills to accomplish self care? If family focused children can manage to wipe themselves in school, and if a teacher can soothe tears after a fall, then they can be expected to manage a routine that gets them into school, and actually learn something positive from it (how to take off a coat and hang it up, how to put on a coat again for instance). They are taught all sorts of self care skills at home despite being primarily family people the aim of the exercise for parents is to have them gradually becoming more and more independent as the years go by after all. Just because children are family focused doesn't mean they need to be fed or have their food cut up for them after a certain age, or their derrieres wiped for them -- in fact infantilising children has a negative effect.

And it is usually done because of the needs of the parent.

I've no idea what your beef is about schools having different routines in the morning to yours, or how you think things should be done maths, but I've lost interest.

I'm not sure how we jumped from mine and others point that children have a wide range of different needs to preventing them from developing their own self-care or 'infantalising', em, infants, but you're on your own with it now .

I don't understand why you think children aren't being given things like a routine or the skills for self-care, just because they are taking the transition from home to school at a gentler pace, math. Personally I would have ruled out entirely any school that wasn't prepared to welcome parents to the classroom/school building as appropriate because it would have been intolerable for my child. All children are different. I am really glad that the school I chose recognises that and uses it positively to build relationships between staff and parents as well as staff and children.