early days in reception - dont have a clue what is going on. is this normal?

[shelley72]

ok i realise that most teachers will now be at work so i may not get a response straight away. i also realise that school is different to nursery and at the moment the YR teacher is proabbly concentrating on making sure that everyone has put their book bag in the right place, hung up coats etc and ensuring that little ones are settled - which is all good.

i am wondering however if we have chosen a bad school for DS, or if what i am seeing is perfectly normal for a school. we dont really get a good morning how are you (to the child). at pick up time the children line up and are sent off to their parents. if i wait around and ask if DS has been ok, i feel like i am really being inconvenient/troublesome in even asking. i have no clue what they have actually done that morning - no-one says they have been colouring/playing in home corner/building towers. it is early days and luckily DS has been happy at drop off (third day today) but i am beginning to worry a little about the school.

i thought teachers wanted parents to be involved and interested? i dont need to know every detail of the day but a general 'he has been fine/not been listening/played nicely with x today' would be helpful just so i can get a feeling if he is settling well. will this improve or should i continue in making nuisance of myself?

I think that sounds fairly normal. If the teacher spent even 30 seconds talking to each parent at pick up time, it would take15 minutes to get them all out. I'm sure they will let you know of any major concerns.

Also agree it sounds normal. There isn't time for each teacher to give you in depth (or even quick) report about your child. They tend to tell you about the very good or the very bad only!! The school may produce a weekly/termly newsletter which will give you some idea of the broader topics/activities covered. There should be a parents evening in a few weeks where you will have more time to talk - if you have specific worries you could also ask to have a few minutes with the teacher after school. In general the best way to find out what your child has been doing is to search their clothing/bodies for signs of pen/paint/glue/sand !

I agree with the other PP. I think if we needed to say something we either put a note into DD's bag or send an email to the school. The teacher was available in the morning when the children line up but it again parents only grabbed her attention when it was something serious.

It was a bit of a change from nursery where we got a detailed report but I can understand that the teacher and the TA just don't have the time.

I agree too.

I would only ask the teacher that sort of thing if there was a specific reason to worry. ie they cried going in/something (mentioned to teacher) had upset them the day before, behaviour issues the day before, that sort of thing.

Also if you ask every day there is a risk that you will become one of "those" parents who is seen to be a bit over fussy and then be taken less seriously if there is a real issue.

I found it better to ask specific questions about the day, rather than what did you do. eg. Who did you sit next to at lunch, did you do some colouring, was the sand pit out, what was the snack today, you've got blue paint on your dress, what were you painting.

Yes that is the norm for school reception.

What you are describing is what used to happen in DD's nursery. If you think about it it is not feasible to do with a class of 30 plus the child is supposed to be independent and tell you what they have done.

Fortunately my DD was very chatty about school - I used to have other mums wondering how I knew what was going on.

If there is a problem the teacher will tell you or if you have a specific concern speak to the teacher or put a note in the reading book.

If there is any opportunity to go into school and you can, do it eg I go to assembly every week. Makes you feel alot more involved and the snippets the child has told you make more sense.

Also the school may have an afternoon where you can go in (stay and play) or perhaphs a meeting for parents where they explain how they are teaching phonics etc. School may also have a parents evening to chat about how they have settled in.

If you chat to a mum with older children there they will fill you in on how your school does things.

I think that is standard. Making a big fuss at the start and end of the day would make it seem like a big deal, when really it's just got to be a regular everyday thing for the children and not an emotional fuss over goodbyes and hellos.

The teacher won't have something to tell you every day, and will quickly tire of parents 'checking in' more often than necessary.

The only bit of the post that seems odd is that they don't say 'hello' to the child, assuming that they are dropped off into the classroom (wouldn't expect it on a playground drop off, as children are probably greeted when in the form room).

Catching the teacher at dismissals is OK for quick, straightforward enquiries, or to ask the best time to deal with something lengthier.

thank you - so i am being a bit overprotective of my pfb . i do realise that teacjers dont have the time to spend on each child and we were told that we can either catch them in the 15mins prior to registration or that we can make an appt after school if its something more complex we need to chat about.

i think its just the not saying 'hello how are you today x' that made me think crikey what have we put our son into. as at nursery they greeted them every morning really cheerfully as we went in. i dont know anyone at the school yet but i spoke to some other new mums at pick up today and they feel a bit the same - as in wondering what is going on / if their child has settled ok.

i know that they are planning a parents meeting soon about reading so maybe we will find out more then. in the meantime i will try not to worry and hope the school isnt that bad

I agree with Edith. The only part of the post that seems odd is that they don't greet the child on a morning (assuming they are dropped off in class).

I presume your DS went to a nursery where his key worker would give you a brief outline of what they had done through the day. The same does not happen in school, children are getting older and more independent, and are able to tell you themselves what they've done though I have found the default answer is usually they did nothing, played with nobody, ate nothing and said nothing. I wouldn't expect a rundown from the teacher/TA at the end of the day and I would only approach the them if DD had been ill or if they had reason to speak to me (accident forms etc). As everyone else said, the teacher has up to 30 children in her class and it would be completely impractical to speak to every parent at the end of the day.

I like dixiechick's suggestion. At our school there is an open parents evening in September, where you can chat with the teachers, PTA, Governors and other parents. We were also invited to eat lunch with our DC at school in the first term of reception and newsletters are sent out weekly, if not more often. I am a parent reader at the school and I have found that an excellent way of getting to know the school better.

I think that starting school is as much of an adjustment for the parents as it is for the children, hope your DS continues to enjoy school.

It sound very similar to our school at home time.

In the morning though there is always someone on the door with a big smile saying hello and asking how everyone is which is lovely.

We always have a parents evening just after October half term, though any big problems would have been raised on an individual basis before then. There really shouldn't be any surprises on parents evening.

It's normal. My youngest is currently in reception and my eldest recently went through reception.

In the morning, we send the children through the door, we don't see the class teacher, there is a TA on the door making sure the children don't come out again and a further TA ensuring they get to the right classroom. (We don't see this though, I know from having had 2 kids there). So, I haven't seen DD's teacher today. When I pick up, DD's teacher will give her to me probably with a smile. She would only talk to me if there had been a problem. She has many children to dismiss and has to focus on getting them to the right person.

Nursery is very different because people are dropping off at slightly differing times and the staff can greet you and your child. In school, hundreds of children need to be sorted out at the exact same time - in our school, they line up (not year R in the early days, they go straight in until they are settled) and parents are not supposed to mingle with the lines.

If you want to speak to the teacher about something in particular, you can make an appointment. You do find out much less about school than about nursery unless you have a child that tells you stuff.

I would have hated what you are describing, OP.

when dd2 (so not my PFB! ) went into reception lst year, we dropped off into the classroom, which was just past the office/admin.

she was greeted by name by any member of staff we came across (inc the other reception class teacher and TA). I had a quick chat each morning (usually just a 'morning, how are you?' chat) with either dd2's teacher or TA, and they always said hello to dd1 as well, who was always with me (dd1 doesn't go to the same school). there was always time for any query i may have, including genral 'is she settling ok?' queries.

this morning (dd2 now gone into yr 1), dd2 was greeted, by name, by the head who was collecting up reading books. head also greeted dd1 by name (i have no recollection of introducing dd1 to her), and knew ds' name (he was born during the summer holidays - ok it's a dead cert that dd2 has been chatting away about him, but I was impressed nonetheless given this is a woman I have only seen a handful of times over the past year).

I would hate to feel as disconnected from the people at school as is apparently 'normal' going by what everyone describes as standard on this thread.

Hi shelley72:

I agree with many who've said that this is quite normal.

I don't know if your DC was a nursery first, where parents picked up in dribs and drabs so staff did have those 2 minutes to tell you about your invidiual child's day.

What I will say is that the advice to go to reading mornings, workshops, afternoon drop in sessions, etc... is the way to find out what is going on.

If you're feeling very excluded and would like to be more a part of things you could also consider becoming more involved with the PTA.

This is a real milestone - this starting reception thing - but it doesn't mean that your losing touch. What it means is you have to build in new structures.

Setting aside time each day to talk about the school day. Maybe making time to support school work - like reading books sent home from school together each evening before bed. Try building in 15 - 20 minutes a day to this kind of thing and gradually you'll find that you will feel more 'in touch' of how your child is doing. We try and make a point of discussing the school day during dinner and we take turns helping bathing/ reading with our girls - so we each get a chance to see how reading is progressing (& because we enjoy it - it's a nice winding down time for everybody).

HTH

Sounds pretty normal. We were just told to let the children go into class alone, TA stood by the door taking any notes. We were not allowed in the classroom.

When my son started Reception last year I had no idea what he was doing and I felt really frustrated by it. On our schools website it states the school promote parents partnership in learning however, we had no idea about the topics they were even focusing on. During a meeting it was suggested by parents that a weekly reception newsletter might be useful and the teachers agreed. We got to know the weekly sound the children were focusing on, topics, reminders and who was star of the week etc. The teachers took it in turns each week to put it together. It was all very simple but really helpful and I really enjoyed receiving it each week, as I felt I could support my son that little bit more at home knowing what he was learning each week. We don't receive this now in yr, infact we are just about lucky if we get a school newsletter. Very poor communication.

I've just posted on another thread on this subject, but just to say again that it seems to be a real missed opportunity for a school when they just slam the door in parents' faces.

The transition into Reception is a really big one for children and parents alike, and a good school should recognise that and focus on involving parents from the start, by encouraging them into the Reception classroom to meet the teachers and the other parents who they will be spending the next 7 years at the school gate with.

Schools are communities, which flourish when parents feel involved and committed to the school - a skilled Reception team should manage the involvement of parents properly IMO.

It is the same at DS's school and I remember when he started YR a couple of years ago, it was so strange realising that you had little/no contact with the teacher and had absolutely no idea what was going on. You soon get used to it though

It is when the teacher approaches you at pick-up time for a 'little chat' that you know things have not gone well that day...or even worse, when you pick up DS from after-school club to be greeted with the words that 'Mrs X needs to have a word with you'

Same here, DS1 has just started YR1 so I now know to expect it but Reception was rather a shock after nursery where yes you get a detailed report, the staff know and greet your child and tell you little anecdotes. None of that anymore in Reception I'm afraid and if your child is like mine, well he's done "nothing" all day. Very frustrating and the twice-yearly parent-teacher sessions aren't much more enlightening I found, didn't really learn anything I didn't know already, an none that I want like what's his reading level ("oh it's fine he's coming on as expected"). Morning dropoff there's a swarm of parents around the teacher so no chance to talk. [It's not like they're getting much time either, it's all little things like so-and-so lost his jumper, and Ellie will be picked up by Olivia's mum today.]

It's hard to get even little things out of my son, and some are dubious e.g. "I flew a dragon today" - well maybe there was a dragon theme to the day but who knows. As you start getting to know more parents it can help, I've had other parents telling me stories via their child. But it's still very limited and I do worry that I have no idea what's happening . I don't get any afterschool snippets either as I work FT so miss out on post-school gossip if any.

At least DS1 seems happy to go to school, I've not had any specific negative feedback so overall I need to assume it's going well but oh yes it's a big change. I do wonder if this year I should insist on a separate meeting with the teacher but worry about being labelled a pushy parent and whether I'll even learn anything - in particular as DS1 has two teachers job-sharing this year so I feel they'll know him even less .

After all the fuss at nursery. it can feel odd when DC goes to school. Instead of having a paper/file handed to you about everything Dc has done/coloured/said/pooed you get nothing. Unfortunately, get used to it. Most of the time my DS comes home and when I ask what he's done all day he says 'I can't remember' or 'Nothing' or 'I don't know'. Tis the way of things I'm afraid.

There's (necessarily) a definite scaling down in 'feedback', and that's normal. But schools and individual teachers vary a lot, it seems, in how they manage the transition. It is possible for Reception teachers to be caring, welcoming, and communicative, and IMO it benefits the school as a whole if they are.

That's not to say that uncommunicative (with parents) teachers are bad teachers, they might be great, but it's a shame on lots of other levels, especially in Reception.

Not just us then?! However, having received a severely dehydrated DD home on two occasions in her first 3 days (they took her contraband juice off her on day one, chucked it and didn't give her anything else - but didn't inform us of our error, so thank goodness DD mentioned it - although when we sent her in with plain water the next day, she/they forgot to bring it into the dining hall at lunch time, so once again, she went thirsty on a hot day), and our attempts to discuss the situation brushed off, we're more than a bit concerned about the communication...or lack thereof! We had no settling in days, no explanation of how things would work, and twice I've asked for information which subsequently turns out to be incorrect. Is this really normal?! We're actually in the process of moving DD to another school already, because the "vibe" we get from this school is so bad, but in just one telephone conversation with the "new" school, the lady volunteered more information than I asked for, reassured me, and told me about the school's policies and how reception works there. I had a longer conversation with her than any of the people who I trusted with my daughter's care last week!
I can accept that the teachers can't spend 5 minutes with every parent, every day for the entire year, but in the first few days when parents are anxious, aren't quite sure about what's going on, and want to know how their children are settling in, why can't teachers make that bit of effort? Forming a relationship with the parents is important in order to help the child to reach their potential, and I don't abdicate all parental responsibility when DD crosses the school threshold, so I want to know what she's up to! Hearing her come home with stories of being thirsty, or having been hit by other children (which also happened in the first few days), is horrible, and maybe if teachers talked to us, it would help us to find out how much is truth and how much is exaggeration!

I wonder whether some schools aren't making any effort with parents because they are oversubscribed?

I've heard of some oversubscribed schools refusing even to show prospective new parents around because they don't feel there's any point as they will fill their places anyway. Very short sighted though.

Dd1 has chapped lips for the first time in her life and I'm wondering if it because she is not drinking enough at school. Her lip was bleeding a little bit so I sent her on with a chapstick and told the TA as teacher was busy. TA said for her to put it in her drawer and use at playtime/lunchtime. Which was fine. Until her teacher took it off her when she was using it before playtime and hasn't returned it.

So the poor thing has spent the last week at school with sore dry lips. I have managed to get them a bit better by applying carex at every opportunity at home and she knows to drink more at school.

But honestly, are they even looking after her?