Teachers: what makes the perfect parent?

[Campaspe]

Just wondered really. If you've got a child in infant school in a perfect world(!), how would that parent behave? What's important? How should parents communicate with the school? How involved do you want them to be? What should we be doing with our children at home to support their learning? How should we raise concerns?

And maybe, even more importantly, what are the things that parents do that really piss you off?

Ooh I want to know too.....

Each child and each school is different- perhaps you should address these questions to your children's school?

Bin
If the OP school is like my DD's then they don't communicate (well they do but with lots of spelling mistakes or too late for parents to action)
I know not a jot!
Dd went back to Y1 this term. No mention of which days are PE or bookbag days, which actual room they will go to, what the syllabus will cover or anything else which may be useful.

I'm not a perfect parent. And there is no such thing as a perfect school surely?

I have volunteered in a Y1/2 class previously and in chatting with the teacher the things she wants are for the children to get a decent night sleep, to arrive on time and to have support with reading and any other things that come home. Write in the reading diary every time you read with them, even if it's just a note to say "read pages 1-8" or "he struggled with the word father but otherwise OK" etc. It really doesn't matter what you write, just note that they have been read with. All schools are different but DS3's teacher always comes outside to take the children in and is available for a quick word if needed either before or after school.

I'll bookmark and ask DP who is a Deputy Head teacher when he gets in

Good questions though

DP said some of the main things are the basic things such as:-

Support the schools decisions, parents sometimes forget that the teachers are the professionals of learning.

Turning up for events like sports day, shows, parents evening etc

Paying for trips & dinners on time.

If there is a problem, talk direct to the teacher and not "in the playground" (to other parents)

Make sure they have the right PE kit and equipment all of the time.

Support reading at home, like the other poster said, even just one page, sign the reading record and advise of any struggles.

If you buy books for them, take them to book shop with you so that they can choose.

Don't be afraid to challenge if you're unhappy with something. If you don't get a resolution, go through the appropriate channels (first the class teacher, then deputy then head)

Remember your kid is incredibly precious to you, but the class teacher will have 30 of them. Whilst they'll do there best to make your child feel special, theyll be doing the same to another 29 and sometimes things may be forgotten or not deemed as important to them as it is to you.

Hope this helps

On time, a vague attempt at uniform and a half decent breakfast in their tum. That'll do for me.

shattereddreams I feel as you do, no information here either.
Good questions though.

I'd say one of the most useful attributes is an ability to look at the child you have and be honest about their strengths and weaknesses and their character.
To be able to listen to someone else's views and reasons for how they have dealt with your child calmly before launching into what you think should be happening.
And yes to caring for them properly out of school, feeding, sleeping, teaching them to be able to accept the fact that their turn is not always first and that their needs are no more important than the next person's.

GodisaDJ, I have worked in some very economically-deprived areas with immigrant parents whose first language was not English. Some of the things on your DP's list would have been very difficult for them to achieve.

Sleep.

Breakfast... well, food in general, if you wouldn't mind. Something as well as chocolate and caffeinated fizzy drink in the lunchbox makes a big difference to my afternoons..

Being on time to drop them off and pick them up would be great. If not that, I'd be happy if you brought them most days, preferably before 10 am, for most of the year.

PE kit is really handy, but actually we don't really mind if you can't provide it, though we would prefer it if you didn't take items from the school 'spares' box (or the bag we have made up for your child and which I take home to wash because we know they don't like feeling 'different' from the others) home with you for ever without mentioning it.

Reading would be nice, but I'd settle for you talking to them every now and again. Or even if you never speak to them, you could hug them once a day. Or once a week. Or ever.

Not a very 'MN' school, where I teach.

(Ah, and I should also have said that I would prefer not being sworn at or physically threatened by you - especially not in full view of half the children in the schoool. I don't mind so much for myself, but it does upset the little ones.)

Yup.
Good job someone is working their little socks of for those children, isn't it?

Perhaps one should try for the perfect school before discussing perfect parents?

Even in an ideal world neither are possible.

All Children are different, as are parents, as are teachers, as are schools. They are all interlinked. You can't have one without the other.

So are you saying this thread is pointless then, as perfection is unattainable so why bother?

I'm with Woffling - Godisa's list makes huge assumptions about parents and the home lifestyles of the pupils.

It assumes parents are:

• Literate.

• In some kind of flexible employment which allows time off during the day.

• Ditto able to come into school at a time when teachers are there - the hours between 8 am and 5 pm are completely impossible for many of our parents who juggle several jobs to keep afloat. When are they supposed to come in to talk to the teacher?

• Comfortable financially (If a school trip costs £8, then form several of our families, we know that the money needs to be paid in 8 £1 weekly instalments. Or none at all until after payday. 'On time' assumes a level of financial security that may be impossible for many families)

• Able to buy items like PE kits, and having a lifestyle orderly enough (undisrupted by e.g. substance dependancy, mental illness, complex arrangements with split and multiple families) to know on which days it is needed.

• Familiar enough with the UK education system to know that there are appropriate channels. if you have never been to school yourself, or are from a different culture, how are you supposed to know??

Perfection isn't possible. i would have thought that teachers would be inclined to set SMART targets yes I know there's an extra letter in there somewhere
Aiming for something that is achieveable and realistic is better than perfection.
aiming for perfection immediately fails a number of SEN children, failing teachers, less economically stable families, etc etc.

Woffling, I'm being fairly tongue in cheek, actually. I know that what I am requesting is absolutely impossible for many of the parents of the children that I teach - and that's fine.

I really don't mind what parents do in relation to the school - it's my job to teach the children to the best of my ability whatever the parents do. I would prefer them not to neglect and abuse their children, though, if that could be managed, as that really does get to me however hard I try.

In school, on time, having had a decent night's sleep and a proper breakfast. I can take it from there.

Thanks for everyone who answered my questions. It was just a light-hearted query; I do recognize that there is no such thing as a perfect school or teacher any more than there are perfect parents or children!

One thing that strikes me reading these replies is that teachers' requirements/requests are so basic and straightforward really. I guess you would hope that 95% of parents fulfil these without even thinking about them, but I accept that's probably a naive view and some children have difficult upbringings. It's really sad that teacher's list above isn't the norm.

Be interesting to hear more about the things that parents do that are absolute no-nos.

The OP did say in a perfect world..

Obv at the opposite end of the scale, parents won't need to do breakfast, sleep, prep etc as the children will be living at school.

I think she just wants to know as a normal middle-class parent who is literate, can afford breakfast etc.

teacherwith2kids serious respect to you, your school sounds challenging to put it mildly.

how can a parent guarantee a decent nights sleep for a child who refuses to sleep despite their best efforts and said child being heavily medicated?

I disagree with what makes a perfect parent being a "one shoe fits all" list.

Sorry campaspe, cross posted!

Well, we could shock MN and have them pearl-clutching fit to bust I suppose...
Don't beat, burn, batter or otherwise abuse your child.
Feed them a reasonable diet covering the major food groups at least three times a day, and let them sleep in a quiet comfortable bed for at least 8 hours out of 24.
Don't swear at them, frighten them on a daily basis and tell them they have ruined your lives and are selfish shits. Or prioritise your BF/FWB/One Night Stand above them.
Don't chuck their work in the bin the minute they give it to you. Don't kill their pet as a punishment. Don't send them without anything warm to wear in the freezing cold.

For more able and affluent parents, develop their social skills, read with them on a daily basis and encourage them to be kind, considerate and thoughtful towards their peers.

Also x-post with campaspe