Help - day 3 reception and DD in trouble.

[bushymcbush]

After day 2, DD told me she'd been told off for not tidying up when she'd been told.

Today (day 3) the teacher spoke to me after school to say that she had had several instances of refusing to do what she was told today. It seems to be mostly related to tidying up tasks. She has been moved down the 'star chart'.

DD so far seems very happy at school - she is cheerful and keen to get there.

I really want to nip this in the bud - how do I help her?

You need to sit her down and explain to her that everyone needs to help tidy up. Some children get a bit of a shock when they start school as there a few more rules and routines. Praise her when she tidies up at home, and when she does something you ask her to do

Did she go to nursery before school or is this her first experience of an adult other than you telling her what to do?

I would reiterate to your DD that when an adult at school tells her to do something it is not optional she has to do it. Maybe tell her that you will ask the teacher when you collect her tomorrow if she has done as she was told, and if she has you will take her for a little treat?

She went to a Montessori pre-school where the children were encouraged to choose their own activities, but they were big on tidying up and as far as I know she didn't refuse there. Mind you, the Montessori school seemed to be unwilling to tell parents about any problems.

I will try the treat idea tomorrow, thanks.

I certainly wouldn't be giving treats for normal expected behaviour tbh. She just has to learn that it's not optional at school and that she must do as she is told. Just another part of them growing up and moving forwards.

Sounds a bit rum to me. Not your daughter, but the teacher.

Moving pupils up and down a bloody star chart a few days into Reception is unusual, surely?

I don't know if it's unusual - I have no experience of Reception class.

Isn't it unusual for a new Reception pupil to be misbehaving like this?

I do agree the star chart thing sounds a bit much - they're all making massive adjustments to what is a huge change in their routines, they're all very little, and to so obviously "punish" them so early seems like overkill.

That said - she has to learn to accept instruction or she will have real problems settling. Have you spoken to her about it? Is there a reason she won't co-operate? How biddable is she at home - is there a general issue with taking instruction?

It's not remotely unusual for a Reception child to find it difficult to follow all the rules or all the instructions they're given, no.

Is the classroom quite noisy do you think? Is she actually able to hear the teacher properly?

I would reiterate that she needs to do as the teacher asks. And does she tidy at home?

I was always told, that for the first term, teachers are a little harder on the children to get them to behave. Then ease off after Christmas. Don't know if it's true, but I've certainly found it to be true so far.

So moving down a star chart might seem harsh but the teacher will want to nip it in the bud and it's a visible way of them seeing a consequence to their action.

Hope it's sorted soon-but at least she's happy!

At this stage I'd let the teacher handle it - there's no point in making more of an issue for your DD than there needs to be. She needs to know that home is still a safe and reliable place to return to at the end of a busy and confusing day.

I think one of the first priorities in Reception is to get the children used to sitting quietly/taking instructions/listening, and I'm sure the teacher knows what she's doing. Some children really struggle with this at first, as there are massively different levels of maturity at this age.

I would wait and see what happens at school; if things don't improve, and if the school/teacher is any good, they will involve the parents as and when necessary to develop a strategy to help your DD settle in.

In our house, if the teacher has a word with me then I have a stern word at home. Beyond that I've always left it to the teacher to handle, although now ds2 is in Y2 I might add an additional sanction if he was repeatedly in trouble. But at this age, other than talking to her about what the teacher has said (and checking she understands what is being asked of her) I'd leave it.

I would thrash the little blighters to within an inch of their lives

DISCIPLINE that's what this country needs

I would be gentle about it but do ask DD why she didn't want to do the things the teacher asked. Then explain that actually she needs to do them, it's not a choice.

See with my ds if they'd said "it's early days he'll learn to do what he's told shortly" he'd have thought he'd got away with it and would be much worse when told now he had to do what he was told.
He always likes to "test" a new teacher with what he can get away with so he knows where he is. If they let him get away with something in the early days, he'll push further and harder.
I would agree with tgger as to what I'd do at this stage. If it persists then yo may need to be more proactive.

We had a very similar issue with DS1 years ago - he was told to tidy up but because he had no idea where everything went he refused to help rather than explain that he didn't know what to do. Might be worth checking that she knows where stuff goes.

I feel your pain. Dd3 is not very compliant at school. She started Reception last January. If she can be enthused about something she can be delightful and very easy but she does not respond well to being told what to do. The jury is still out on how things will settle down this year but it stresses me out considerably.

Hi bushymcbush

Gosh, I'm sorry to hear you feel your DD has got off to a bit of a shaky start.

I think the teacher is trying to 'stamp her authority' from the get go here and there is a mindset that if you start off very firm, you nip problems in the bud and get the expected good behavior you desire.

To be fair to the teacher 30 four year olds can be a handful and I certainly don't think I'd be able to manage that easily.

I think you also may be suffering a bit from the change from how things were at nursery. Every little bump and milestone seemed to be reported whilst my DDs were at nursery and primary school and it was an overwhelmingly happy, cuddly, friendly place. Primary school can seem very impersonal and stern in comparison. Certainly DD1 had a very stern Year R teacher, who I found pretty shockingly cold in the first weeks (we weren't even allowed to go in and help them hang up coats, etc... and kiss them goodbye) but ultimately DD1 absolutely adored this teacher.

I wouldn't get too wound up that your DD moved slightly down the 'star chart'. It's good that the teacher is monitoring behavior (hopefully of all students) and oddly enough at that age getting a sticker or smiley face on the board is a big deal.

It's very early days. Talk to your DD about why she didn't do what the teacher asked, but don't make a big deal about it. Just try and discover if the problem was one of not understanding what to do or how to do it - or if your DD was just being a bit difficult. If the latter, then try to support the teacher by explaining that sometimes at school you do have to pack up and put away when the teacher asks you to so you can get on to the next lesson, go to assembly, go home, go to lunch, etc... The school day goes very quickly and if children don't cooperate, it just eats into the fun time you can have learning, doing and playing.

HTH

Oops

whilst my DDs were at nursery and primary school

that was in error - started to type: and primary school just is so different, but changed mind