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Original poster

Oh God it's day two and DD already doesn't want to go to school

12 replies

lucysnowe · 06/09/2012 12:07

Yesterday she was super hyper, all 'yay I'm going to school I'm going to wear a uniform, yay!' Today she said she would go to the school but 'stay outside' and I tried in vain to persuade her, find out what went wrong yesterday etc and when everyone lined up to go in she started pitching a fit and shouting very loudly 'I don't want to go to school!!!' and I started crying and I had to physically hand her over to the assistant while all the mums with their lovely, docile children looked on pityingly. Sad Please tell me I'm not the only one this has happened too?

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Elibean · 06/09/2012 12:15

Of course you're not Smile

Both my dds were super keen day 1, not at all sure day 2, full out tears and upset day 3. Its the newness wearing off, and the realisation this is going to be ongoing, and the amount of time away from Mummy/home....but I promise you, it will pass soon.

I gave lots of reassurance, and if it was separation anxiety I would give a teeny 'precious' pebble to dd to put in her pocket, or draw her a little cartoon of me hugging her and pop it in her lunch box, etc. dd2 still has (in Y1) a tiny fluffy bear in her bookbag, to hug when she feels sad - teacher approved.

Hope she comes out smiling, thats the important bit!

dikkertjedap · 06/09/2012 12:16

Could you speak to her teacher after school today to (1) find out if anything happened yesterday which could explain why your dd didn't want to go today; and (2) the best way forward.

Unfortunately, the fact that you got upset might make it more difficult for her (and for you), so would it be possible for your DH/partner/somebody else to take her to school the next two weeks or so? If not, check with school if you could hand her over to one of the TAs slightly before all the others come in. Schools are used dealing with separation issues and the TA might give her a 'special' job helping her with something which sufficiently distracts her.

Good luck.

Original poster
lucysnowe · 06/09/2012 12:24

Thanks for the support. :-)

I think both DD and I are both a bit slow in realising this is ongoing dikkert I really surprised myself by crying - it is partly because she is going to a different school than most of her pre-school friends and I was thinking about her being lonely and feeling guilty too - hence waterworks. It is a good idea tho, DH can probably take her in tomorrow. :-)

She was always absolutely fine going to pre-school etc so I wonder if something specific has upset her rather than separation anxiety? Teacher didn't say yesterday tho.

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Original poster
lucysnowe · 06/09/2012 12:25

Should be a full stop after 'ongoing'!

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DeWe · 06/09/2012 12:41

Tbh that is fairly common. Not just after one day, but sometimes after a week, a month, even a term. Suddenly the child realised this is it, this is what I have to do, and then they suddenly, for no apparent reason cry and want to stay at home.
The pitying mums haven't necessarily got away with it yet Grin
My ds I used to have to peel off me at our doorway. Once he'd crossed the threshold he would be fine and go apparently happy to school. Other people would say how nicely he went in, however they didn't see me at our door trying to get him out.

It may be something little (eg someone hanging their coat on THEIR peg) has happened, but often it seems to come out of the blue. Or another child starts crying and it sets them off.

Mostly they're absolutely fine within seconds of mum going. I've only known one child who wasn't.

Hellokitt · 06/09/2012 12:51

Oh my DS was the same yesterday(day2) first day all excited then as someone else posted it's a realisation that it's everyday. They peeled him off me with him screaming the school down & shouting Mummy. I was trying to fix his glasses back to his eyes as they'd risen up over his head in the struggle to get him from me & they just told me to leave and I was so upset. Got outside school, could still hear him crying for Mummy and I then couldn't control my tears anymore. I called just before lunch & he was fine. He got a sticker for stopping crying so was pleased with himself. He told me he was upset as the day is too long & he misses and loves me too much. Bless him. I gave him reassurance last night that I miss & love him aswell & will always be there to pick him & sister up or if not me then someone he loves v much will be there. He seemed a lot better today, was v brave, kept his emotions together & walked in ok. So dont know if it was the chat we had , thoughts of a sticker or knowing that we are going to the park straight after school but I'm feeling a lot calmer myself today. He just turned 4 at end of April it's a huge change for them & he also was in the nursery class at this school for a year, so knows lots of children, most of the teachers & his teaching assistant he knows v v well. He is also used to being away from me all day twice a week(work part time), so it's just the new environment & routine is always unsettling. So no of course you're not the only one, I'm sure there were tears up and down the country yesterday from children & many more parents. I do hope tomorrow is a lot better for you both. I understand that gut renching feeling v well. If he was going to be the same today then I was going to ask Husband or my sister to bring him in so that's a good idea I think. Good luck. I'm new to here but this made me want to write as I feel for you.

stargirl1701 · 06/09/2012 12:53

It's pretty common. Some kids think that after one day they have 'done' school and don't need to go back Grin. She'll settle eventually.

Original poster
lucysnowe · 06/09/2012 12:55

It may have been a little something. Yesterday on the way home she had a big tantrum in the car because she had picked up a holly leaf and wanted to give it to the teacher and wanted to go back to school RIGHT NOW! she was probably super tired though. Strange child :) Apparently she was okay today when I phoned up but she had had a relapse when they mentioned her packed lunch, so maybe something happened then?

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Original poster
lucysnowe · 06/09/2012 12:58

Hellokitt - thankyou so much for writing. :) Glad I'm not the only one, but sorry obv your son was upset! It sounds as if you did exactly the right thing! DH is on holiday next week so I will have to cope with it on my own, I hope she is a bit better tomorrow. I might try stickers!

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saffronwblue · 06/09/2012 13:05

My DD now 10 melted down every day for the first few weeks. I was holding it together through her screams until one day a mum said to me "I don't know you but I wish I could give you a hug" which made me completely sob in the playground.

It is just such a huge effort for them to try to be good and work out what is going on and what they are meant to do next.

Original poster
lucysnowe · 07/09/2012 09:42

Hi guys

Much better today :-) There was an issue with her lunchbox so now we have gone for school dinners and she was perfectly happy to go! But we shall see what happens on Monday. ;-) Thanks again for all the messages!

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RaisinBoys · 07/09/2012 19:48

Glad she had a better day.

When my Y5 DS started school he came out the first day and said "ok, I've done school, what are we going to do tomorrow",

After a very short while you don't even see the other parents and their docile children.

Good luck for Monday!

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