Having a shocker...please help!

[birdseed]

Just turned 4 year old starting reception this term. And still no idea which of 2 schools, we should send him to. Can anyone help me think straight?!

We had decided on local primary (though had a few reservations about class size of 50 and lack of organisation when we visited), then my mum was distraught/ threw toys out of pram that we were moving him from the prep school where he had done part of his nursery year. So we thought lots and changed our minds and 2 days ago we told him he was going there instead. But they are much more formal, do lots of worksheets and don't finish until 45 mins later than primary each day (3.30). So am feeling really unsure about sending him, as I think he would benefit from time at home too and it will be pretty much teatime by the time he gets home. He seems to be learning so much (about things in general, not reading etc) at home/out and about and I don't want him to lose out on that, but equally I have no idea whether the large primary class will be chaos or not, and he was quite shy until this summer and now doing much better.

The staffing ratios are much better at the prep (inc TAs - 1:8 vs 1:13 in primary). He is good with adults, but shy-er with other children, though seems to be fine at chasing them or pretending to be a dinosaur, but otherwise a bit limited unless he knows them really well, so not sure if more adults is better for him or not.

Primary will let him start part time and another 1 or 2 children likely to be too. Prep more resistant but will let him miss 2 afternoons a week to start with but would be only child doing it. Stamina is an issue as he was screaming on floor in afternoons and wetting pants (afternoons) after 5 mornings at nursery, hence reason for wanting part time.

What would be perfect would be another term of nursery but not an option as they don't offer it where he was, you have to move up with the year. And socially we don't want him to have to join a term late and be the new one.

We have most of both uniforms (some from nursery and some from last week when we were sure about the primary). But just don't know what to do. I am upset that this is desperately unfair on him as we now haven't got time to prepare him properly (primary starts tomorrow and prep on tuesday). And am cross at my mum for interfering, as that is what has got us into this awful situation.

Anyone got any words of wisdom? Please!
If he goes to the primary he starts tomorrow, which seems really unfair but I don't want to choose the wrong school because of it.

Won't you lose your deposit at the prep? 50 to a single class sounds wrong - maybe in the whole year?

Can you afford to keep up the prep school fees, or would you change at end of KS1?

It's your decision, not your mums! 4 isn't too little to go for those hours. What's your gut feeling?

wow - what a pickle.

one observation is that you had decided on the primary until your mother got involved. so you and your dh had made an informed decision.

am also unsure about the prep option - surely you gave them a term's notice? if you dind't then you already have to pay for this term - although that in itself should have no bearing on where he goes to school for the next 7 years.

What's your gut feel about the relative pastoral care? Do I take it that DS is quite young for the year - or are there other issues affecting the tiredness, etc?

If the money is not the issue, I think I would go with the prep, TBH - based on what you have said. If you can only just afford it, then given that you have doubts, I would go with the state school on the basis that you could always move him (assuming you could, of course...)

Good Luck with that one!

can you find someone with kids already at the primary to have a cup of coffee with today? Their insight might be useful?

50 in a class?! Though the ratio of 1:13 sounds very good actually. I'd keep him in the school he knows (even though I don't really like the private system) if you can afford it and think it's worth the money. But if you prefer the style of teaching plus the extra time at home in the primary...then don't change things for the sake of your Mum.

One thing is, it will probably be hard to catch up if you switch him back into private as they do progress faster, because they are pushed more. It's up to you, what you rate, pure 'academics' or all-round education/ more time at home etc. But I would say it would be easier to swap to state than the other way around.

We will have to pay a term at the prep anyway, but we want to make the right decision for him in spite of this.

If we sent him to the prep we would do it until 11. If primary then we would look at how things are going and decide whether or not to move at the end of KS1 (after year 2).

He is a very interested little boy and will concentrate fine on the formal teacher led stuff for them. But is less able socially, certainly when compared to the year group as he is young for the year.

We have been divided 50:50 about the schools, which makes it so hard. The gut feel just isn't there. When we looked round the primary and it looked a bit chaotic but have heard good things about year 1 and reception has a new teacher.

50 in a class, but 2 teachers and 2 TAs.

Just a thought - the issues with stamina, tiredness, etc are very transient ones as he will soon be able to cope - so really not much more valid in deciding which is the right school for him long term than the relative starting dates. If you take those out of the equation (so imagine that he is coming out of either school full of beans at the end of the school day) then which would you choose?

There is likely to be more play in the state school, which may benefit him socially.

(not sure about the "hard to move him back into the prep" argument, BTW - schools vary, of course, but I have seen DC come into the prep school my DC are at with no issue at all up to and including Y3 - I think it is only later that any gap opens up)

So you are holding a local primary place that you might not use?

That is the bit I have an issue with - someone else might be desperate for that place, but has to send their child to a different school... Decide!!!

Still other places for the primary available, so not depriving anyone (think they will take 54-56 and 50 currently on list). We had kept the place as were using it - as until last week he was going there, he had been to induction, had uniform etc.

We have to pay for term of prep anyway, so thought that it was fair to keep that place, until were 100% sure.

Leaving your mother out of it.

Do you really think your boy can go into a classroom of 50, even with 2 teachers and TAs. It doesn't sound like it.

If you can afford to keep him in prep school do.

Merry - that was one of our concerns - we think that more play would be great for him socially too. But we weren't sure if it was too chaotic or whether we just caught a bad snapshot. I'm sure anywhere can look chaotic at times.

Chestnut - we can afford to keep him in prep, but had been swayed to the primary by the shorter hours, greater flexibility in part time in the first two terms, more play based focus (thought not sure how well they do it in practice) and that he can walk/cycle to school.
We didn't think that he would manage the class of 50 but since his time at home this summer he has become much more confident, so think that he would be ok.

Not sure what would be best though.

Am tempted to give him the pros and cons and let him decide...but not sure that that is fair!

I think the "more play based learning" is a red herring, TBH. The prep might look more formal, but independent schools have to follow EYFS, so Reception will be just as much play based learning there as in the state school.

FGS do not let him decide! Or your mother (and don't blame her - it's your decision whatever her reaction).

Personally I'd send him to the state school, then think about private at 7+ if you're not too sure about the academic side of the state.

But infants really shoudl be about socialising, gaining confidence, and learning how to work, not necessarily doing much actual work, just preparing for it. Doing worksheets at 4yo sounds dreadful tbh. Where's the fun in that?

the class of 50 is really 2 classes of 25 though - each with a TA? that's pretty good for a primary school?

agree with stealthsquiggle - reception is play based wherever you are - worksheets are just one way to structure the small amount of formal learning they will do?

think that if you had left the prep place open - you really hadn't made your minds up and that there is no reason to now be cross with your Mum?

all reception children find it a bit tiring - and any school will make allowances for that (and for the inevitable toilet accidents) -that issue will disappear faster than you know and then you have to be left with a school you are happy with for the next 7 years.

agree - holding a primary place that you are still dithering about is not good - someone out there may end up having to move their dc from one primary to another if you reject the place now.

Growing up with all your friends living close by is great for socialising which is what being a young child is all about.

I would always advocate the closest school regardless of OFSTED etc unless there is a glaring reason not to, extra learning can be done at home and children are like sponges so they want to learn.

if he has only just turned 4 then he does not have to go to school until he is 5.
Not a class of 50 though is it?

Whenever I am completely undecided about two different options that both appeal equally in every other way, I go for the cheapest.

Admittedly I am usually looking at shoes or cakes or something, but no reason why it shouldn't also apply here

I would choose the state option. The prep will still be there in a year or two if the state option doesn't work out.

If he's already done a year at nursery at the prep and you are not thinking - what a great school/it would be hard to move him from his friends then maybe it isn't the school for you.

Alot of your reasons are very short term concerns. How are the classes arranged next year in both schools? eg will state go to 1:26 ratio (single class 1 teacher no TA)? Is the prep day longer as they are doing sport/swimming etc. It may actually free up evening time if you are not having to take him to swim lessons after school.

That said If you are happy with the state then i'd be inclined to go with that.

Oh dear, hope you have decided...not good to be unsure that late in the day. There isn't really a right answer, there are probably good points to both schools. I would go the local, walking route with option to change later but I think the prep is an equally valid choice and ultimately it comes down to personal preference, your values and priorities. I prioritise walking to school and school being free at this stage. As long as I can see the DCs settling and learning that it.

I wouldn't be swayed by the shorter hours, the prep will have more ability to monitor and work with you if there is an issue. IME afternoons are play based in yr R whether prep or state. Big busy classrooms can be more exhausting for some children too.

DS will be in a classroom of about 50 children, 2 teachers & I don't know how many TAs. School has been doing it for years, works fine, I've had 2 now 3rd child going thru reception like this. They mix up the children by ability & temperment, share resources, etc.