How to keep kids motivated? Advice please

[shebird]

At the start of the school year both DCs and I make a number of promises and start the term with lots of enthusiasm and good intentions. After a few weeks things slide and everything requires nagging. DD1 is going into Y4 and is just not bothered at times and likes to just get things done quickly with minimum effort. How do I keep them motivated and inspire them to want do their best?

Reward charts? Competition to attain personal bests, with additional rewards if the achievement itself isn't enough?

the way to keep them motivated is to stay with it.

small short term targets.
this week.....
this 1/2 term

etc.
eg. if you get out calmly and on time in the morning you can stay at school and play for 20 minutes after school
if you do your reading you accrue time on a games console

IMO it is all bribery and corruption but it works, cuts on the nagging and stress oh and good luck!!

No, no, no. Don't use bribery or reward charts.

You want your child to 'want to do their best' not to 'want a sticker/ extra computer time'

This motivation has to come from them (intrinsic motivation) not from you (extrinsic motivation)

You need to always focus on them doing their best, not on anything else.

Ie;
Ask her if she thinks shes done her best
only comment on effort not achievement.
Only give praise when it's genuine (not an endless stream of good girls, well done)
Etc

Personally I think it's too much to ask for a child to always do their best. Instead I only expect a reasonable amount of effort given the task.

But why would anyone want to 'do their best' unless motivated? And if so, how do you GET that motivation when it isn't there already?

Surely doing it for parental praise isn't intrinsic either?

Rewards are pretty much why most people do most things. Salaries are rewards, promotions, - even weight watchers have sticker charts because for some just losing the weight isn't as efficient as losing weight AND getting a sticker.

I understand that with older children that by then you want them to have bought into the idea of doing their best. To understand personal responsibility and to want to achieve.

However those concepts are BIG and I do not expect a 5 year old & 8 year old to get it. FWIW effort is what we ask for in fact I think the OP was talking about effort.

We celebrate the boys school reports if the "always tries hard" box is ticked for all the columns the achievement is secondary.

I've tried the stickers and bribery and while it works for the youngest DD1 is no longer interested. I do use bribery of sort as in when you've learned your spellings you can watch xyz. However often DD makes minimal effort just to get it finished and done with so she can get back to tv etc and it drives me nuts! Then follows an argument and tears. I've explained that doing it right first time around is always easier and she does get it but will do the same the next day. Sooo frustrating!

I've tried the stickers and bribery and while it works for the youngest DD1 is no longer interested. I do use bribery of sort as in when you've learned your spellings you can watch xyz. However often DD makes minimal effort just to get it finished and done with so she can get back to tv etc and it drives me nuts! Then follows an argument and tears. I've explained that doing it right first time around is always easier and she does get it but will do the same the next day. Sooo frustrating!

how do you learn spellings? do you vary how it is done?
DS1 is going into yr4 and we try to mix things up with spellings and tables and homework.
We practice walking to school, in the car on our way to various places, writing the words into sentences during a game of consequences, etc.

We used to do spellings on the way to school. It was a different way of visualising words. We'd take it in turns to say a letter. Or I'd spell a word and they had to tell me what it said. Or I'd spell it wrong and they had to tell me why. Same with tables.

Occasional re-focussing, but not non-stop spelling/tables games - just regular refreshers, iyswim.

Personally, I think the thing that works the best with my easily de-motivated 8 year old (about to go into Y4) is role modelling - if I am excited and enthusiastic, and give something my time and energy, she tends to pick it up and follow on.

Which is probably why her enthusiasm and motivation goes in fits and starts

Bribery works for DS. He is nearly 10 and able to work hard at something if he sees a point to it. He's bone idle and does nothing without an incentive. I don't enjoy bribing but it's that or nothing gets done at all. If he has a good go at his homework and doesn't make a fuss about it, I'll play cricket with him in the summer or French cricket or tennis or something.

I have stopped bribing for a whole term, he just does not do the homework and the school is too lax to tell him off, make him do it at lunchtime. It drove me mad, so I went back to bribing.

DD (oh the relief and relaxation) will actually choose to do her homework without being reminded. It's amazing how relieved I am about this, I was afraid she'd copy her older brother and be a pain as well...

Money.