Help! Not sure I've made the right primary school decision

[decaffeinated]

Morning,

We received a call yesterday from our local 'outstanding' church school of 250 pupils - where our son was on the waiting list. He has been to the playgroup attached to the school since he was 2.

They needed an answer right away, so we accepted, but are now wondering whether it was the right decision, and feel a bit rushed.

He was all set and ready to go our other (non-religiously affiliated) school of 450 pupils, a 5 minute walk from home which has a great local reputation, but 2's and 3's in their Ofsted report.

They both offer different things and I accepted the place at the smaller school on the basis that it would offer him a better start academically (being outstanding), and that the familiarity and smaller size of the school would perhaps enable him to settle better at this point.

Word from people around is that the smaller school is a bit stuffy (although I get on well with lots of mums on the gates from playschool drop offs and don't get this feeling), and that the bigger school is fabulous from a community perspective, and closer to home (marginally), so he'd be at school in the very heart of our local area.

Myself and husband are christened, but not churchgoers so the fact that the church school is more biased towards Christianity is fine with us, but not really a deciding factor - if anything, I feel perhaps the larger school offers more in terms of learning about other religions, and acceptance of people, but who knows - perhaps he will be able to learn this at home from us.

Of course, I just want the best for him, and for him to develop happily, and enjoy his school. Each school does offer something different and I want the best for him.

I'm just not sure whether I've placed too much of my own judgement and feelings on each school in the decision - ie: I don't know anyone at the bigger school, so naturally, it is more of an unknown quantity for me - which is perhaps why I've gone on the basis of what we know and are familiar with (and Ofsted - although that also bothers me in a way as it's not the be all and end all).

One of my hopes for the school was to get involved in all the events, and school community, and be a walk from school but I realise I have now scuppered that, although of course I will be able to get involved at the smaller school too.

My head hurts from all the thinking about it, and I appreciate that we're lucky to have a choice rather than not have a school but how did you know that you'd made the right decision for your child? Am I thinking too much into it?

My husband keeps asking what my guts saying, but it keeps changing!!! On the one hand it's saying I want the absolute best for my son, so, of course put him in the outstanding school (with the added bonus of it being smaller and more familiar to him). This school is kind of similar to the type of school I went to.

On the other hand, it's saying try something different - take a chance on the school that has a great local rep even if it's not a shining Ofsted star.

Any advice or thoughts?

I wouldn't allow myself to be blinkered by the ofsted "outstanding" badge, tbh; ofsted gradings are a pile of shite, but that's a whole other thread. An outstanding grade does not turn sows ears into silk purses. I would go with the original school if i were you. It sounds great.

Go with whichever has the best "teaching" and "progress" on the ofsted report,from the sounds of it that must be the "outstanding" one(maybe not) but be warned "outstanding" schools can quickly turn(ours has just plummeted to satisfactory).To be honest your child's education is more important than the community links(I fell for that and now wish I hadn't).

I agree, forget the ofsted - our previously outstanding school has recently been rechecked and only given a satisfactory. Most of the parents are up in arms as the school is clearly to us much better than that. Equally I have friends who have used ofsted outstanding schools who wondered how on earth the school was awarded a level like that. Go with the one you feel your child will fit in the best, where you liked the atmosphere of the school. I wouldn't be worried about the size of either school personally, they are both big in the eyes of a small child and at secondary level the schools will usually be much bigger and they will learn about the wider world.

What did you think when you visited them? That's more important than what Ofsted said. Word of mouth can be useful, though stories people report about particular schools often have a dubious relationship with the truth.

And which do you think will suit you ds best? Church schools do tend to be more formal - this may or may not be what you want for a 4 year old.

I think it was a bit unfair of the school to insist on an immediate answer tbh. They should have given you at least overnight to think it through.

When were the Ofsted reports written? Guidelines change a lot - what was 'outstanding' 2 years ago for example may very well not be judged to be that now if Ofsted walked in.

Try not to worry - it seems you had the choice of 2 good schools. As with a lot of things in life, it's not always a matter of one right choice and one wrong choice. So, I would suggest, stick with the smaller school for now.
What one parent might call "stuffy", could possibly be termed totally different by another parent, such as the school has great discipline and pupils know exactly what is acceptable and what is not.
Chances are that your child will thrive at any good school as he/she has great parents who care about education.
And if six months/one year down the line you are not happy with the school, you can still try to change - it's not as if this is it now and your child has to stay at this school forever.

Hi decaffeinated

Can I just suggest as a possibility that you've started to believe your own spin about the 450 pupil school?

Your situation sounds similar to mine in that DD didn't get in at the better (on SATs and Ofsted anyway) school where she went to nursery. As any sensible person would, you then look for the positives in your allocated school and remind yourself of all the negatives of the school you didn't get. So it's no surprise that a subsequent offer of a place at the original school throws a spanner in the works. It would for me now. (DD of her own volition has been trying on her new uniform every day since we bought it - good practice for PE!)

If you were happy with the 250 pupil school at the preschool stage then I wouldn't worry about your decision as you know it works for you (the other school might too, but you don't know that for certain).

Hi decaffeinated:

I absolutely feel for you. At the time we were accepted to an equally good but non-religous school but very inconveniently located to us - difficult to drop off/ pick up and not much in the way of before/ after school care so issues with us for work.

We ultimately got a place at the slightly nearer (but much more convenient in terms of morning drive to work and child care otpions) CofE school.

It's a very happy single form school and my DDs have been incredibly happy there - but is very unambitious educationally. Over the years I've discovered that a lot of parents are doing things at home, especially in maths because the school just doesn't have good teaching/ building-block apprpoach and very little in the way of homework to reinforce learning and give children the chance to practice.

I've been disappointed about the academic side of things but pleased with the social, it's a happy, inclusive and friendly place for my child to be. There are some great people there and some fairly horrid people there (although fortunately my least favourite is moving on - clearly prayer works!).

My feeling is no school is perfect and every school has its pros and cons. You've made your decision and the important thing in these next weeks is to support your DC as they start out at school and convey an enthusiasm for the whole experience.

Life isn't perfect and hindsight will always be 20/20 - so focus on what you can do. Support your DC in KS1 - especially with reading at home and early work with numbers (counting to 100/ counting by 2s/ adding numbers up to 10/ what + what makes 7/ etc...) and focus on the positive. Because even with its faults - there will also be good things. Try to make a point of discussing your child's day at school. Expect to have very little said about it at first - maybe only what was for dessert at lunch. But gradually the routine of discussing what was good at school today/ what did you do will establish itself and you'll learn a lot about what your child enjoys, what's good about the school and where you can help.

Finally Decaff - remind yourself that you've been happy with this school during your child's time with their playgroup. That suggests that there are things you do like about this community and its approach to caring for children. No decision in real life is ever perfect - so don't be too hard on yourself. Your son may just end up being that big fish in a small pond - and there's a lot to be said for that.

HTH

Thank you all so, so much for your replies with some really great points.

In terms of how both schools felt when I looked at them, I liked them both - to be perfectly honest, I could convince myself either way. They are both good schools, and each has a different way of doing things - both of which could potentially work for my son.

I think beneath it all its about not knowing how he will respond in either of the schools- the uncertainty of something new (for me as well as him). Combined with knowing that school is the first step towards independence and really wanting him to enjoy it, and feel safe and happy makes it feel as though it's the most important decision in the world.

Which I guess is why, when offered a place in a school he's familiar with (thereby keeping disruption and change to a minimum) it felt like the right thing to accept it.

But you're right, anything can be reversed, changed, reviewed, checked, discussions opened and I think that I'm getting to the point of thinking we've now made our choice, so let's go for it and encourage him, and see how it goes, know that either is a good choice anyway, and hope that our change in decision will turn out to be the right one.

That's where I'm at right now anyway - I also wonder whether to change back again, having told him he's not going to one, but the other would confuse him further - at an already confusing time. He also seems excited at the prospect of going to school at the school he knows.

I feel so emotional! Wow, starting school is certainly as landmark-a-time for me as well as my son!

Hi I had a sumilar predicament which I lost months of sleep over.my daughter was offered a place at an outstanding school in the next village but went to the village playgroup which is attached to our village school and is graded satisfactory.i chose the other school based in the ofstead but it never felt right in my gut.on the last day of term I changed my mind and she started at our village school last Monday and so far I feel I've done the right thing as she seems so happ there and has settled straight in.i also like walking to school with her friends and mine and an looking forward to getting involved in the local community.what ever you chose will be fine and you will make it work.goid luck with your decision.id just say listen to your gut.

Before you do anything you need to be sure what is going on here. Any offer for a school place has to come from the Local Authority admission office, so I am immediately concerned that it is the school that is phoning you up. They might be their own admission authority as they are faith school but it is the admission office that holds the waiting list for the school in admission criteria order and the admission office that should be contacting you to ask whether you want the place. So was it the school or the admission office of the LA that made the offer?
Until you have something in writing you should not do anything and you definitely should not be saying anything to the school you were originally allocated a place at.
My opinion is that if you get a formal offer that you should take it, your child has been attending the nursery, therefore you know mums and your child will know pupils also starting and be somewhat familiar with the school. You also obviously had this school as a higher preference when you originally made your decisions, so go for it.

Hi

Just to say admission for both primary and secondary in one of the largest LEAs in England, the school calls around here, not the Council LEA.

But yes - don't call the first school and cancel your place until you have something in writing from the school you were wait listed at confirming that you now have a place.

HTH

PastSellByDate - In that case they are breaking the law. Offers must come from the LA, NOT the school.