(Hug)
Feeling that you aren't finished spending time with your little girl just might be a reflection of the fact that on some level you recognise that she isn't finished spending time with you.
Imagine what people would be telling you if you were posting something similar a few years ago. What if you'd said, "I really don't feel like leaving my baby so I can return to work full-time. I know she'll be fine and have lots of fun at her day nursery and will learn to be independent. But I wish I didn't have to be parted from her. It makes me sad" I expect that people would ask you whether you REALLY needed to return to FT work just yet and whether there was any way you could stay with her longer. Of course, they would also reassure you that if it really is necessary for you to go back to work then your baby would be OK at nursery and that you would get used to it yourself eventually.
Many people say that children's basic needs tend to come into conflict with parents' needs. They'll tell you that at this age particularly it may make you sad to send your child to school but that you need to do it for her good. But I don't think it is so straightforward. I think that parents' natural inclinations often show a deep understanding of what their children really do need.
Nature gave us this bond for a reason. Perhaps if you are dreading your little girl going to school it is not because you are a pathetic mum with nothing else to do with her time. Perhaps it is because you sense that the time is not right for her.
I know a number of people who sent their children to school later than the usual age. Contrary to popular belief, the longer you wait the easier it gets. You become more and more certain that your child will be fine at school, having seen that she can eat her dinner, put on her shoes, cope with minor setbacks without tears, spend many hours without a hug, and speak up confidently when she has a problem. All those concerns which worry the parents of four year olds disappear as they get older. Parents also gradually become more and more accustomed to spending time away from them as they go on more playdates and clubs, walk to the shop alone, potter farther away in the garden. You feel yourself beginning to separate from your child, but it is natural, not sudden, and so it is not painful.
I would have been very upset to send my daughter to school when she was four, though she was outgoing and confident and very sociable. Somehow it just didn't feel good to me. But when she did start school I was so sure that the time was right for her, I kept forgetting which day she was meant to start. I was completely relaxed about it, because I sensed that she was old enough to handle it. It was a small step in her life and mine, not a huge one.
Why now? Why four? Other people are doing it, but is that reason enough?