School gate advice for newbies!

[MrsJamin]

DS1 going to start school in a fortnight. I watched the new Sky programme Gates last night and it made me a little daunted over the school gate etiquette! All those past "school run dress" threads are now coming back to me and I'm worried I will be the frumpy one in the corner, and I will be the target of the PTA within no time. Any advice?

Many of the Mums at the school where I work (a Prep school) seem to come to school in their sports kit as if they are about to head off to do some exercise (they may well be but we always think that some of them just do it for show!).

Just wear your normal clothes and don't fuss about something that isn't worth fussing about - do you worry about what you wear usually!?!?

And what's wrong with the PTA?

ooh i've already been volunteered asked to join the PTA - should i avoid at all costs then? and what will single me out as frumpy (we had some of those sporty types at nursery drop off too )?

first day wise i was just worrying about letting go of my pfb DS and not blubbing all over the place. now i have to worry about myself too !?!

Don't worry - just be yourself and you will find plenty of people just like you . There will always be the pretentious parents who try to make out they are better than anybody else (we used to call them the playground clitorati)..... You will find your niche in the playground and don't forget you are potentially there for seven years so if you pretend to be something you are not you will be found out.

Regarding the PTA I resisted for 11 years (my time in the playground) but would always support what they did and if they were really short for fêtes and things I would help. If they pounce on you as soon as you start just tell them you want to get a feel for the school first before making up your mind.

Don't worry - be yourself and enjoy the time there as it's over all too soon. I am having to get used to the idea that at 3 o'clock I don't have to leave the house anymore :( (oh god does that mean I will have to do housework!!)

Talk to the dads! They will feel more left out than anyone...

just be yourself, dress how you normally do, but i know how you feel, being an older mum (47) with a 5 year old i thought id be the old fat frumpy one with eveyone thinking i was dropping my granddaughter off, but even though most of the mums are younger than my oldest son, i can still relate to them, they often come to me for advice, a smile and a good morning goes a long way, have fun and if the pta start heading your way RUN lol xx

I work from home one day a week and have been dropping my DD off to nursery, often without brushing my hair.

Will I need to start brushing my hair now?

What's wrong with the PTA? Why are they bad? I was thinking of joining to help fund raise for the school.

Schools vary, people vary, don't watch those silly programmes FGS.

I think of it like work. The other mums like colleagues. There are some that are nice, some are OK for small talk, others I try to avoid. You have to rub along with these people for at least 6 years. Nod and smile.

If people choose to judge you on how you dress/what your hair is like - well, more fool them.

PTAs vary wildly of course too. See who is heading up the PTA and what ethos it has. Some PTAs are wonderful, run by giving, inclusive people.

Others are run by harridans who want all the glory and control.

Such is life.

I'd take the time to get to know about the PTA and who is running it ( and for how long that is likely to be ) before you make a big commitment.

what Taffeta said. Join the PTA and get a feel for it. All these people who automatically assume the worst!

I've been on the PTA since I joined the school. Got corned in the playground on the first day and am really glad. I've got to know the school, the staff and other parents. It is so hard though.

It is a lot of hard work to put on fundraising and community building events, but you do it for the kids and for the school. An involved parent community makes for a much nicer school environment overall.

But after you've worked your butt off, spending most of your time just trying to get people to help on stalls, it is REALLY pissy to have people criticise because there weren't enough events/stalls on, or some of the games were only open for some of the time, or to be told that what we should do is X.

Supporting the PTA by making a cake and coming along and spending money IS appreciated, and it IS fabulous. But even if it is only once a year, PLEASE volunteer to man the cake stall/summer fair stall or just help out.

We are contantly having to cancel things, or scale back. For example our school is on two different sites, and we're constantly being criticised because we only hold, say, a cake sale at one site. But the truth is, we just don't have enough volunteers to run two cake sales at two sites.

I was approached by the PTA in the first week - I said that I didn't want to do a job (secretary etc) but was happy to volunteer as and when I was needed.

This meant that I was occasionally asked to run a stall at an event or something, but I quite enjoyed it and they were a nice group of people so over time I became more involved.

On balance I would say that it is a good way of getting to know parents and staff, but go slowly so you can get the lie of the land and make sure that you aren't being sucked in by the sort of organisational nightmares that we all want to avoid.

Other than that - smile and chat to everyone, be friendly, be positive (I always avoid those parents that are always moaning about something), dress as you usually would (because life's too short to pretend to be someone you're not) and in time make some tentative approaches to other parents - having their child over for tea, quick coffee after drop off etc.

And actually, thinking about it, it's all moot anyway because the single biggest thing that you will be judged on is your child.

It's funny, during the first week at school for both my children, I put make-up on... Now, I feel good if I wear something else rather than jeans or old jogging bottoms.

The thing is, I was never a Queen Bee and never a normal bee. I have always been the equivalent of a female nerd. I simply spot other mums that are a bit alone, and chat to them. I have never tried to chat to the in crowd.

As for the PTA business, I do the same as adeucalione. I always do something at the events, but I don't take on a role. I'm pretty good at face painting so that's my role, I always turn up with my paints and everyone's happy. And I don't have to chat to any adults when I do it, I just have to chat to children, which I like very much!