Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Odd? but do you feel defined by school your child attends?

23 replies

mam29 · 31/07/2012 11:33

May seem odd question but round here outer city suberb we have no catchment and wide choice of schools on the whole most are good, we also have wide range of independant schools within the city.

My dd just finished year 1 and really noticed last 2years people seem to make assumptions, define what sort of person/family you are and met some people whos kids go to the 3schools with the highest sats pass rate and some do look down on other schools or make patronising comments like never mind you dident get into the top school i hear the large community primarys improving!

My eldest goes to a va rc primary-chosen as its small, good facilities. average results so not low guess in middle of the area, had good osted. had lovley feel for school and preschool attached.

but when I say what school she goes to I get the

are you catholic

I hear thats a good school

or some never heard of it.

a few months ago had encounter with mum from antenatal havent seen in years.

her twins attend one of the highest rated schools which is on border of lea , neighbouring schools are dire so loads of people aspire for their kids to go there.many dont get in , know a few and see the dissapointment and people try and convince themselves and others that they happy with the lesser 2nd choice.

she asked in quite a snobby tone ohh your daughter doesnt attend our school where does she go, get impression she thourght it would be one of the 2community primaries and seemed shocked when said roman catholic then proceeded to go on about what a good school her daughter goes to.

on my new build estate , the best performing school here almost impossible to get into although we very close.

our nearest school is large new build community primary-I know hardly anyone who goes there despite it being the nearest.

some say

ohh its too big

it caters for large proportion of special needs-what they mean is behavioural issues and kids from nearby council estate.

the sats are at the low end of schools in area.

so on my estate many drive for miles or go independant.

they say the village schools 20-25min drive much better than the city school.

1 village school near me seems to be mostly full of city kids with pushy upstart parents who tell anyone who listen that their child has best school ever-i must admit the mums from that school i met have been scary pushy and maybe not representative of the whole school.

which leads me to my 3rd choice.

ok i couldent get into my nearest top performing sat/sports school this became apparent at school visit when head told me that i would be very fortunate if my child gained a place at that school and if i dident put it as my 1st choice then we were doomed not to to get in.

I liked the rc primary as eldest already went to preschool there, dident want to jeaopardise that so put it as 1st choice and was less keen on the attitude of the top school. I know many parents who are happy with the place some nice but others quite smug.

my 3rd choice was another largish community primary more urban that leafy suberb that had wide range of people.
from the outside looked awful but round the back had lovley playing feilds. the open day was best i attended. it wasent a new build like most schools these days seem to get knocked down and brand new gleaming shiny but inside had the most amount technology, staff seemed open and freindly and they did languages really had lovley feel. wasent the best sats again but could see beyond that that it was a good school and wouldent be too gutted if got that school although would have been a trek.
At the time in had good ofsted.

fast foward 2years its in special measures.

within the last week i have met 2mums from that school.

Interestingly enough they feel like when they say their childs school they are judged and defined, looks of pity.

the 1st mum said its all because they dident have a head for a while that on the whole schools not changed much since i looked at it 2years ago, the kids are happy, facilities the same, they take wide range groups including special needs which skews the sats.

The 2nd mum said she was deeply dissapointed, still is, constantly worries and all her daughters freinds from preschool go their their nearest best performing primary coe and worries her daughter be at a disadvantage and feels judged when she says the name as most parenst round here seem to know its ofsted and its sats.

of course I tried to be reasuring and say well if the parent does a lot with the child than they can still do well and ofsted no be all and end all even our school got downgraded recently yet its still the same school/

when you in the system you get better feel for whats important.
but prospective parents looking will now discount that school .

There is a few exceptions of parents who make active choice to do community primary in order to lift the school but then they moan its not enough homework, that they feel they need to do more extra curricular activies and tutoring to balance that,

I can normally tell these parents on morning school run when we both crossing each other in weird school triangle opposite ways as their kids have coats with school emblem on. I dont know if they buy from the school or get it made but see very few school emblemed coats. on the estate the kids that attend same school tend to wear non emblemed sweaters, no coat and sometimes summer dressed with tights in winter and trainers instead of shoes

Maybe its just being in a city but mum says small rural town where i grew up lea have messed with schools, shut few down, opened super primary and its become more polarised now than it ever was that when i was small we went to nearest school.

On the whole I feel proud and happy with where we chose.
i still have few niggles but most people have that over any school.
daughters happy.

but guess now word gets out about downgrade ofsted maybe i will get the pity looks and the never mind comments from the mummies at the top school.

Every childs party conversation quickly turns to schools and almost becomes competative.

education really does seem odd and devisive these days.

is it the same elsewhere or just bad here?

The choice is overwhelming
applying is stressful.
I was expecting 2nd at time and wish I had looked at few other schools but wanted something local.

because of daughters many clubs do get to meet lots parents from other schools on my estate alone must be people who go to 10different schools maybe more within 5miles of our postcode.

not to mention the congestion caused by mass commute in opposite directions from where we live.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
kilmuir · 31/07/2012 11:36

Think you are overthinking it all.
Bugger what others think. As long as you and your children are happy thats all that matters

Nuttyprofessor · 31/07/2012 11:45

If your DC is happy and making good progress don't give it another thought.

There are always competitive parents, if it is not about schools it will be cars, holidays clothes, who cares?

lambethlil · 31/07/2012 11:48

What other people think about me is none of my business.
I read the thread title slightly differently and thought you were talking about people who are very invested in where their dcs go to school and do see it as part of who they are. Lots do, it's not healthy!

mam29 · 31/07/2012 11:50

i just felt sad this lady was so stressed, unhappy and ebaressed by school her child attends. I like i say was one of my choices my daughter would have gone there if we dident get into rc-we not roman catholic so was a chance we woouldent have got in.

when i meet other mums i dont know 1st question is which school does your child attend.

OP posts:
mam29 · 31/07/2012 11:54

i just felt sad this lady was so stressed, unhappy and ebaressed by school her child attends. I like i say was one of my choices my daughter would have gone there if we dident get into rc-we not roman catholic so was a chance we woouldent have got in.

when i meet other mums i dont know 1st question is which school does your child attend.

They all follow same curriculum and very similar.

on the whole people positive when i say my choice.

but must be awful when people make assumptions based on schools attended

OP posts:
cloudymeatballs · 31/07/2012 11:55

yep I think they do, we live on a council estate renowned for trouble (not through choice it was purely to get our feet on the property ladder and we agreed 6 yrs max in this area) infact ds's schools ofsted report actually states the school provides education for children from a deprived area therefore every child who enters their gates are seen as just that...lacking in the discipline department, even if you have raised them rather than dragged them up. And unfortunatly other parents from other areas see you as the same - crap parents....if I could pick my house up and place it somewhere else I would do it today.

But like kilmuir said sod it...let your dc be the deciders! :)

conorsrockers · 31/07/2012 12:01

It obviously seems to bother you - it's hard to avoid the judgy competitive parents (of which there are many!!!) - I have found that, over the years, we get treated differently when people 'find out' that our boys go to a well known prep school. It's weird - everyone from kids clubs to consultants! It irritates me as they immediately change their opinion on the sort of family we are.
I agree with you that a child (and their family) should not be judged or pre-determined on the schools they attend, but unfortunately, in our culture, it seems to be that way.

DontEatTheVolesKids · 31/07/2012 12:24

Crikey that's a long OP.
No, does not define me. Although so many MNers obviously have their kids at "Outstanding" SAT factories, I take perverse pride about DC doing well at a full-on avg state school.
I don't take my identity from my car, what I eat for breakfast, the supermarket I usually go to, my shoes or shampoo either. Find it very strange this whole brand identity thing! Apparently it's quite common, and the basis of much modern marketing, but why? Such a bizarre way to see yourself, thru the things you consume.

Choice of career or how you spend your leisure time, I understand taking identity thru those things.

Nuttymarbles · 31/07/2012 12:38

I think it's you that is bothered and the others. Does it realy matter what others think, they are strangers realy and it's just small talk.

mam29 · 31/07/2012 12:38

well in a way im used to being judged as we live affluent area near some of the better schools yet we rent we dont own.

Im still breastfeeding 16month old and use cloth and think some mums at school must think im deranged hippy.

Im sahm-hubby works fulltime-long hours.

we couldent have afforded the nearest 2 prep schools especailly with 3 nursery fees are bad enough,

Thing I like about nursery/preschool is such a mix coming from different areas.

This seems to change when they start schools.

eldest nursery was in middle of council estate next to some shops looked awful from the outside.

only thing i think when see indendent kids is how smart they look lovley uniforms.

my 2nd choice-the well perfoming sats put me off with their snooty attitude. academically they pushy so not sure would have suited my eldest but do walk past schools most days and see how sporty and how mant afterschool clubs they have which our chosen school doesnt which eldest would love.

I feel fortunate we got into rc as we not catholic.

but if I had got 3rd choice the community primary in special measures i dont think i would feel embaressed,

I try not to dwell on admissions until next one starts hoping sibling gets us through . Thankfully dont have to consider that for few years.

Theres a few overcompetative nosy mums in my playground that activly avoid.

I just wanted a nice balance.

OP posts:
Nuttymarbles · 31/07/2012 12:39

That should read I think it is you that is bothered and not the others!

mam29 · 31/07/2012 12:42

Honestly not bothered by it.

im happy with my choice.

just seems like everyone else locally fixated with it.

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 31/07/2012 14:02

Sorry your OP was too long so didn't read it all.

Some parents do seem to be evangelical about schools.
I remember speaking to a mum at a 4th birthday party and she went on and on about the detailed research she'd done to make sure her child was going to exactly the right school (which surprisingly was her catchment school and this in an area where it was hard to get into a non-catchment school).

Also I find that reputations stick to schools. Very many local people look down their nose at DS's school because - about 15 years ago - it was very poor. The improvements over the last 15 years seem to have largely passed them by.

Biscuitsneeded · 31/07/2012 14:04

Nope.

kilmuir · 31/07/2012 14:05

If you wanted to be an evangelical hippee then thats fine.really life is too short to worry too much about how others see you

Ketuk · 31/07/2012 14:11

Try having a child in a special school. I've seen people visibly shrink back when my friend tells where her DD attends. You can't catch disabilities! Sad

Floggingmolly · 31/07/2012 14:20

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, if you're happy with your choices.
On another note, why would any head tell a prospective parent at an open day that their child had no chance of getting in? Either I've misunderstood, or they have massively exceeded their brief there???

Mutteroo · 03/08/2012 01:43

There are some parents who are incredibly snobby & I found one such parent when DD was a nursery who was only considering the best infant schools. She then found a little school which she raved about & I looked that school up & decided to visit it. It was on the edge of a council estate, had a high rate of SEN & the worst SATs results of all the schools we had viewed. It was on the on though & I loved it & so did DH.

Sometimes it's worth listening to the snobby parents but most the time all they release from their mouths is hot air.

madwomanintheattic · 03/08/2012 01:58

My kids are at three very different schools. I don't have multiple personality disorder.

Def over thinking. Anyone who is unhappy with their school should get a grip and sort something out.

NagooingForGold · 03/08/2012 02:07

Not even a teensy bit.

Niceweather · 04/08/2012 19:48

I do think there is something in this. In our small local area, kids are being walked and driven in different directions, to up to 10 different junior schools every day. Big decisions are being made and therefore surely parents are going to be competitive and occupied with whether or not they are getting what they perceive to be the best. In the same way that your car, front garden or shoes says something about you, then surely your choice of school says something too. Parents with good, local, catchment schools (with good reputation) and children who are doing well obviously needn't get involved.

Frikadellen · 04/08/2012 21:10

I think there is something in what your saying OP. Many replies I think got a bit lost in the big op. In the area I am in there is 1 outstanding 2 good 1 further away good and 1 satisfactory. the Satisfactory is the biggest school and people are desperate to not go there when their child starts primary. My friend had an aquiantance cry because her child was allocated the biggest school and not one of the other 4 and another ask her for advice on how to get her into the school ours are in. (a 15 intake) I have had people ask me " how did you manage to get yours in" well when we moved it was the only school in the area with spaces for 3 children. Now 4 years on it is considered a great school to get your child into if you cant get to the outstanding one..

Doesnt define me but I know others get very upset about it.

mam29 · 05/08/2012 12:25

Lol at multiple personality disorder.

The community primary is next to large new build executive housing estate,yet when walk past their kids in different uniforms.

My estate is nearest to community primary yet see parents driving their kids miles , I reckon least 10different schools just on 1 estate.
yet we have least 5primaries neared some oversubscribed or faith.

for us it was

the faith aspect
small/disipline
close to home-can walk
facilities lovley playing field
good ofsted
ok sats

that attracted us to apply to chosen school.

I think if you go to a good school then you take that for granted.

but if your childs in school that,s deprived, special measures then you might feel down as you can see those who live close to that school activly avoiding it as they have that choice can drive, pay private ect.

Of course schools and opinions change.

but some things stick.

we moved here so wasent aware of the history,

but the nearest community primary use to be on nearby site.
was really bad.

it was then moved round corner and rebuilt as shiney new beacon of hope.

Then new build estates built around it. which should in effect make the school a wider mix if they had chosen to send their kids there
dont get me wrong some have but many havent.
it still serves its old catchment and gets lower results than other schools but ofsteds good.

my 3rd choice now in special measures.
well if we had got that school
then I wouldent have been dissapointed.
its grounds were lovley.
was slightly undersubscribed so smaller classes.

I would have tried to see the positives.

I think applying for schools very stressful.

when I was a kid we just went to our nearest school dident seem to matter as much then.

I get the questions as soon as meet new parent at park

which school does yours go to?

I say and get are your rc? no? well how did you get in?

1mum at school-who i dont get on with went bit phycho at school application time asking parents in preschool queue what faith they were and what schools they were applying for.

only recently she told 1mum cant believe your child got in as you live miles away but he has sibling at school and his dads rc why hell not?

I dont have school envy of the 2more academic schools in areas as think the overcompeative playground would do my head in.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread