Advice needed changing from state to private school

[amber67]

My d who goes to a good state school is about to go into yr 3 in sept, however she has been awarded a part scholarship at a very good private school. We thought we would give her this opportunity as class size at primary is 30 and private only 12. At the time she was very keen to go and now she has said she would like to stay at the school she is at now. I am pleased she has been able to tell us, when we asked why she no longer wanted to go she replied she was worried about missing her school friends. We feel that going to the new school there is so much more opportunities for her and in the long run she will benefit. I feel guilty that we maybe forcing her to move and making her unhappy in the long run. However as she is only nearly 7 I wouldnt expect her to see the bigger picture!! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I think the small class sizes are definitely the main benefit of private school. I would consider whether you think she will enjoy being at the new school. It may be very good but is it also good from a pastoral pov? If yes then I would not worry as she will make new friends. It's natural that she will miss what she's used to.

Thank you I appreciate that, she had a 2 day visit there some weeks ago and really enjoyed it, the girls in the class welcomed her and were friendly so whether it is just the fact that we havent finalised everything just yet and it is her last week of term at this school. I think the pastoral is good there the staff are lovely and very focused on the children who all looked happy.

We moved our dd last year, beginning of year 2. Our dd like yours, liked the idea, but didn't want to lose her friends. After spending a day, she too loved it, but was happy to stay where she was.

We didn't say too much about it after the visit, but when the letter came through offering the place, we explained that it was a great opportunity and I suppose we put a very positive spin on it....i.e. extra sport (which she loves), lots of clubs at lunchtime, swimming pool etc. etc. We also said she would still be in touch with her friends and we would go to some 'key' school events at her old school.

After a day or two of not discussing it, dd said she thought she may like to go, so we went with that, and moved a few weeks later. We made a big thing of getting all her friends phone number (in reality there was only probably 3 or 4 that she would keep in contact with) and we gave her an old mobile phone with a Pay as you go, so she could contact them (she never has, but sees them at Brownies etc.,).

The move was great and it wasnt' until a few months in, she did start to mention how she missed her old friends, so we invited a few over to play and that was OK.

Now after a full school year, she loves it and wouldn't go back, but I think it took around 7 months before I felt she was fully settled and part of the furniture.

The differences in the education at our school are astounding and the difference in our dd more so, I am not an advocater of private education, or I wasn't, until I have seen what it has done and how brilliant it can be. I honestly think she has the best education now that she ever could. Our state was outstanding by the way, but not without problems, hence the move.

Year 3 is a good time to move, there will be a lot of other children coming from state schools into private at that stage (that was originally our plan), so she won't be the only new girl. You must be proud of her to get the part scholarship, but I know what it is like, the thought of moving and uprooting her. We didn't sleep for at least a week worrying!!!

I have to say however, that the thinking about it was far worse than the actual doing it and if I had known it would be so easy, I wouldn't have worried so much. Children are really very adaptable, although that probably doesn't help you much at the moment.

Best of luck.

If you go along with her current feelings and keep her in her present school I can virtually guarantee that some years down the line she will say "but why didn't you persuade me to go? I got a scholarship for heaven's sake". You're a parent - what you do can never be right!!
Many schools have a 'buddy' system whereby a child in the same class looks after and plays with the newbie for the first few weeks. Does the new school do this?
We moved to private last year for Y3 and in spite of initial nervousness DS was settled and with friends by the first half term - and the educational advances he has made and his increase in confidence has been amazing

We moved DD at year 5. She was hesitant at first, of course, but after she joined after school clubs, had friends for tea and had completed a week she was as happy as a clam.
But please DO think of the financial implications...it is a VERY long haul, even with scholarships. DD is 18 now and university fees seem refreshingly good value by comparison :(

Thank you all so much for your advice. Its much appreciated. Finally I have sent the acceptance forms and DD is looking forward to going in Sept now. I focused on the positives such as the things she likes to do and extras within the school and now she is quite excited. It really pulls at the heart strings though as you want them to be happy.

It is nice to hear the progress of your children too, it definitely has helped thank you.
xx

I moved my DD (from one state school to another closer to home) in the middle of Y3. She was anxious about losing friends but what seemed to help was when I made some definite comitments to her that she would see the two or three that mattered most - we fixed up some play dates, and I said she could keep up her drama class (which was very near the old school and where she saw several of her old classmates) That seemed to help her a lot. If your DD is moving to private it may be particularly worth keeping up with some of her existing friends as the new ones she makes may be scattered far and wide and it may be nice for her to have some local ones too.

I was going to post exactly the same as this only last week and I'm so relieved to hear that they do settle in quickly.
I've had sleepless nights agonising over this decision and feel much better knowing that others have done it with a positive outcome (eventually!)

Moved my ds from independent to state primary. They soon get over it and my ds is terrible at settling in anywhere. If you can afford private, would bite their arm off, assuming it's a good one of course. Still needs to be a decent teacher. Nonetheless if it is a good one, it improves her odd for getting into perhaps a state grammar in Secondary. Close your eyes and just do it. :)

Thanks again for your replies. I have arranged with some of the mums of my dd to keep in touch and have already arranged some play days through the hols. They seem more upset at the moment bless, dd really very excited now which alleviates the stress!!