I feel panicky. My eight-year-old is talking about killing himself.

[joanofarchitrave]

Nearly put this in mental health but I don't think he's really suicidal - but how can I be sure? He's telling me this with a massive smile on his face and a baby voice. Attention seeking? (I don't mind if he is!)

He doesn't like what three of the girls in his class say to him - nicknames, saying they hate him, teasing him. He has mentioned one of them last week and I have failed to do anything about it yet . I'll ring the school tomorrow, but I'm not quite sure what to ask. Presumably about their anti-bullying policy?

IMO he's actually quite emotionally young for his age, but is very tall and people think he's calm/mature. Is he just overreacting? Am I overreacting? I was and am useless at dealing with teasing myself so it's not surprising he can't. I don't know what to say to him or the teacher.

Can you not go in rather than phone?? Even if he is joking, something has made him feel like that in the first place. Or someone has told him to kill himself.

I would NOT let this lie

He is being bullied. You have to go in and ask for an appointment to discuss this.

Has he actually said it's because of these girls? What else has been going on in his life recently. Any separations, bereavement, new siblings, etc? This may be a cry for help. I would talk to him more and find out what's bothering him. Also, definitely talk to his teacher and let them know what he's said.

I'm so sorry to hear this OP. Your poor little man. I would definitely go in to the school and discuss the matter with them. I don't think you should dismiss this but also try not to over worry either (easy for me to say). I remember my little man saying similar things. I do think it's hard for little boys to express themselves. Lots of cuddles and support so that he knows you're taking him seriously but also a confident and secure mummy to deal with the issue. I hope all goes well with the school.

talk to the teacher and if your still concerned about his mental health get your gp to refers him to CAMHS (children and mental health services)

thank you all

we've just had an awful patch, his dad has been really ill (psychotic and depressed). I've known it was affecting him but thought it was likely to come out in bad behaviour. It's just my worst nightmare that he turns this inwards and eventually becomes ill like his dad - who was bullied as a teenager

but this is why I'm worrying that I am perhaps overreacting a bit

Hello there. This happened to us when dd was 7. I talked to the school (arranged a meeting with the Head) and with the G.P. I gave the G.P. permission to liaise with the school. Our school had a counselling service within the school, so we didn't go the CAHMS route.

The school/counselling was good but to be absolutely honest, I changed dd's school in the end. Whether it was counselling, a great deal of gentle attention at home or changing school, I don't know, but it ceased and dd is a happy bunny these days.

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this. It does sound as though it might be bullying-related, doesn't it? I think with dd some sort of issue with another child might have been at the root of it. It turned out that there was one child in particular who would kick her throughout lessons and excluded her from the (very small) cohort of girls during break-times. I think the general tone of the class was fairly ... turbulent, too, which I don't think helped. And certainly meant that the teacher was not overly concerned with her requests to be moved away from kicky-girl.

I tried to steer a calm sort of approach: making it clear that I was taking what she was telling me seriously, but not panicking. I felt I had to make it clear that she could tell me these thoughts/ideas and I wouldn't dissolve. Does any of that make sense?

To be positive, it really has stopped now. Good luck.

joan, I missed your last post. So sorry you're going through all of this.

I'd advise being really honest with whichever professional/s you choose to take this to. See them one to one, without your dd, if that helps (which it probably will) but do tell them all of the holistic, outside-of-school stuff.

I was going through a stressy time when dd became ... emotional. My take on it was that dd was just a bit shocked at inhabiting two somewhat less than calm environments in her life, and this was how it came out. I think it does, sometimes. I don't think it necessarily means either my dd or your ds are destined for a life of suicidal thoughts.

I think it helped everyone around dd that I was as honest as I could be. And it also had the effect of making me realise that, actually, I was providing an OK environment for dd at home - it helped banish my anxieties on that score, though in a round the houses sort of way.

You poor thing. Honestly, the fact he's talking to you and that you are going to do what you can to get him some calm water - that's all good. It really is.

It is really scary. I had this when my son was six, not long ago
He was being bullied and didn't know how to articulate how bad he was feeling.
He was fairly new to the concept of death and dying and started to say things about wanting to die
This scared me, but I realised that he was just articulating the very worst thing he could think of to let me know how bad he was feeling. He didn't really understand what it meant in real terms, only that it would get my attention sufficiently to get his feelings across
Not sure if this is the case with your child as he is older, regardless you need to get all the support networks in place
In any regard, he is feeling like he needs help and he is asking you for that
Do go to the school, send them an email first. List the problems he is having and the effect it is having on him. Let them know that you want to arrange an urgent meeting with them to discuss what strategies they can put in place to help , make the point that you want solutions
If you are also having family problems would it be worth introducing a counsellor specifically for your child, so they have someone to talk to without feeling that they are adding to your own problems?

I would go and see the head tomorrow, poor little thing, not a nice position to be in. Those children need to be stopped. Let us know how it goes. But defo go in. Maybe he is trying to get your attention? Either way take action!

My DD said something similar when she was 6. She had really low self esteem because of dyslexia. I thought she really meant it and did something to help it. I would go to the school and tackle these bullying brats now!

It is possible that he has picked up on something that was going on at home and expresses his anguish in rather extreme terms, but I don't think you should see it as indicative that his Dad's mental illness is hereditary.

It is so helpful to read these responses. Thank you all for your time.

So sorry you are having such a hard time. It's sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate.
Try and get some other support in place. You can't do this on your own and school is a good place to start if that is where the problems originate

PLEASE do not ignore. An old school friend of mines, nine year old, did actually commit suicide. Hanged himself in the bathroom. To this day, no one knows if it was an accident, as in him larking around and slipped off the toilet (was wearing his socks), or if it was on purpose. I argued that he wouldn't be emotionally equipped to do such a thing intentionally. Many however disagree. It's probably nothing, Just please don't ignore.

Please ask for help, my son had a similar problem at the same age, we had Pchams counselling and moved which also helped (due to work). I now have a son who is a wonderful positive teenager who will still talk to me, loves life and the friends he has. He is aware still that he went through a really bad patch and I still feel bad for not doing something sooner even though we have had a really good outcome he is still playing catch-up academically.

I also used some great books as advised by the counsellor "what to do guides for kids" which we worked though together, there are a whole series of them and easily available on line.

Thanks everyone. DH and I went in this morning and talked to his teacher, and she was lovely - she said she would talk to the girls involved and to ds as well, and I know she's done that already - she also said she would talk to next year's teacher and ring us once she's done that, probably tomorrow. Ds seems very chilled out this evening, had a nice play with his best mates after school and then pasta, hot bath, bedtime story... I am definitely going to check out some of those books leftthehighlands, thank you. DH is reluctant to involve CAMHS as he feel the mental health services have on balanced not helped him, so I think that's a really good starting point.