Anyone else a bit disappointed by their child's report?

[daphnebubbles]

My son's report in year 4 was very average - okay for maths, although he was always quite good at maths (his teacher said he was just average in year 4 but teacher in year 3 said he was very good) and just about okay for literacy. So, we got him a tutor, insisted that he read every night, spent ages doing his homework really thoroughly with him etc. etc. Basically, we turned up the pressure! We got his report for year 5 on Friday and it's fairly average again. His best mark was a 4B for reading so at least we seem to have made a difference there but I'm a bit downhearted really. I am undoubtedly a grumpy old cow and rationally I know he's popular, got a great report about his love of learning and 'fun, boisterous and lively' personality (actually, maybe that explains it all!) but I just feel a bit disappointed that we don't seem to have made much of a difference despite our best efforts...

OK, my DD is only in YrR so I'm not too sure about levels. But, I have seen this link posted a couple of times. From that table it looks like your DS is working beyond expectations for reading and probably at the top of expected levels for everything else.

Maybe you could speak to his teacher and find out what he needs to consolidate and work on during the holidays, but it sounds like he is a really happy boy and thriving at school.

Thanks Bunnyjo. I haven't seen this chart before.
I know I shouldn't be down because he's at the expected level but I am a bit!
I've spoken to his teacher and we did take her comments into account this year but maybe I'll catch her again before the holidays...

I'm a bit sad for your ds, reading this.
You've said I know he's popular, got a great report about his love of learning and 'fun, boisterous and lively' personality, and yet you feel disappointed ? Really ?

So he behaves in school
He has friends in school
He is doing what is expected of him in school (in terms of achievement for age)
He is demonstrating a love of learning which will stand him in very good stead in the coming years,

and you are disappointed ?

My amazement at what people say on MN has reached a new level.

Yes, BackforGood, you are right! I am being completely irrational. As I said, I know I'm being a silly cow but just needed to share it, I suppose.

I think you're being too harsh on your son, he is doing well you should be very proud and pleased with him. What exactly are you expecting from him?

daphnebubbles, in addition to the achievement levels have you made enquiries with school regarding his effort? My dd school report came home with both the level achieved and ratings for the effort the child was putting in throughout the school year.

I'm no exception in wanting my DD to have exceeded at everything (thats never going to happen!) but if a child is rated "as expected" and has been recognised as putting in 100% effort...then that would suggest they might not ever achieve the "exceeded" ratings. But that isn't a bad thing - celebrate the achievement your child has made and that they are trying as hard as they can.
A happy, friendly, well behaved, well rounded child who is working at the level expected for their age is something to be proud of :)

You don't know how he would have done without your best efforts, so you can't say you haven't made a difference!... I would feel happy that despite piling on the pressure, he's still fun, boisterous and lively and isn't falling behind - he shows signs of great resilience!

What exactly are you disappointed about?

Well, he is doing fine but we have been told he could be doing a lot better, which is why we've really tried to encourage him with his work and effort this year. I think it may have helped his behaviour (he has always struggled to concentrate) and his attitude but not so much his levels.
It's a big thing at the school as everyone talks about how their kids are doing and I always stay out of it so I think I just needed to have an anonymous little whinge on mumsnet really. And get back to staying out of it.

But a 4b in year 5 is excellent!

Thanks seeker. I had never seen the chart thingy that Bunnyjo very helpfully referred me to earlier so it does look okay. I don't really know what I was disappointed about - honestly, I feel a bit ashamed of myself as contrary to what I've written, we're not pushy parents at all, just a bit confused about getting the balance right for him I suppose.

Who told you he can be doing a lot better? I think if a child is trying their best and already achieving good results (above average) then their statement is not one you should take seriously.

His teacher. He's had the same one for both years 4 and 5.

My son is in year 4 and is a 3c in everything but reading where he is a 3b. According to his report that makes him below average.
I think he has worked hard and has behaved well and
he got all excellent in his attitudes to learning section so I'm pleased.

What did he get for maths? And what were you expecting him to get?

My DNephew got his final report from primary school last week. He is way below the average for his age in all subjects. He's really really struggled and my DSis got a tutor for him to assist his transition to Secondary school. The Secondary school also held classes on a Wednesday, in the evening for a small number of children that wanted to go, again to aid the transition.

The one thing my sister said was that on his report, he got all 'A's for effort. And she can't ask anymore than that can she? If he's doing his best, there's nothing more he can do.

I'm sure your DS is doing his best. Some DC are very academic and some DCs are arty. They're all different.

Just support your DS and never ever show that you're disappointed in him. My Dparents did that to me and I've never had any confidence or self-esteem. I always want my DD to know that she's clever, beautiful and very much loved. She's only just 3 so we've got all these joys to come...

He got a 4C, which is absolutely fine, I know. I suppose I was hoping he'd get a 4B as that has always been his best subject.
He's really got into reading this year so we're really pleased with the 4B for reading but his writing is 3a. Again, not bad but not really reflecting the level he's reading at, although I know reading and writing are two different things!
He did struggle with this teacher a bit at the beginning of last year but this year he's been behaving better and concentrating a bit more so, as I said earlier, progress has definitely been made!

So you're disappointed because the teacher thinks he isn't making enough effort? Is she aware of how much work he has done outside of school? What does the tutor think of his ability and concentration levels? Does he/she agree with the teacher? Do you think he is doing his best, but finds it hard to concentrate, or do you think he is deliberately not concentrating and knuckling down in class? How much is it possible to concentrate if you find what you are doing boring and uninspired? Can he concentrate on things which are of interest to him?

Katnisscupcake. I agree! I have told him he's done really well and all his hard work has been worth it. I hope your nephew gets on well with his extra classes and tutor - in my limited experience, one-to-one can really help a lot of children with both learning but also confidence.
33kns I don't want to be negative about his teacher - she works incredibly hard but seems to find him difficult to deal with. She did say that he has come on a lot in his maths this year so has acknowledged his efforts a bit.

rabbitstew Your questions are all right and all questions I've asked myself! He did really well in year 3 with a very strict but very encouraging teacher. She basically wouldn't let him off the hook (in a positive way) and got a lot out of him.
This teacher has a very different style and I'm not sure it's right for him BUT there are 30 children in his class and he has to behave, work and achieve under a bit of his own steam by year 5.
His tutor was a bit surprised by his report and thought it was on the harsh side but one-to-one is very different to how he performs in class I suspect.
So basically, I don't know!
He's got a different teacher next year, with a very different style of teaching so maybe he'll come into his own a bit with her.

I am going to go and get some lunch and stop drivelling on now...
Thanks to everyone - you've cheered me up and shut me up!