a question to all primary school teachers - what comments do you keep about parents on file

[mamapetal]

I have come home from work and this is what DS(10) has reported - there was a sheet of paper in class today with comments about children in his class. He found his name on the list and this is what it said 'very bright boy, but parents very strange - do things differently'. I am gutted by the comment , it feels like a derogatory remark and I could see from DS face that he was upset by it.

I would think that comments on parents being passed on would on the whole be helpful for the teachers, but they should never get left around for even another teacher to see.

I can think of times when a comment on a parent would help situations that could negatively effect another child.
In particular "A's dm will come in about 3-4 times a year accusing another child of bullying. The stories are generally stretching the imagination, and she will come in several times over a half term with increasingly fantastic stories. No bullying of her has never been seen."

"R's dm will come and complain if her dd does not get every acolade in the class. You can choose whether to give her the star of the week on the first week and put of the complaints that she needs it again shortly after the first half term, or start the complaintes the first week."

"T will be 10-15 minutes late every day. Move them down to the bottom of the register and maybe you won't have to use tippex every day."

"L does not have a TV. Don't laugh and say everyone has one..."

Sounds harsh in some ways but, for example A has done this since year R. It would save her first victim from being punished and potentially ostrecised for bullying. It would be better if they could manage to convince A's dm that it is perfect fabrication though, but 7 teachers telling her bluntly hasn't worked yet...

Obviously we have the transition talk when the children go up to the next year group. It's to get a whole picture of the child and that means their family too - but ONLY if it's relevant to what goes on in school with a child. We don't write anything down and certainly don't keep anything. The exception is police reports when they have been called to the house for whatever reason and they're kept in a child's file.

Dewe I find that attitude to bullying dreadful tbf. Bullying often will go unseen,kids are told not to tell tales so a bullied child often has nobody to tell in school thus giving mum no option but to go in and bullies tend to lie ime.

Re accolades all fine and dandy if they are handled with consistency and not simply handed out several times over to the SEN,naughty,teacher's pet,pushy kids several times over and never to the quiet, middle of the road kid who would never dream of asking for anything.

Have complained about the above several times this year and starting to see why I'm ignored every time,clearly there is all manner of shit written about me on my dc's file.Think I'll request a viewing(after a strong gin).

And the fact you have the right to see anything formally written in your child's file, Rockpool, means it would be insane for any school to have gossip or anything not 100% professional written down.
Informal notes do not come under that heading. They are not on file.
You may be a wonderful parent who is involved in your child's school life for their benefit, but there are a lot of parents out there who struggle to adjust to the fact that their child is one of 30+ children whose needs are equally important to the teacher.
I find the best response to being challenged as a teacher by a parent is to have written proof and evidence as to what has actually occurred. Likewise when I am a parent challenging a teacher.

So what do you do when your child hates school because you have no evidence re bullying and the bully has continual "accidents",is a charmer and sly?

DD hasn't had Star of the Week at all this year,others have had it several times,she's had hardly any stickers (whilst the naughty kids have so many they can't fit them on the chart) and she's no chance of gaining the gold certificate she so desperately wants and deserves.

Have been told others ask for them(wtf) and she should be glad they decided she's silver standard(they chucked out a shed load of silver certificates at the last minute in an assembly even though dd had nowhere near enough stickers on her chart thus making the whole process meaningless).Dd came out of the assembly sobbing as they'd lost hers after promising she'd have it.

Dd's confidence has plummeted this year and she hates school-I've been in a lot.I'm too scared to look at her file.Kind of pissed off that challenging crapness means nasty things get written about you and blight your dc's file.

As a parent?
I kept a running log of incidents, pointing out where the triggers were and what was actually happening. I expected the teachers to tell me what they were putting in place to support my child.
If I was wondering about Star of the Week I would expect the teacher to tell me when she'd been given it if I thought she hadn't or make a point of expecting it to happen within a reasonable time frame.

'Dd came out of the assembly sobbing as they'd lost hers after promising she'd have it.'
I'd expect a replacement to be presented at the next assembly. I'd make that point to the teacher.

I was often a teacher's worst nightmare; 25 years of experience, built in jargon and bullshit decoder, a child with SN and a copy of the SENCOP under the bed.

But yes, teachers do make comments to hand on to the next teacher based on opinions, they should never be left for anyone else to read and they don't go on file.

Rather like parents talking with others about the teachers their child will get in the next year...

'She's so strict and shouty and has favourites and wears Per Una and dislikes all children with freckles. Only girls ever get stickers'
That sort of thing.

Thats a bit more reassuring.

I have a built in bullshit decoder too-ex teacher here too.

Was wondering if things had changed as I've never, ever put anything nasty re parents on a child's file.

Perhaps we ought to have a virtual group,file read so we can hold each other's hand whilst reading.

I had a parent lose the plot and scream and hiss at me. She was literally frothing at the mouth and her eyes were bulging as she stood over me and just screamed and screamed because I had asked her DC if she had sworn, and her DD would NEVER EVER swear, apparently. Sigh.

I wrote those notes up, seeing as the deputy had to escort her off the premises, and yes they are in the permanent file. There's no way I'd meet her on her own again (in the 5 days I have left with that class) but I will be passing on information about that incident to next year's teacher.

Some parents are pushy, yet some are unhinged. There's no reason I should be screamed at in my place of work, and so it will now follow that child in her file.

Juniper - If you feel threatened by an incident than that should be noted on file - we do that as a matter of practice in my job. No other teacher should go through what you went through.

I have never gone into school and behaved in an abusing/threatening manner. I have gone into school and complained about bullying when DS kept coming home with bruises an scratches and started hiding them from me. This was two years ago!!

We have details like that on record as evidence for why a parent may not be permitted on the premises, or only if escorted by a member of the SLT.