what do you do with your DS / DD after school?

[badgeroo]

I have a child entering reception class in September - I'm a soon to be first time mother of a schoolchild! She has a younger sibling who will be at nursery, and I'm in the process of talking to work about flexible working / part time work in the hope that I can be there to collect both from school & nursery at the end of the school day at least some of the week.

It sounds great in principle; more time with both of them, more chance to be around the school and meet parents, talk about the day, have fun together etc. But I'm now wondering what we will actually DO between 3.15 and 6.30 when DH gets home. Food comes into it somewhere, but autumn weather, dark nights, and the inevitable tiredness of a new school starter will probably impose some limits on activities.

So, lovely mummies and daddies, what do you do with your LOs after school? Maybe I'm just being unduly negative about the possibility of taking a pay cut so that I can watch the kids squabble and / or slump in a chair for a few hours while I make dinner and try to maintain peace and goodwill. But it does seem that I'll be getting the tail end of the day when both (and maybe me too) are potentially tired and narky. How can I help a 4 year old and 1.5 year old enjoy some time with each other and their mummy in the late afternoon?

This is what we do:

• walk home (sometimes via the park)
• give DC a drink and a snack (always ravenous)
• empty book bag and lunch box, discuss "interesting" art work and why food was not eaten
• plonk DC in front of TV/computer game
• when DC has wound down, insist TV/game is turned off
• DC either play or come and help with tea or sometimes we'll do an activity like craft or baking
• eat tea
• do homework (hopefully not much in Reception)
• tidy up toys etc
• bath/wash/stories (including them reading to me)/bed

Some days we do after school clubs so the "free" play time is reduced or non-existent.

Some days we'll have a friend over.

I've found from bitter experience that it's too exhausting to have lots planned.

I find the best times to actually chat are straight after the DC come out of school (when they are bursting to tell you something), over tea (when we all compare notes about our days) and at bedtime (when you tend to hear about anything they are worried/excited about)

We go home and DS give me a thrilling and detailed break down of his day:

Me: so what did you do at school today?
Him: Dunno.
Me: Well you went swimming didn't you?
Him: yeah, think so.
Me: Well your towel is wet so you must have done
Him: dunno
Me: what did you have for lunch?
Him: dunno, can't remember
Me: it says there was pizza today. did you have that?
Him: dunno, can't remember.

.....etc etc etc

Walk in the woods
Play area
Drink and a snack
Bit of TV
A bath
Read a book
Do homework
Play in the garden
A nap
Cuddle on the sofa

When they first start, they're too tired to do much of anything.

I don't think parents always realise just how much small children have going on in a day. Yes, they do a lot of learning through play, but there's also lots of remembering new rules and what exactly does 'sitting nicely' look like?

It's all very tiring!

Thanks - that's really useful to know. It all sounds suitably gentle and unstructured, and actually the reason I want to be there at the end of the day is so that I can 'be there' at the end of the day for cuddles, chat, play, and perhaps a scenic route home via the park. Nancy, I have those conversations already. A child who claims to have done nothing and played with nobody all day but then takes 20 minutes under the duvet at bedtime to tell me what actually went on!

i started out working 3 long days as part time when DS1 started school, gradually morphing to school hours except one day which is a late finish. DS1 in particular has always wanted me to be there for pick up etc. Although it may feel like they and you are tired I personally think it is incredibly worthwhile to work this way if you can.

i agree with others, keep it low key, just getting home and having tea is quite enough, perhaps with the occasional playdate to help socialising.

Dd1 we kept it low key, dd2 has just had to hit the ground running, either that or cancel activities for dd1. They have brownies/rainbows one night (put their name down now if you want a space - Rainbows for girls can start term after turn 5, beavers, boys is 6); swimming another night and dance on a friday. She has been absolutely fine, but I think being the second she was used to that routine with dd1. On other days we relax, have a friend over, do some homework etc. Also having been apart all day they actually quite like to all play together while I cook, it is not quite long enough to squable unless they are really tierd.

My girls are quite good at telling me what they did, but if they 'can't remember' then I play the 'my day was more exciting than yours' card:

Me: so what did you get up to in school today?
Dd 1+2: can't remember
Me: oh sounds like Ds and I had the most exciting day then because we went shopping and they had dishwasher tablets half price, and it was that come outside episode where Aunty Mable gets stuck in the cupboard and there is a fire etc (I never actually get that far though because...)
dd1: well my day was much more fun than that because we went to the ICT suite and I was able to play on dance mat, plus Mrs X said my story was really good...
dd2: well my day was even more fun because I made a super octonauts land for Noah because he really likes octonauts (that's why Noah's mum gave us a dirty look as she struggled home with three huge cereal packets losely attached with masking tape and not quite dry paint on her pushchair); and then Emily and I built a fairy house in the playground, and the fairies really are going to come tonight
dd1: so why did I see you crying at lunchtime
dd2: oh that was because Joshua kicked over our first house, but we told the teacher and she helped us rebuild it

Works everytime, but getting favourite dishwasher tablets half price is still more exciting (sad)!

Our school lets you play in the playground after school, and that lasts well into October. We usually stay till around 4.15. I have 2 3yo's as well. Then it's some TV. Then some play and maybe a reading book/ homework that should have been done at the weekend for ds1 (just finished Y1) - maybe 15 mins. Lots more playing (the same sort of playing as at the weekend, pottering about making a mess!), some computer/ youtube usually, one of kids helping me cook. Then food (6pm), baths/ washes and bed/ stories. Ds1 gets to stay up a bit later reading on own. 5-6pm is probably my least favourite time of day - moany, tired, hungry kids and low energy me, but I am really glad we have time together everyday. It may not be super, fantastic quality time, but I'm there!