Anyone elses children just seem to find social skills hard!

[littlemiss06]

My little girl is 6 and just finished year one, shes lower ability having finished on 1C across the board and just got 14/40 in her phonics test.

This aside her social skills are appaulling, her school report had the option of excellent, very good, good, needs improvement and poor, her interaction with children came out in the 3rd box at good, however through her report it talks about how they need to remind her to think of other childrens feelings.

She plays with children on the front, its safe I watch her but other children just dont seem to get on much with her, they argue with her and I always wonder why her, but today ive watched her with her friend who has been round to play and shes so selfish, she doesnt like sharing, bosses them about, shouts at them, if they suggest a game she refuses its all on her terms or nothing.

Im really upset with her tonight, I watched her at her school disco and she said hello to a little girl who she likes and the little girl just give her a dirty look, she plays alone a lot of the time or plays rough games with the boys such as football or fighting she doesnt play nice games.

Shes not an only child, I have 4 but I have never experienced this sort of poor skills at this age and I havent a clue how to improve her behaviour, she is under camhs and we are waiting for assessments to start but how can i help improve her social skills?

Sorry, I don't get why you are upset with her because your DD said hello to someone who gave her a "dirty look". Surely you are upset for her?

Sounds in part like my DS. He played alone a lot and didn't seem to fit in. He was on the opposite end of things as he was the one who was bossed around and he was a little too biddable.

He's now end of Y4 and whilst he is not (and probably will never be) the first one up on the dance floor, he is kind and thoughtful. He has, over time, developed a small group of friends who are mutually supportive and they "get" each other.

For some DC making and keeping friends is easy. For others it is a bit more of a struggle. Loads of children need reminding to think of others.

She is still a little girl... give her a cuddle, let her know when she's acted in a way that is unkind. Perhaps role play some common social situations with her dolls or teddies.

Also see what the school are planning to do in Y2 to help her meet her targets.

Oh (and I know it's difficult) stop comparing her to your other children. If you do, and you find her wanting, her confidence will be dented.

I know how this feels.

Good luck!

Had similar issues with dd over the years. There are a series of books called Help me be good by and American author called Joy Berry. They are excellent.

It is hard not to compare your child to others, I have been guilty of it on many occasions. If she's anything like my dd you may find that she will grow up to have her own mind and not follow the crowd as many do. I am proud of mine for being like that now although it did upset me for quite awhile that she didn't gel too well with others.

Whoever said parenting was easy needs shooting!

Sorry RaisinBoys I put that wrong, I meant im upset with her for being so mean to her friend tonight not for saying hello to someone, that was my thoughts and typing not coming out right, shes been really nasty and awful to her and it upset me to see how she was with her.

I havent ever compared her to my other children to her face its my thoughts in my head about how ive never had this problem before and im not sure how to deal with her attitude towards people.

I just dont want her to be that kid whos bullied or doesnt have friends because she doesnt know how to play or socialise, I was purely creating this post to ask for advise on how to help her build her social skills.

She is very much loved and shown love but I just dont know how to help the social side, we always have children here or she plays with them but she just finds it so hard to know how to behave and no amount of telling her is working.

Manicstreepreacher thank you ill have a look at those books :)

Try showing her, rather than telling her. Role play, but also at home, eg when playing a game, behave as if you were her.

I knew a nursery teacher who swore that seeing their parent behave like a 3 year old was the best way of sorting them out. Can't see why it wouldn't work with a 6 yr old.

Good idea ohmygosh ill try that with her :)

I love her to bits just want to help her.

As part of a strategy to help your dd you could try specific social story board games and books www.specialdirect.com/shops/sd/Range/Search?search=Social

Well done, Mum, for being alert to the issue. I'm sorry that I haven't the vaguest clue how to help. But I do wonder whether watching Punch and Judy wouldn't help. Punch always does bad things to Judy and lots of children of all ages know this. Some can explain why Punch is bad. People do need time to explain feelings at any age. It's not easy.

DS is in reception and found social skills very hard at the start. Not sure why but he made no friends for the first two terms and was teased a lot by others. I picked up on it quickly and had many discussions with his teacher. We made a plan where he spent 15-30 mins each day with a small group of children (different ones each time) and the teacher and TAs helped them all do an activity together making sure he knew when he was being inappropriate (he tended to jump in and be a bit OTT which put some kids off). They also did a special book for him on making friends and how to act with other children. It has made a massive difference and this term he has made a small group of good friends and his confidence has soared. He has always been a bit immature for his age which didn't help but the proactive stance of the teachers made a big difference. Can you talk to her teacher and get some help?

Thank you all for the great advise, I know shes still only young but shes 7 next and in the last year of infants so she does need to start becoming more aware of peoples feelings and needs, it ok saying shes still little but even so in my opinion I do feel shes old enough now to know how to share and be kind to her friends, im not saying all the time, im well aware kids fall out and argue but this is more than that, its constant with my daughter and i am concerned that left much longer its going to be harder to fix.

Thank you :) im going to have a look through all these books, she does find it hard but I am willing to do all I can to help her, the headteacher has previously said to me that should she require any help with social skills in school they will give it her so might be worth chatting to them after the holidays as theyve broke up now for summer

Also my DC's school offers a social skills group to children who would benefit from learning to interact socially with their peers (supervised by staff). Maybe your dd's school has a similar programme?

Good luck! Your dd is lucky to have such a caring mum.