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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

We got the teacher everyone dreads for Y3! Advice please.

53 replies

bowerbird · 10/07/2012 20:02

This is NOT a teacher bashing thread. At all. I feel we've been extraordinarily lucky for three years in my DD's teachers who have all been different, but have all been wonderful and committed professionals. But please let's acknowledge that terrible ones exist.

Everyone in our Y2 class is freaking out! Checking around from people who have kids in upper years, I've had nothing but looks of pity and sympathy. The best I've heard is "uh, she's very very strict". The worst I've heard is "a bad teacher and she hates children". I hope that it's not as bad as that, but if it is....

Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with a bad teacher? How to get through the year (IMO Y3 is a critical year, too)? How to worry less over the summer?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FallenCaryatid · 10/07/2012 20:46

You haven't come across the stuffed toy collection approach to learning? Unicorn=imagination?

BrigitBigKnickers · 10/07/2012 20:53

DD2 went into the class of teacher much feared and maligned by some parents I spoke to.

Yes, she was strict but actually ended up being the very best teacher she ever had. She saw the potential in DD I always knew was there and really brought it out of her.

Parents who had a problem with her turned out to be the ones with very badly behaved children who they viewed through rose tinted glasses.

She had no time for the parents who were in the "how dare you tell off my little darling" camp. She took no prisoners- fantastic teacher!

Original poster

bowerbird · 10/07/2012 21:18

Hmmmm I think I need to clarify here. I'd be happy if the teacher was strict. I am strict. But as I said earlier, "strict" is sometimes used (and in this context was definitely used) as a euphemism for other far more negative stuff.

As for "gossiping", get real please. Parents talk. About teachers and the administrative staff. Not about anyone's personal lives (which I would consider gossip and really not on) but about issues that affect their school and their children. They share information and personal experience. This is normal. I have to say that all the "gossip" in the playground is largely positive at my daughter's school, sharing anecdotes about how fantastic some people have been, how thoughtful and how hard working etc. Please don't make it sound like something it isn't.

OP posts:

FallenCaryatid · 10/07/2012 21:23

Get real?
I've been a teacher a hell of a lot longer than you've been a parent, and gossip is always around. About staff and other parents and the children. Teachers gossip about parents too, positive and negative.
How do you cope with a strict teacher you don't know yet?
Try not to piss them off.

Original poster

bowerbird · 10/07/2012 21:26

WTF have I done to piss you off Fallen? Why so aggressive?

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FellatioNelson · 10/07/2012 21:28

My son had one of 'those' once, when he was in year 1. We'd heard she didn't have her own children (she was around 45) didn't really like children and particularly doesn't like boys, that she was strict and shouty and not very patient.

She was lovely. My son loved her and she loved him. She was an excellent teacher and just the right balance of strict and gentle.

Don't listen to other people, and don't put idea into your child's head. Just wait and see. If she is that awful your child will soon tell you.

mummytime · 10/07/2012 21:31

Okay my kids both had a teacher with a reputation in year 2, it was only when I talked to less vocal parents that I heard good things about her. She was one of their best teachers ever, we were disappointed that she retired before having my third child.
On the other hand two of my kids have had another teacher, who has developed a reputation, it was bad for DC1, but fine for DC2 and I knew it would be. I have requested DC3 doesn't have her, as that would be a disaster too.

Original poster

bowerbird · 10/07/2012 21:33

Fellatio, thanks. Agree it's very important to NOT transmit these doubts to DD. I hope our experience ends up like yours.

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FallenCaryatid · 10/07/2012 21:38

I suggested to you that you make your own mind up and not listen to gossip, especially non-specific mutterings. You told me to get real, which is the response of an ill-mannered teenager.

So yes, she is the teacher from hell, will be Miss Trunchbull Incarnate and your child will come home weeping every night having been thrown across the playground by her adorable blond pigtails.
Oh, and she will teach your child nothing all year. Listen to the playground mafia, they know what they are talking about.

FallenCaryatid · 10/07/2012 21:39

Off to sprinkle arsenic on the end of term treats for my class now.

exoticfruits · 10/07/2012 21:51

I would wait and see. DH2 got the strict teacher who apparently 'dreadful'with children and near retirement. She was strict, but he had his best year ever and got on wonderfully well with her.

exoticfruits · 10/07/2012 21:51

Sorry DS2!

exoticfruits · 10/07/2012 21:52

It was year 3 too.

Original poster

bowerbird · 10/07/2012 22:16

Fallen, I didn't tell YOU to get real - my post wasn't directed at you specifically. Several posters mentioned gossiping, which I wanted to dispute. I don't think that parents discussing things at school is necessarily gossip (though it can be). Playground Mafia? One of the people I spoke to was another teacher, one a parent governor, one a volunteer at the school. Where do you get this idea that parents are all muttering nonsense?

Exotic thanks.

I'm offline and into a book for the rest of the evening. Thanks to everyone who has responded encouragingly.

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exoticfruits · 10/07/2012 22:22

It maybe depends on the DC-DS felt very safe to know the rules and exactly where he stood, she was consistent and fair.

exoticfruits · 10/07/2012 22:23

He was also the DS who didn't like change and was in floods of tears on the first morning of yr 3-so it was a relief when it all worked well.

difficultpickle · 10/07/2012 22:30

We are at the end of year 3. We had the teacher that no one wanted. We have had an utterly soul destroying year and are leaving the school. Ds is going to take up a scholarship elsewhere but if he wasn't doing that we would be leaving anyway.

Tomorrow we will be taking in presents for the staff. Ds has been very specific about whom he wants to give presents to - the teacher who hears his class read (not his class teacher), the school nurse who has helped him with his asthma attacks, the school office staff who have been kind and nice to him, the kitchen staff whom he chats to and I have had to get a bouquet of pink and white roses for the cook!

In all of that there is no present for his class teacher. Ds doesn't want to give her a present and I'm happy he doesn't. In the year she has had him he has gone from being an academically able child who loves school to someone who sits and cries in the evenings if he struggles to complete his homework (he cries with fear that he will be punished if he doesn't understand).

She is strict (which is good) but, as some of the other parents have commented, she doesn't actually appear to like children. She is the only teacher in the playground who engages with neither parents nor children. When ds was awarded his scholarship she didn't even congratulate him (it is to do something that isn't available at his current school). Fortunately she is in a minority of one as far as that is concerned.

Not all people are in jobs they are suitable for or like but it is hard when that person is your dc's teacher.

exoticfruits · 10/07/2012 22:34

You can,of course, have an experience like bisjo-all I was saying is wait and see.

difficultpickle · 10/07/2012 22:46

We didn't judge at the outset as there were apparent issues with the other year 3 teacher too, so we didn't have a particular preference. We also kept our views about the teacher to ourselves and on reflection I wish we hadn't.

When we spoke to the head we were made to feel we were in a minority in having issues with this teacher. We subsequently found out that was completely untrue. That knowledge made me realise that if we had any issues with teachers in other future years there would be no support from the head at all (he offered lots of words and suggestions but implemented absolutely nothing). However by the time we discovered that we weren't the only ones we had already made the decision to leave and were completely candid with ds's new school regarding the issues he has had during the course of the year.

Original poster

bowerbird · 11/07/2012 07:05

Bisjo, that sounds appalling, I'm so sorry you've had a terrible year - you must be so glad it's almost over.

Looking back, knowing what you do now, is there anything you would have done differently?

Congratulations on DS scholarship!

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ChopstheDuck · 11/07/2012 07:13

You haven't really mentioned anything concrete about the teacher other that what sounds like hearsay really.

The dts school has one that is very strict. I heard awful things about her from one parent, specific details. She taught ds1, and was absolutely brilliant with him, one of the best teachers he has had. DT2 is a bit of a handful, and I was hoping he would get her for Y2, he did, and she has actually really struggled with him! I think a lot does depend on the child as well as the teacher as to how well the whole relationship works.

Next year dt2 has the teacher who was absolutely shite with ds1 (claimed ds1's disabilities were something I must have been doing and refused to support him at all, prediagnosis) and I am very apprehensive about him teacher dt2. But dt2 is a totally different child, and it may all be fine!

cory · 11/07/2012 08:11

The Strict Teacher Nobody Wanted turned out to be the best teacher I ever had. Not disputing that she may have been wrong for somebody else's child, but for some reason she was just right for me.

Otoh the Teacher Everbody Adores was a disaster for my friend's little boy, though nobody could have anticipated it: he was a lovely well brought up boy, but they simply didn't click.

These things are unpredictable so it's pointless trying to predict them in advance.

Havering · 11/07/2012 08:24

Unfortunately we had an experience a bit like Bisjo and I have never been so grateful to end a school year.
DS will be staying at the same school and the Head was sympathetic to our concerns. But I suspect this was because we only took fact based specifics up with him and although I flagged the emotional fall out we were seeing in DS I didn't make that my focus. If - and as you can see with all the other posts it's a big if - there are problems, do keep a record as unemotional as possible. If there continues to be a problem raise it with the teacher but don't be shy about going to the head.

Im embarrassed to say i did slightly lose it on one occasion with the actual teacher, her response was that it had been tough on her too (although I bet she didn't ball her eyes out most nights!) So maybe I judge her too harshly.

Roll on next year - DS got some extra time with the new teacher (thanks to the head) and is looking forward to a new start
But for me it was a real eye opener and I will be much more aware in future - DD has to go through that year group in 12 months....

anice · 11/07/2012 09:17

Maybe she appears as strict because she's having to teach the children to behave themselves in school following a few years of teachers with a light touch? If you are strict yourself, then your DD should have no problem adjusting to the new regime, its the parents who have been teaching their children self-discipline who'll find this teacher especially hard going.

BTW if "strict" is what qualifies a teacher to be dreaded at your school, then you are very lucky. Try having a nice, sweet teacher with zero class control and who doesn't actually successfully teach and then you will know what you really want to avoid.

anice · 11/07/2012 09:18

sorry should have said "its the parents who have NOT been teaching their children self-discipline who'll find this teacher especially hard going."

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