Please reassure ........

[proudmummy100]

My 5 year old son has been split from all his friends at school in the new class next year. There are 6 of them who are all close friends, but he does like other children and socialises well. The other 5 are together, 3 in one class and 2 in another. He feels he has done something wrong and I cannot explain why this has happened as I do not know. They have been split into 3 different classes and it has been bought to my attention (by other parents, one them being a govenor) these classes have been made up based on ability, with my son being in the class of "low ability". I was not aware this is how schools operate these days, and out of a class of 30, 10 of the children have a statement of special education needs. Also, I have not been informed he is considered low ability and at his parents eve I was told he where he should be and has beautiful friendships!

I am concerned about this, and feel they are all so young to be labelled "low ability". I know children are grouped once in their classess in terms of ability, but a whole class? What about inclusion?

I feel so anxious and concerned for my son, who really is very upset and confused, also will not talk to me about who is in his new class, he just says I do not know!

I think you need to talk to the school about this- parents gossip is no way to learn what is happening in school

Vanishing rare to be in ability streams in KS1 (maths sets maybe). I think there may be some Chinese whispers going on here.

Focus on the boys he likes in his new class (have them over during the hols?). and if he wobbles, remind him he'll see his other friends at playtimes.

Thank you for taking the time to post. I am so confused and upset myself. I have tried to keep away from playground gossip but so easy to get drawn into when you child is upset and you need to talk a guess. Also, it seems the only logical explaination that he has been split from his close friends.

I do have an appt at the school Monday am, the reality for me is I am not too worried about the frienship thing, he will make new friends, but I am completely oblivious to fact he may be a child low ability and feel I someone should have told me. Obviously I think is very bright, but yes I am biased.

I don't think you should listen to the other parents to be honest. Even if one of them is a governor

They have split the classes like this in my childs school. A lot of the parents are being quite nasty about it. I spoke to the head and he assured me that many factors were taken into consideration when choosing the classes and that it definately was not done on ability.

A lot of the parents are still convinced that its done on ability (and proves that their child is a genius of course)

I think you should go and speak to the teacher or head and explain your concerns and ask them to clarify things for you,

I also feel that aged 5, children cannot be judged like that as they all develop at their own rates.

Just ignore playground gossip because that is all it is

I really hope you are all right, I have convinced myself his ability is the only logical reason he would be separated from his friends.

He thinks he has been naughty and been put with "the naughty" children. He said this after they went into their new classess this week. I try to reassure him but he cries and then wont talk to me anymore.

If the school have based this on ability, is there anything I can do? I just want to prepare for Mondays meeting.

Proudmummy, How did you get on in the meeting?

A parent govenor would be most unlikely to know how that class lists were done and if they have been gossiping about it ... I also think it's unlikely to be streaming at this stage, although they may be streamed for maths and literacy so your DS may be in his friends classes for the main subjects anyway.

I'd speak to the head to raise my concerns about the classes, you'll probably find they thought X in your DS's class was an equally good friend, or (as with my DS2) that he learns better when apart from Y & Z

I'd seriously consider writing to the chair of govenors about a govenor passing on privileged (or inaccurate) information.

Speaking as a KS1 teacher, I would say it is very rare to stream classes by ability in this way. Possibly, if the classes were composite then there might be the more able Y1s in with some Y2s, but to have a top/middle/bottom classes in KS1 is unlikely. They might well set for phonics/maths but this is not the same as streaming.

Go and speak to the teacher and ask. They will probably be horrified (but maybe amused and unsurprised at the streaming rumours-especially if you name the parent governor; go on, go on-do it!!).

Okay ladies, you are all RIGHT! Pure gossip! I feel so much better, she even gave me data, there are 3 classes and in each class there are 4 children who either SEN or SALT. The classes are all equal in terms of ability/gender/behaviour etc. She also disagreed with streaming and gave me many reasons, all of which I had been concerned about myself.

His ability is okay, was so stressed about this, I do not want him to be behind already. His ability is varied, good and bad bits but overall he doing brilliant.

She was shocked by the rumour and did ask me who! I did not say though. To be fair it was more than one person.

I am so glad I went, instead of stewing. In terms of not being put with his best friend or his close circle of friends, she reassured again too that actually ds has many many friends and is very popular!

So when he comes home I can explain why and that he is so good and that everyone wants to be his friend.

Thank you all x

I am glad! And I hope he thrives in his new class.

Fantastic - I wouldn't be able to help myself mentioning how misinformed the governor was to a few specially selected gossips people though...

I am going to have a word with her myself. And I will be speaking to each and every parent who said this. Nicely, mind I do not want playground rows! Do you know, I am not daft, how could I have let myself think this and be drawn into it. A big lesson learnt here. Also, it has made me realise that some of this rumour is down to judgemental immature parents. Some of the children they are saying have special needs to do not!

This happens all the time. I am the same though and would probably feel drawn in, especially if a governor had said it as well. Some parents can be very cruel and very jealous.

I have had concerns myself as the new classes have just been announced. It appears it has been done pretty fairly although I do have some doubts. My DS does not appear to be with any of his friends and he thinks the one child that seems to cause him upset most weeks is going to be in his class. He is not 100% sure.

I am guessing that DS may be oversensitive (or I may be as its sad when he tells me stuff about kids upsetting him) and that the teachers don't necessarily think that there is a particular issue with this other child. Also it may be that he mixes well so there was no one in particular they felt he needed to be with.

I'm glad you've cleared it up. I honestly am shocked at how some parents behave. Have they really been saying that some children have special needs when they don't. How bloody rude!!! Even if the children did, what the hell has it got to do with them?

They have been saying that, it is so rude hey! And the worst of it is, I believed it, feel ashamed of myself now and really have learnt a lesson, and glad I have learnt it now, so I do not get drawn into in future years. He is my first, I have no idea how schools work or how parents behave, I think it is quite competative by the sounds of it.

My ds even came home saying he not with clever children!!!! It is normal I think for them to be anxious and even more so when not placed with friends, but they got though the first year not knowing any children so will again I guess.

'he is so good and that everyone wants to be his friend' nicely done proud

Thank you eggrules!

I'm pinching it