How much do the first 4 years count? Private or state?

[Beatrixpotty]

Wondering what to do with DS1 , nearly 3.Has a pre-school place in a private school and also in the local school 2 mins walk from my house.Private school seems quite strict, uniform in pre-school etc but lots of activities and extras.State school is small and seems friendly , catchment area is very mixed,lots of English as 2nd language etc but Sats are good, Ofsted is 2/3s, attracts lots of extra awards as in deprived area.My instinct is to go to the local school for convenience as I don't think especially at age 3 it really matters where & who they play in the sand & sing songs with which seems to be what they do in pre-school.wherever he goes age 3 will probably be where he stays until 7.The state school has bigger classes so DS may get less attention there.Very undecided.Some friends say the first few years are very important and than if we can go private, we should do, but just wondered if it is just an unnecessary waste of money?

Bump

save your money till hes older. see how he does in the state sector until hes finished junior school and if he does ok you could save yourself a heap of money in the long run.

DSS is at private school, but only due to the fact there was literally nowhere else in the local area (scotland) for him to go to after junior school where he wouldnt have ended up bumming about doing f* all

with our DC we are hoping to stick with a state education, as we live in what could be called a "naice" part of southern england

I think state/ private choice is such a personal choice...(and quite a good way of sparking off impassioned debate on MN!).

Bottom line for us is that we can't afford private...ever. But if we could, and being totally honest I would only send them private for secondary. Not because I think the education is better/ want them to go to Oxbridge etc, but I love all the extra curricular activities on offer on site - with 3 kids, there are only so many places I can be at once as a 'soccer mom'.

Just in my own experience (and someone else will feel very differently to me) as mum, trained teacher and childminder with 2 kids currently in primary: I think a large part of the Infants experience (Years R, 1 & 2) is about socialising, learning how to deal with peers/ teachers in school environment, and how to enjoy the learning experience. But have to admit, it is an 'Outstanding' state primary, and our experience of admin/ teaching/ differentiation of work has been great.

Friends who went private have a lot more Homework, spellings, reading books changed more often... so when I could not withstand the panic of my children being 'left behind' by those whose parents could pay for education, I just did a bit more with DC myself at home, 5-10 min of spellings or maths a couple times a week...

Esp living in London, where schools, homework, extra curricular activities sometimes feels incredibly competitive and hot-housey, I really wanted my children to just enjoy school, particularly the first few years.

I think you should think about what works best for your family, and then ignore everyone else's opinions. In the nicest possible way. Sometimes, I think we rubbish other people's choices in order to validate our own choices - or lack thereof. Just because I can't afford private, I try to not be bitter :)

Absolutely agree that it is not state vs private.

If DD2 had been at a different junior school, her dyslexia may not have been picked up. And DS's dyspraxia would absolutely not have been picked up, as it was only by me being aware of the difference between his intelligence and his output that made me get him tested by an Ed Psych. His private school would not have done so. They just kept telling me he needed to work harder, and it would all fall into place. (I have moved him, needless to say.)

All my DC have attended private schools for junior school, but DD1 is now at a state school, and DD2 will continue privately at least until after GCSEs. DS, well, we will see, as he's only 8.

Personally I believe that all education is important, irrespective of the child's age (from birth onwards!). BUT I don't think that automatically means that a child should be put into private school. A child thriving in a school (state or private) that really suits them as an individual will do better than a child being forced into a mould at a 'technically' outstanding school that doesn't suit them.

If your gut instinct is saying, State, then I would try the state school.
The school that my DSs go to doesn't have the best ESTYN (Welsh OFSTED) report, but they are thriving there as it really suits them. I think MiffMuff questions are very sensible.
I had initially put DS1 into a school that was supposed to be very good, but it failed him terribly as it wasn't the right school for him. When we looked at new schools it was very important to find the right one (I had to home-ed for a while to get him a state where he was able to return to school). Just in telling the head teachers about his anxiety was a good indication as to whether he would fit in. One told us not to bother with his school and to find one with a caring nature instead! The school where he ended up the head (during our tour of the school) found out DS liked history, so was showing him all the historical parts of the school, where to find the history section in the school library etc. It was clear they would value my DSs, even if my DSs weren't 'the norm'.

If money is not a concern I would go for the private option.

Maybe visit both with a view to actually getting to have conversations with the age seven children at both - basically they are the end product and will help you decide how you'd like your child to turn out.

Would second the point of the importance of the first 7 years - very little core behaviour changes after this time - have a look at Child of our Time if it's on iplayer.

State - they need to be able to read, write, add up and be happy to learn.

Huge variety of swimming, brownies, dance, gym etc available outside school.
Local friends and a place in the community.

I can't afford to go private, but several parents do, Y5 on wards.

Sport and a more varied curriculum, SATs don't rule, make it very tempting.
DCs more able to cope with the long days and they give parents more freedom to work to pay the fees.