Can ex stop me from changing schools?

[everyusernameistaken]

A brief history:

• we both have parental responsibility
• he is the non resident parent
• he lives abroad (always has done, as did we till I moved back to UK last summer with the kids)
• kids live with me, he sees them every few months at the moment (in school holidays)
• we are married, but divorce is underway. Is very acrimonious.
• ds has been at second choice school (reception) for almost a year and has now been offered a place at first choice school which is a) nearer b) better ofsted report and academic results and c) smaller than current school. All factors which I feel are much more suited to ds and a no brainer to accepting the place.
• ex gets The Arse over anything and everything.

Am minded to accept the place and then present it to ex as a fait accompli. I know this isn't ideal but I really don't want ds to lose out on a place at this school (its a popular school and his place will be snapped up by someone else). If I accept the place can ex do anything to stop it?

TIA

I know nothing of the legalities but if I were you I would accept the place and say nothing. You could even deny that your DS ever attended the first school - mess with his head a bit. He's clearly losing the plot if he ever thought DS was at X School, etc., and maybe he should talk to his GP - that sort of thing.

That really made me laugh Hassled, long overdue after the year me and the kids have had, so thank you!

Bump in the hope you get more sensible advice :o

As he has PR he is entitled to be consulted about your son's education. If you disagree over which school your son should attend you could go to court for a Specific Issue Order to resolve the matter or he could apply for a Prohibited Steps Order to stop you moving your son to the new school. The courts would then consider whether or not the move was in your son's best interests.

There are never any guarantees when it comes to the courts but they prefer parents to be reasonable and to try to work together. If it does go to court and you have contacted him and tried to get his consent but he has refused it may put you in a stronger position than if you have simply told him after the fact. Even if this particular issue doesn't go to court, there may be other battles over your son ahead. You don't want to give him anything he can use to show that you are unreasonable.

So personally I would suggest contacting him and giving him the chance to have his say, however painful that may be.

Thanks prh. I can't imagine any district judge having much sympathy with him if he did take it to court. Given the suitability of the school and ds etc I really think it would look like pure churlishness on the ex's part.

If going to court is the only way the ex could throw a spanner in the works then I think that's actually quite good. I don't think he'd be willing to do that over this particular issue (as much as it may rankle him) - we've got far too many other things to be going to court about at the moment which I think take precedence for him over this.

So, if I call him and let him have his say, and we disagree, what next? Can I go ahead with the transfer anyway and wait for him to make an application in court? Or, would he be able to insist the LEA put a freeze on the move until the court process is completed (which I assume could take some time, and the new school/LEA want him to start week after next)? I happen to know that there is another parent who would bite my hand off for ds's place and he's really been very fortunate to have this offer and I think it's a fantastic opportunity for him (and god knows he deserves a bit of good fortune after the last year he's had on account of his family unit breakdown. I could bloody sob for him.)

The email I would send:

"stbx H,

Great news! DS has finally been allocated a place at his first choice school! He is able to start from X date. Just wanted you to know in advance of the big day - I'm sure he'll want to tell you all about it!

no love lost much love,

Everyusername"

And then if you get no response within 48 hours, press ahead.

I think Fleet's email is very good. As you ex lives abroad and will naturally have little contact with school I don't think think any judge would pay much attention to him trying to stop DS changing school. It would have to be something more than changing between two local schools (eg sending to boarding school say) to get a judge interested. I think I'd let ex know about the place and accept it straightway.

Whether or not a judge would be interested depends on whether or not the father can make a case that it is not in the son's best interests to change school.

LAs and schools are generally more aware of PR issues these days so they may well put the whole thing on hold if he objects. They shouldn't, however, take the place away as long as you make the situation clear.

The courts can be very quick to sort out Specific Issue Orders if you need one in a hurry, although the fact he lives abroad may slow things down. He may, of course, back down if he knows you are willing to go to court. And it is possible he won't object in the first place if he thinks about your son's best interests.

Have just informed ex of the offer and he seems very happy with it! Phew. Am so pleased for ds - it's about time he had a bit of luck go his way.

Thanks to all for the advice.

Hooray! Great news.