worried about daughter

[misslongstocking]

my 10 yr old started middle school (yr 5)last Sept and has never felt properly settled - she was the only one from her first school to go there and so didn't have any ready-made friends (only 1 or 2 acquaintances). She is doing ok with her work but feels lonely and as if she is always 'tagging along'. Have spoken to school but they say she looks happy enough .
Now it is almost the end of the school year, she has been asking me to please let her go to the other middle school where the rest of her class from first school went.(We went for the other one as it leads on to popular high school amongst other reasons and she was happy to go there).
What to do???
Can't bear to think of her going through school feeling like a spare part - should we consider the other before new term starts?Husband rolls his eyes and thinks I'm worrying too much!
If he agreed with me, think I'd be phoning the other school tomorrow....

I'd say since she's given it a year, which lets face it feels like 5 years when you're 10 yrs old, and still not settled, then she's not going to now. So let her move if you can. Is the other school full? If she's anything like my 9yo DD, she'll probably do a good job of persuading her daddy herself!

She's nearly there now, only a year to go. If you're talking about popular as in a grammar school, 11+ and all that, I'd keep on the same track that you're on now. But I'd create opportunities for her to see her old friends too. We actually do that with our daughter. We're still in contact with families of children that she went to her previous nursery with, and they come and stay with us.

thanks for your ideas. She has kept in touch with a couple of friends -she has a chat to one of them in particular now and again- but hasn't seen them much as life is so busy!
The other middle school isn't full by the way - it's smaller and well thought of ,just the high school it leads to not as successful academically as the other.
Just to complicate things, youngest daughter just about to start school ,has a place at one near to older's current middle school ! (it feeds into there) she's excited about it so have to think about that too........
What to do......??

Maybe should abandon all academic ambition and just go where children happy..

misslongstocking:

I'm not clear whether attending this middle school is essential to attending your desired high school. Are you sure she has to attend this middle school to go to that school? I think you need to resolve this issue first and determine if the high school is essential to her future options.

As long as she's not getting bullied and is generally o.k. with school, but a bit blue then perhaps the solution is getting her active outside of school.

Can she still see old friends and do things with them? Girl Guides? Duke of Edinburgh Award?

Could she get more involved at school - often joining clubs or groups smooths the way to making more friends.

Finally you do need to seriously ask yourself if she has a bit of the teenagers going on. I have a good friend with a 10 year old who constantly is 'bored' and 'has nothing to do' and 'has no friends' at the moment and this girl has an activity nearly every day, goes horse riding twice a week and the whole high street says hello as we walk down it. Personally I never felt I was 'part of the in-crowd' but at a recent reunion of friends from high school and looking through peoples photos it was clear I had a pretty large group of friends and a lot of good times/ experiences.

I'm not saying your DD is seeing the cup half empty - it may truly be a bit lonely for her right now - but learning to start again and make new friends is a good life lesson and one easier to learn with family support and with old school chums in the vicinity.

It seems to me you're aware she's finding it a bit hard at the moment - maybe what you need to do together is divise a plan on how to make things better. I'd encourage you and your DD to find things she'd like to learn or try and join in - over the summer & next school year. Making friends is a lot easier if you're doing things together.