Please reassure me that I'm doing the right thing.

[wigglywoowoo]

My DD(only child) is currently in reception at a state school. The children are grouped for sounds, numbers and reading and she is in the top group for all three. She is bright and has been described by the teacher as one of the more able children.

I've discovered; only because they thought I was doing the same; that a few other parents are sitting down and going through workbooks with their 4/5 year olds. This has got me in a tizz and i'm wondering if i'm doing my DD as disservice as others seem to be overtaking her. The only thing academic that we do at home is read a lot.

I'm honestly quite shocked at how competitive even reception stage seems to be. Is this level of competition normal in reception? and should I be doing more?

No, it's not normal. And no, you shouldn't be doing more! Good grief, some parents need to get a grip (not you, them!). Just keep reading, she'll be fine :o

You sound wonderful-and doing fine. Do not get dragged in. Visit the library, encourage reading for pleasure and just have fun.

Bear in mind there are some very competitive parents-it wears off when they get to about 8yrs and they discover it didn't get them anywhere and it isn't a race.

Thanks! This year has been an eye opener for me, DD is very happy though!

My DD has lots of workbooks because I thought it would help her. What I have found is that really she does the workbooks she ALREADY knows how to do because she likes school work. I suppose this is reinforcement but it doesn't teach her anything new. If I try to teach her anything new she gets frustrated that I don't explain it like her teacher (I am ex-secondary and she firmly tells me I am not DOING IT RIGHT).

So, from experience of having a bright girl I would say workbooks are a pretty dire way of encouraging your children. Talking to them about what they have been doing at school, providing them with the opportunity to explore their class topic with library books/the Internet/visits/a good chat if THEY want to and reading with them are the most important and beneficial things.

It's not necessarily competitive parents. My dd1 would choose to do work books. if she had a book voucher she would choose to buy them. Even now in yera 6 she'll get out maths books and sit down and work through them.

Dd2 does it too because she likes to do the same as her sister.

If I got out a work book for ds I would probably find it flung across the room!

You sound a bit like me OP, although my DD (only child) is at preschool. I started a thread a while back worrying that she was being overtaken and blaming it on the preschool and was told by some sensible MNers that it was probably due to home coaching. Like you I just read lots with her, am happy with that, and don't want to feel coerced into doing more than I'm comfortable with just because other parents are.

If I end up in your shoes next year I think my main concern would be DD dropping out of the top groups, in which case I would try to have a word with the teacher about what might need doing at home to ensure she stays there. Otherwise I would try not to worry as I think being middle-to-bottomish of the top group is probably ideal in terms of eventual achievement - keeps you interested and trying hard!

Is this behaviour that they were displaying at age 4/5? My DD would always choose to play and run about but I accept that all children are different.

I do know that at least one of the parents is competitive, as she has blatently told me that she is. Both mothers boasted about their children being in the top group in the transition meeting to reception. I was just surprised that they even had ability groups in nursery.

Fatfloosie that sounds like very sensible advice. I don't get the impression that she is about to drop out of those groups. We should get her report soon so I can see if there is anything that the teacher feels she needs to do. :)

Hi wigglywoowoo:

I agree with a lot of what has been written above - you seem to have a DD who's clearly doing well and thriving and whatever you are doing at home seems to be working well for you.

I think DeWe raises a really important point - just because people are using work books doesn't mean that they're trying to 'hot house'. It may well be that they're trying to support learning or (as in our case) help a struggling child.

You seem well aware that your DD is performing well - 'top groups in everything' - so my advice is to use that as a yard stick. If she continues to go along at that level Y1 - Y6, it seems that there really is very little extra you need to do. However, if you start to see a gradual decline in performance - then maybe at some point (and you'll know where) you may want to consider doing a bit more at home to support learning (not huge things but little extras & possibly quite targeted - like extra reading out loud time, joined up writing practice, practice with multiplication tables, etc...).

I know a lot of parents in KS1 are very keen to compete regarding reading skills and often take that as an indicator for ultimate educational success. My DD1 was bottom and second to bottom group for most things in KS1 and we didn't wear it on our sleeves, but workbooks and on-line tutorials have made a huge difference - largely because our DD clearly is extremely visual in her learning and requires a lot of practice before she picks anything up. Our yardstick has been the gradual rise and rise in groups over the last 2 years but I also think it is a success that all those who've helped at the school should share in as well - and do!

I think the important thing to remember is it's a marathon not a race and everyone learns differently.

HTH

OP Am as shocked as you at the group thing in nursery AFAIK there aren't any ability groups in my DD's school attached pre-school, only key worker groups with a huge variety of children in each one.

Oh yes, Reception and Year 1 are always fun with Book Levels etc. Thankfully, it wears off by the end of Year 2.

DS2 absolutely loves wordsearches, and would rather buy a new wordsearch book than a packet of sweets, so we have loads of them lying around.

TBH, I think a game of snakes and ladders is better for them than a hundred work books, unless your child needs a bit of extra support in a specific area, or just happens to enjoy doing them.

...And then the SAT's relults competition kicks in instead

Thanks for all the replies, lots of useful advice.

I completely understand the use of work books for children who need a bit of extra support (which my sister did) but these children are already in the top group in the class. The school does not accelerate so there seems to be no other benefit other than to keep them at the top.

I've never thought of a wordsearch as educational before but you raise a good point. She does have a wordsearch book that she picked herself and we play a lot of educational games.

I don't discuss reading levels with anyone, I just need to stand in the playground to hear how much friction and angst it causes. :(

I can't say anything about workbooks, but I'd encourage anyone to do 3 rs with their children.

Even for children who are ahead?

Depending on when you start doing the 3 rs your children might be ahead right from the start. Sure, carry on. I don't think you can ever have enough ability in the 3 rs. And you can incorporate fun.

yesterday i had my first conversation with the mother of a child attending the same pre school as my own DD. Never met her before so imagine my shock at the school application, book reading and academic aspirations questions.

Duh, we jus come to play in the park we did.......

I had to have a word with myself about my child's right to family and play time on a weekend!

As a teacher, home coaching can help but it very rarely makes a significant difference unless there are specific weaknesses that can be addressed.

Depends if you see a benefit in your DC being ahead at 5. Personally I like mine to enjoy themselves while they are little.

OP - reading (and talking about what you are reading is great!) My DD voluntarily writes little stories (because she wants to). DS would rather eat his own arm so we don't force it. With maths (maybe starting in Y1) we have helped with mental recall of number bonds/times table and other topics that they need extra support with. I think this is useful.

My SIL is like the other parents at your school. She seems to be constantly teaching her DC the next thing so that they can stay ahead. It just seems to make a lot of hard work for her and her DC and you do have to wonder that there will be an age where she can't keep it up any longer and they'll fall into their natural ability level.

i would do the work sheets if she is interested, my dd is some times and asks to and sometimes she does not.

I will say however that their is probably a natural developmental click happing with the other shildren that your dd had earlier, hence the fact some are catching up and others even over taking.

My dds reception class created a whole new group for my dd and another little boy as they were both working at an astonishingly higher level that the other reception children, at parents evening the teacher told me she had an exceptionally bright class. However by the end of reception 2 others had joined this group and now in y1 the gap between my my dd, this boy and the pthers has narrowed out and many of the other scvhildren are catching upa nd one or two definatly have over taken my dd with numeracy. This is normal I would imagine as they all devolp and progress at different rates.

IMHO the work books will just be reinforcing what they are learning rather ensuring they are wizzing ahead of dd.

I would seceratly love my dd to be the phenomon G&T she appereaed to be just after joining reception, She is exceptionally bright and intelegant but there are also room for others to be in her class too.

Dont get dragged into the competition from other parents and never divulge what your dd can and cant cant do to those who have no genuine interest other than to compare their own DCs.

I am always a bit by the parents who use my dd as a banchmark and I often reply with "I have no idea" when they ask what dd can do in this area and that area. They get very frustrated with out having her as a benchmark and even more so that she is cleaver and I have had to make no effort with it what sp ever, lol.

terrible typos in that post sorry.

I'm just going to wait and see how thing progress. Instinctively I am a pushy mum but I have my dd best interests at heart and I just want her too be happy!

Workbook? What's that . I am lucky that DS finds his own "work" (prefer to call it "fun" as it is) by reading books, doing stuff on cbeebies website, typing out a story on the computer, playing with his sister etc etc. Occassionally I browse workbook type things looking for anything inspiring, but generally I find them very tedious and imagine DS would find them similar.

we all are OP if we are honest. from what you have wrote on this thread i do think you have the correct balance and attitude to your dds education, which will do her the world off good.

I do extra stuff with my 4 yr old pre schooler. I wanted to teach him to read and like giving him a decent grounding in numbers.He is largely happy enough to go along with me... He is very proud of what he can do.
I wouldn't touch those workbooks with a barge pole anyway though. They don't provide anything like enough practice of particular areas. One page and they are onto something else. No chance for the child to remember let alone consolidate.
Whether you did extra paper based work or not I would just say that anything that you set out to do - repeat it everyday till they know it like they know their own name. With dd1 it took ages for her to learn to count to 10 and then 20. Now I realise we weren't very consistent in practicing. With my ds I count to twenty or more with him every bed time. I ask him the same sort of sums ( we have 2 plates on the table, how many more do we need?) every day. most days I askhim to put number cards up to 20 in order. He has a fab grasp of number order now...
Don't use those stupid workbooks!