oral sex playground talk

[loopydoo]

DD (10.5) came home last night quite upset, telling me a girl at school had been telling them, quite descriptively, about sucking boys' willies'. Now I don't know in what context she was telling but I assume just information, not saying she had done it.

DD (who knows what sex in a loving relationship is etc) was a bit disturbed by how the girl had been telling them and it seems this girl is a bit of a bully and has been causing other upset to the new girl in class (saying stuff about her dad not being her real dad etc) and trying to split up my dd from her other friends etc.

Would you talk to school about this child and if so, what would you say or would you just see it as playground normal stuff.

It's so sad that age 10, that's what girls are talking about. I'm only early 30s and certainly not a prude but all that kind of stuff (especially oral sex) wasn't really in the equation of playground chat until we were about 12 and even then, it wasn't something we discussed.

This is a middle school (yr 5) not a primary.

I would talk to the teacher about this. You never know if this might be a flag for abuse or inappropriate stuff at home and worth just mentioning so that someone with more expert knowledge could make that judgement or at least be aware in case any other signs were noticed.

Also if there is bullying going on the school should definitely be told so they can nip it in the bud.

I never had that type of conversation at primary school. I imagine it's within the realms of normal (children showing off about the adult things they know!) but always worth checking!

i had this when my ds1 was the same age, he wasnt upset as such but totally freaked out, he knew about sex but not the specifics of oral sex.

anyway i talked to him about it and explained that whilst he might not like the idea now when he was older and in a relationship there are various things he may or may not want to try with his girl/boyfriend, this being one of them and it is fine if they both want to etc etc. i tried to stay all calm and matter of fact about! whilst inwardly cringing!

and yes i did mention it to the school as i felt they should know and they were grateful i did and they could then talk about appropriateness and stuff in a phse lesson or whatever they call them.

i just made it clear to my ds1 that he could always talk to me and that if he felt uncomfortable at things like this at school he could also tell a teacher.

yes i tihnkn it can be normal playground stuff, but i still think its good to let the school know.

it sounds like there are other issues as well so they need tackling re the bullying.

hope your dd is ok, its scary how quickly they can grow up now :( my ds1 is now almost 13 and still not interested in sex, girlfriends etc, he knows the infor and that he can always talk to us and does sometimes, but is still a long way off being interested in actually trying anything, thank god!

So you are asking if it's unreasonable for A 10.5 yr old to be talking about something you didn't talk about til 12?

I would have a quiet word with the teacher - it may be nothing, but teachers do like to know if there is age-inappropriate stuff being discussed, in case they need to deal with the fallout either for the girl herself or others getting upset by the topic.

I'd write to/email the head teacher and call in and speak to the class teacher about it.

First of all where did the girl get the information from? Perhaps she has older brothers! But potentially there's something wrong going on here.

No Ariadne1 that's clearly not whay I'm asking as you'll see from the thoughtful posts above. My main concer actually, after I was upset that DD was upset, was how this girl has all of this info. If her paretns/older brothers etc have told her, then fine. She's letting all of the others know how much she knows etc, however, my main concern was actually from a safeguarding point of view.

As others have said, it may be wroth flagging up to the school so they're aware of the type of things this girl is discussing and follow it up at home if necessary.

thanks everyone.

Have subtly emailed form tutor and head of year to explain.
Thanks for suggestions .

Loopy - what I am saying is that if you were talking about it at 12 (which could be y7) why do you think that it is odd that a 10.5 yr olds who could be Y6 (-ok your DD is Y5) are talking about it? It's not a huge difference in ages 1 academic yr

no but one is high school and one is primary/middle school and actually there is a HUGE difference between a final yr primary student and afirst yr high school student, they change enormously literally wihtin the first few weeks of high school and at high school there are older kids and its very easy to imagine where they have got it from or overheard it, this kind of talk it not as common in primary/middle schools. admittedly it does happen, but i would expect it to be par for the course in high school, esp as they get older, not so in primary and it is something that shoudl be raised with the school.

The child is in middle school though which i beleive has childeren up to 13.The age of peak sex-obsession

actually i think you will often find that in a middle school system the childrne arent always as sexually aware or at least they dont talk about in the playground as much as they do at high school esp one with childrne up to 18 where it is very different.

and as the mother of a almost teen no they arent at the peak age of sex obsession.

I think age 9/10 is very different to age 12/13 - emotionally, not just socially.

My SIL is a fab teacher (yr 6) in a city school and she says that whilst it happens, it's not appropriate for her to be talking like this and if it happens at her school, she doesn't just talk to the child, the school policy is to tell the pastoral care team about it - especially with regards to safeguarding.

academic year 5 - academic year 8 - that's a whole 3 yrs difference.