Worried I'll be peeling dc off my leg at school gate

[thistooshallpasswontit]

My 4yo will start school this sept and seems to be excited about it. I think she is a confident, funny and sweet little girl (but I would!) who has lots of friends.
However, she isn't as confident at nursery and her key worker describes her as timid and shy and she cries at nearly every nursery drop off (has gone there for 3 years) and I am becoming increasingly concerned about how she will cope going into school.
Btw I don't pander to her tears and I just leave saying have fun I'll see you at x time. Is that the "best" thing to do? I'm not aware of any problems at nursery- she always has a blast when she's there it is just tricky getting her in!
I'm hoping school will be a fresh start without this crying association but would appreciate any advice on how to boost her confidence/separation anxiety. None of her friends are going to the same school so no one for her to walk in with either.
Anyone have any bright ideas that I could try? I dread having to peel her off my leg at the school gate.

tell me about it. I had to uncurl ds2's fingers, one by one, from whatever bit of my clothing he was clinging to, and hand him to the TA. Schools are used to this, and she'll get over it. they all do. :o

No bright ideas, just sympathy! My dd2 was the same as this. She cried most mornings at pre-school but came home having had a lovely time. She started reception last September and cried spectacularly every morning up until Feb half term, so a good 6 months of full on tantrums at the door. Then suddenly, it stopped! She hit 4 1/2 (Aug birthday) and seemed to just decide she was ready for school now, and we haven't looked back since.
Keep doing what you are doing and she'll get there eventually. More upsetting for you than her in reality!

Okay, trying going to school with a friend. Warn the class teacher, and see if she can be separated from you before you get in the classroom. You can also try having someone else take her into school.

You could also ask her what she doesn't like about going into nursery. Also observe do the children who make a fuss at nursery get more attention (my DS started to make a fuss because of this). Is she better if you are one of the first in or one of the last?

Thanks everyone. Glad to hear I'm not alone and that they have all got over it!

We thought the same when DD started school last year. She was ok at nursery but very shy in any unknown surrounding.

She knew only one other child at school and only met the teacher 2x before. The first "get to know you" afternoon started by me pushing her into the arms of the TA and running off, leaving her crying.

On the first day of school, we brought her to her classroom, she marched in and we had to ask her to stop so we could say goodbye. Since then she just queues with the rest of the class, "bye mum, see you after school", I am too busy chatting to my friends.

I was worried I'd be peeling DD off me at the school gates, she's a late Aug born and didn't start nursery until she was 3. At nursery she would cry at pretty much every single drop-off and, despite DD telling me she loved nursery and her key worker saying she was one of the most confident, happy and talkative kids there, she never relented. I used the minimum fuss approach too, I would be all happy and jolly and just hand her over breezily then crumple into a sobbing heap of hormones as I was pregnant/ had just given birth

DD started school a week late, as I had an emergency operation in hospital the day before the start of term, then one day after getting out of hospital DS (3mth at the time) was admitted with suspected bacterial meningitis! I took DD into the classroom, she gave my hand a really tight squeeze then ran off saying 'Bye, Mummy!' without so much as looking back! She was only stopping until after lunch, it was the last 3 days of part-time hours for reception before starting full time the next week. I remember being a bag of nerves at pick up, the head teacher laughed and told me she's had an amazing day, ate like a gannet at lunch and asked if she can stop all afternoon because she loved it so much! She has never cried once and even started getting the school bus after October half term. She absolutely adores school, and I can now see the confident, happy and talkative kid that her key worker at nursery described.

My dd cried at nursery drop off nearly every morning for 3 years too, despite being very happy and secure there.

Stressful, isn't it?

It helped me to recognise that she finds transitions - big and small - difficult. It's not that she's unhappy, just needs help moving from one thing to another.

She's now coming towards the end of reception and whilst I can't report a complete change, I can say that the days that I've left her crying have been few and far between, as have the days when she's gone to sit on the carpet independently with the other children.

Gradually, the balance is tipping towards the drop offs getting easier, but it's a slow process, which you have my sympathy for!

I would be very positive about school, and force yourself not to show any glimmers of anxiety in front of dd or talk about it too much. Follow the school system, and be as matter-of-fact as you can be at goodbye time. Sometimes they find it easier not to say goodbye at all, I think.

Our school - which is very caring and child-centred - had a really good system for this - we all went in with the dc for the first few weeks to sort out coats etc. The teachers and TAs had excellent distraction techniques and would talk dd's hand and tell her they had a (fun) job for her, and I would leave immediately. They then had a sticker system whereby the child got a sticker if they went in the classroom by themselves. There were moments of difficulty, and days when dd hung back but the TAs were just so brilliant at dealing with it.

Mine never cried, but a friend's dd was often in floods despite being an incredibly confident and positive child. Her mum used to shoot off as fast as possible. Prolonged goodbyes are painful for everyone.

She might surprise you. My son was like your DD, but he amazed me when he started, as he wanted to be like the other kids, so even though he found it tough, he knew he had to go, was old enough to know that he'd be okay once I'd gone and we rarely had any tears at all.

Definitely make sure she goes with a friend if you can. If she struggles, sweet talk the TA so you can hand her over to them each morning.

I did the breezy approach in the main, but I did give her a hug and a kiss to keep in her pocket before we left home (which was a mumsnet tip), and that did seem to help (or dd was just playing me along!).

DD was better than I hoped tbh. I had to go in with her and sit on table first day, but the teacher summed it all up in one glance, and after register the next thing was explore the school and she took dd's hand and led her off with a "right now dd, let's show everyone where the toilets are", so I could leave happy.

We were tolerated to help hang up bags/coats until we felt able to persuade our child to go in without us. I talked about with dd after a few weeks and we decided she could go in by herself. That was an amazing feeling when she did!

She still asks me to go in with her occasionally, say if we are late, or she's feeling a bit sensitive for some reason, but seeing as that is usually my fault I'm happy with that.