emotional problems 4 yr old starting school in september.

[OTTMummA]

This is in Behaviour topics, but thought i would post it here for more traffic.

Hi, just wanted some advice really, having a few problems with DS who is 4.6yrs old.

First i should say that there are 3 major things happening in the next 3/4 months, at the end of June we are moving, July we are having our second child, and in September he is starting primary school.

Now, i have been expecting some changes in his behaviour, i mean with all these things happening soon, i am suprised we only have this one real issue that has crept up, but i really want to sort it out, or have a plan in place if things get worse etc, i worry too much probably, but i want him to have a good three months before school so he is set up to be in a positive mind frame.

We had his parents evening last week and he is on stage 3 and 4's so has done really well, and we (dh and i) are confident that he has no problem with reading and writing and that he gets on well with the other children.

What has been happening lately though, is he has started to say he can't brush his teeth as he doesn't know how to, despite the fact that he has been doing it on his own for a long time now, he also has started to panic if he gets his head stuck whilst trying to get dressed and now refuses or cries if we do not put on his tops.
We are trying to be really positive with him, giving him praise for every little thing, even taking his plate into the kitchen after dinner etc
We tried again this morning to get himself dressed with no help ( because he can do it ) but it ended up in tears, and also gave him his tooth brush and told him that he didn't have to do it perfectly, just try and get what he could done etc, but that also ended up in tears, he wouldn't even try.

I am starting to get anxious about his emotional wellbeing as i was an awkward child who didn't make friends easily, and still don't tbh, i just like my own company, but i don't want this for DS, he is sociable, and i would like his transistion to primary school to go well, i don't want him to be the child who can't/won't change by himself at P.E etc.
None of his Nursery friends are going to his new school either which made me feel really sad for him.

Any tips or advice would be great, dh and i are going to have a discussion tonight about what we can do, or think a way around it.

TIA x

Its so, so normal for kids to regress when big changes are happening! And those really are big changes, his whole world is about to change...and yours, for that matter

Personally, I would let him be 'little' around dressing, toothbrushing, and anything else he feels overwhelmed by - it sounds like an expression of his general 'overwhelm' and absolutely understandable. When he feels ready, safe and not overwhelmed, he'll go back to doing all of it himself - really, he will. I suppose he's being asked to trust the grown-ups around him on home, family, love, safety.....so showing you trust him by following his lead on small things would make perfect sense....

I've experienced examples of all of this with my eldest, when small one arrived, and with my youngest, when we moved house, and with both when starting school/moving year groups etc. They are perfectly settled and independent now - in their own time!

And 4 is very little...he just wants to feel safe

It seems to you as though Big School is around the corner, but a few months is a very long time in the life of a 4 year old, and he has plenty of time on the dressing thing - I honestly wouldn't push it!

Good luck with all the changes, and congrats on your forthcoming babe.

I would also take a step back for now. Of he needs a bit of babying, then it really won't cause a problem in the long run. He is still very young.

I still step in and help my two get dressed and do their teeth sometimes (aged 8 and 5!), because I like to mollycoddle occasionally.

Thank you, my worrying was made worse by the parents evening, they had a 'educational consultant' come in and talk to us about ensuring that children were emotionally ready for school and to get them to be more independant because otherwise they may not start learning effectively at the start of school.
tbh, a lot of the info this lady gave out was just normal things you would expect most parents to understand, but the emotionally ready thing got to me a bit.
He can be a bit timid and shy at first, when doing or going somewhere new with other children, but he has made friends at Nursery, i just do not want him to have a negative experience that would affect his ability to socialise at primary school.

It sounds like you are being really positive with him. I agree with the other posters that it would be fine to let him regress a bit as it won't last. When he has adjusted to all the new thinks he will be more confident once again. When my ds1 was 3 we moved in July, he started his new nursery in sept and ds2 was born in October. Very similar to you. All I wanted to add was allow him plenty of time to accept the changes. My ds1 looking back took a lot longer to settle at nursery and regain his independence/ confidence with the little things at home. It was probably 6 months really.