GAH Feel like I'm drowning in all of this

[worrywortisworrying]

Just got a letter from DS's (proposed) school. It's like rewriting history.

It's TELLING me what happened at the meeting I was at. Reminding me what they told and pointing out my failures. Except, it's not based in reality.

Reality: They said they didn't want to accept DS
It says: I would prefer to keep my DS at nursery.
NO THE JEFF DO I! I WANT him to go to school if he possibly can.

Reality: I was TOLD not to attend the new parents meeting
It says: We are sorry you did not come to our new parents meeting as it would have been helpful for DS
I live less than 800 metres from the school. I would have been there in a heartbeat if I thought I was supposed to be there.

Now, I have to contact them if I want to take up my allocated place otherwise it will be reallocated. Except, no one will speak to me. ALl the notes I left with them (which they were going to copy and get back to me ASAP) STILL haven't been returned. Nor have any of my calls.

I just feel like I'm drowning in all of this. I can't help but feel they want ME to say I will HE so they don't have to seem like the bad bastards. I am going to call them now and say he's taking up his place in September, but I don't feel hopeful about it at all.

It's not like I can expect DS and tell me what's gone on

Why the feck does it have to be this difficult?

I don't understand. Why would they think you don't want the place?

Because THEY don't want to accept my DS.

And, I'm guessing they are hoping against hope they can somehow blame me / say it's what I want / get me to agree to HE

They are WAYWAYWAY over capacity (accepting 150 kids this year, whereas they usually accept 90) so the last thing on earth they need is a child causing no end of problems.

I have tried to agree to do it their way, but I am so bloody angry with this letter. THEY are TELLING me what happened. Seriously: Then you, Mrs Worry, said that you would prefer your DS to stay at the nursery. NO I FECKING DID NOT say that.

But at what cost? So he goes in September, gets treated like shit until I take him out. As I said, it's not like he's able to tell me what's gone on.

SO ruddy furious.

At a meeting last wednesday. The new parents meeting was Thursday and I was told not to bother going, but the letter says that they were disappointed that I didn't attend.

I've been trying to contact them since Friday (a friend told me that DS's pack had been left out) and STILL no reply (I'm phoning around 5 times per day).

But, If I don't make contact, they will reallocate the place.

Rock and Hard place comes to mind.

I still don't really understand. They have gone 160 over pan and are now randomly hoping kids will drop out? Why would they think you are a good option for dropping out? Ther must be more to this surely?

When you say you have tried to do it their way what do you mean? What have they tried to encourage you to do that you have tried to accommodate?

Sorry if I am being thick.

Can you go down there? Send an email, leave a letter?

And send back the info on the meeting corrected in red ink.

Go visit, if you can, and hand deliver a letter saying you accept the place. Get someone to sign for acceptance. Tell the local authority you have accepted the place as well, to cover both ends!

Can you go into the school office and request the pack??

I understand you are angry and stressed, but if you want advice, or other people's opinions, you are going to have to slow down and start at the beginning, because it's not making a lot of sense.

Sorry OP but your posts make no sense. I get your anger but I think you need to fill in the gaps before anyone can give you any advise.

Oh dear, this sounds very difficult.

Keep copies of everything.

You need to write to them asap, and send by registered delivery, or hand deliver and get receipt - stating at end of letter which you have done.

Say that you are accepting the allocated place.

Explain that your recollection if the meeting differs from theirs on several important points. List those points (a bit like in OP), explaining your position clearly.

Ask for acknowledgement in writing.

That deals with the urgent matters.

Then it becomes the wider issue of remaking the relationship with the school. Are you sure you want DS to go there - either because, despite this, it is the best place for him, or even if it's just the best of a poor range of possibilities?

In your own words:

"I live less than 800 metres from the school. I would have been there in a heartbeat if I thought I was supposed to be there."

so walk down the road 800 metres to the school and have a conversation with them and do what is necessary to accept the place!

I thought it made sense.

Op's ds has special needs (I assume behavioural, but don't know)

School does not want to accept him, but have been told they must by council.

School PAN is usually 90, but have been told to take 2 bulge classes this year taking them to 150.

OP has received paperwork of the minutes from a meeting she had regarding ds going there. They have put a positive spin on their stance, and a negative one on the OP. School are holding onto info OP gave them, which they said they'd return.

She has been told to contact them to affirm she is taking up the place after the meeting. Only they're not answering the phone.

OP suspects they're trying to put her ds off, as they have bitten off more than they can chew with 2 bulge classes, and they don't want any "problem" children to add to it.

Is that right OP?

Write a letter, and post it, hand deliver a copy of that letter to the office (or better yet the head teacher, send another copy of that letter to the chair of governors send and email all saying YES, DS WILL be taking his place in September. That way you have all the proof you need should they then say you didn't contact them to accept the place.
Do not go to any more meeting without another person there, make sure that all meetings have minutes taken, get copies of these minuets. You could try asking them if you can record any meetings to have.
Write a letter of complaint to the school governors and the LEA about the appalling way the school have treated you expressing your concerns that your DS will be 'managed out' after he starts in September, if nothing else this gives you a paper trail.

I don't know your full story but I am assuming that your DS has some special needs but has not yet got a statement?
My DS starts school this September, his speech is very, very behind, he is also unable to tell me anything about his day but the differences between what you are experiencing and my experiences are night and day. I know school will be supporting my DS when he starts, they will work with me to ensure that any help required will be obtained. I have a feeling that my DS's issues are a speck compared to your own DS but still, you need confidence in a setting when you are sending either a non verbal or barely verbal child into it. I am very lucky to have always had that but I would be very worried indeed in your situation, is there any way possible to get a different school for him?

Sounds plausible DeVe but why did she have a one to one meeting with the school before the parents evening ? Why not attend the parents evening anyway ? Is there any way they can refuse to educate her child if he has already been offered a place ?

Don't the LA do the 'place offering'? Or have I missed something?

Just re-read the OP's first post, don't get it. Sorry. Why all the difficulty getting in touch with school? Go in, surely that's what you'd do? Ask to speak to the head?

I must be missing something, it all sounds seriously convaluted.

If school are not returning calls - go to LEA/e-mail them - make sure there are written records/e-records that cannot 'go missing'. Ask for everything to be put in writing. Let the LEA know that you will be accepting the offer of the place and are able to discuss the transition with the HT/SENco.
If as you have been lead to believe, that the school do not want you, ask LEA to confirm with the school that they can meet DS's needs. If the school says they cannot, the LEA have a duty to find alternative provision.
You may find that it works in your favour, as if the school do not feel that they can cope, you have ammunition to offer if you intend to ask for SS rather than a MS education

DeWe - completely spot on.

I was upfront about DS's issues and so they visited him in his nursery, which is why they asked me to come for a 1-2-1 meeting. (which they put off for as long as possible)

I was told I should not attend the new parents evening.

I am worried about going to sit in the school as (i) I will have the kids with me and I'd rather have these discussions without DS being present and (ii) it makes me look like even more of a nutter.

I do feel that the school would just prefer I did the nice thing and bugger the bugger off. I've called twice since and still no call back / no one available.

Are you in England or Wales? Have you requested a statutory assessment of ds's needs so as to secure a statement for ds?

England and yes, SA has been requested.

Can't offer any more than has already been stated; but would like to wish you all the best. Sounds like the school is under as much pressure as you are though and it's unbelievable that they're being asked to take 2 extra classes! You will reach a sensible conclusion OP as no school wants to deliberately fail a child.

Thank you, sparkles and mutteroo

I will write a letter today. Didn't want to write it yesterday as I was angry.

I'm not angry with the school or the head, per se (in fact, both are lovely) but I'm new to all of this and there is such a difference with what is being said and then what is being recorded (I suppose to make sure procedures are met etc., I do appreciate they don't want to write 'we don't want to take your DS as were a bit stretched and he's going to cause us headaches' but I resent the 'worry wants her DS to stay at nursery and not start school'. I just want a truthful recognition that I'm more than happy to work with the school and go along with what the school feels is best, but my personal aim would be for DS to start school in September. Anyway, I will write all of that today.

I'm still going round the houses as to whether to HE him, I've made a few contacts re HEand we are actually going to a group on Friday, so will see how that goes...

Thanks everyone for listening.