How to help my 8 year old boy with bullying

[onanightlikethis]

he can be sensitive - name calling which IMO is all part of a school day he takes to heart. He says he tries to ignore it, but sometimes t red mist comes and he lashes out. He's not a great talker so I only find out about it when things have reached a head. Like tonight- he's been in floods of tears, he hates been different, everyone laughs at him, he's the smallest ithe class so am sure he gets teased for that. We had a non uniform day and he said everyone laughed at his clothes. He was desperate for a footy shirt with his name on the back, but now he won't wear it as someone has obviously made a comment about it.
I have spoken to him about not taking things yo heart,but don't know how o give him a thicker skin or more sense of his own belief. Actually he can do things that lots of his friends can't, such as he races bikes, is not afraid of physical challenges and is good at sport. Anybideas?

I'm sorry you have these concerns! It must be dreadful to see your son feel insecure and unhappy. What kind of comment could someone have made about the name on his shirt? Does he have an unusual name?

Have you spoken with his teacher? Is there anything she could do to try to help him feel more confident? i.e. publicly reward him for something? Or could she help steer him toward children he might get along with better? Or could you "empower" him with "answers" to possible taunts? i.e. "I like my shirt because I admire xxx team. Which team do you like?"

Focusing on the specifics of what they tease them about isn't that much help. If kids get it in their mind to tease, they will tease about anything.

Speaking as one who has been bullied & had to deal with DS1 becoming very depressed by it:
Boosting social status by forging links with nice kids who have their own strong social circle will give him his own gang to help him brush off harsh comments.

If he's good at sport there's a chance he could build nicely on that, boys respect sporting achievement enormously. Who are the other sporty or simply nicest boys, could you encourage friendships with them? What sports do the boys in his class tend to do?

I don't know if this will help and I don't know how bad the bullying has got for your DS. It might be that you have already tried this.

I spoke to my DS about what a bully is trying to achieve, ie that their aim is to upset you and if you show them that you are upset, then they have got what they wanted. They enjoy seeing you upset and it makes them do it more. I explained that the best way to 'get your own back' is to pretend to not be upset (even if, inside, you are), then the bully doesn't get what they want and you 'win'. I also gave my DS some standard phrases to use to show that he doesn't care what they think (along with shrug of the shoulders) - nothing that would get him in trouble, just to enable him to respond calmly and without a show of feeling apart from a 'don't care' attitude.

Thanks- he is in the "popular" alpha male group. It one or 2 particular boys in this 8 strong group. I have tried inviting dfferent friends round- but e wants the others in the group to come round. They are his best friends. Need to call his teacher I think.