parents in school

[hocuspocusherewego]

DDs school recently had a picnic lunch where all parents were invited to have a picnic lunch with their children on the school field. I unfortunately could not attend, so DD was on her own.

She ate the majority of her lunch with her class yrR. However I have found out today, whilst having a talk about secrets, that she spent some time with a yr2/3 family. She talked to their dad on the phone and sat with the mother. Now my DD5, so I know can be unreliable in telling the truth, said that the mum had told her not to tell me that she sat with them and that it was a secret. My DD said she felt bad as she knew we were not supposed to have secrets but the mum insisted that it should be a secret and that she also told her some stuff that she didn't understand and said they were secrets too. As this was a week ago DD cannot remember what else was said, maybe as she didn't understand it.

I am glad that DD told me but it has made me wonder about how school cover the risks of parents being in school, on a large field, with all the children out. Obviously those who help in school, as I do, are CRB checked but I know the mum in question doesn't help in school and as such has no check. I also know, from the mother involved who appears proud of and willing to tell anyone who will listen, that they have SS meeting them every week as they are concerned that she harms her children and has mental health issues of her own. (before I am flamed my dad has mental health issues and I am not judging her by this)

Do I need to bring this up with school? or just be thankful that my DD told me and leave it at that? The woman involved has a tendency to go off on one at people in the playground if she even suspects they have said anything about her to anyone.

I am a sahm and go to all these sorts of events. I always look out for the kids who are friends with mine but have nobody coming. The teachers and TAs are usually doing tasks like distributing drinks so the child wouldn't really have anyone looking after them. Do you have any other parents/grandparents at these events who you could ask to keep an eye out for your daughter?

As for the secrets etc. who knows? I'd try and avoid your dd having contact with this mum but without proof or witnesses who knows what was said?

The school don't have to CRB people who only come into the school ocassionally - eg parents like these.

It doesn't sound to me like anything you need to speak to teh school about. Maybe she thought she was breaking the school rules by sitting with someone else's family and the parents said, "don't worry it will be our secret" or something like that. They wouldn't really have the opportunity to harm your DD in a field with loads of parents around, nor would they have the opportunity to "groom" her and gain her trust in a one off event.

Your DD will have to get used to dealing with people without you around eventually - she needs to learn what secets are OK and what aren't and how to relate to adults directly who aren't either parents or teachers. She also needs to start learning how to say no to adults that ask her to do things she isn't comfy with (eg sit with them, or keep a secret). She's only 5, so obviously this is all quite new but she needs to learn these skills some day, whether or not the school try to prevent any contact between kids and other people's parents. I'd use it as an opportunity to talk to her about how to relate to adults that she doesn't know well.

crazy I am a sham but on this occasion I couldn't go as another of my DCs, at a different school, had an event on at the same time. With 4DCs I am always trying to split myself in 2 and as youngest got me the last time the older one got me this time. Due to DHs job we live 160 miles from nearest relative and move every 2 years so never really have that "good" or "close" friend to rely on.

I am not that concerned about the secrets, I know DD is little and an unreliable witness, but she started the talk about secrets and then confessed the one about this mum. I think I shall tell her to stay with her own class in future.

It just made me wonder about how schools watch the children and who they are with. The field in question has many blind spots and with all of the school out and extra parents, younger siblings etc anything could happen. I would think that school are aware of any concerns SS have with a parent so maybe they watch these parents closer

A CRB check is no guarantee of or guard against anything.