Worrying about new teacher

[ihearttc]

Not quite sure how to word this so bear with me.

DS1 is in Y2 at the moment and is about to go into Y3 at our local junior school in september.

He's a strange little boy in many ways...isn't bothered too much about specific friends or fitting in with the "in crowd" so to speak but is very bothered about what teacher he has. Its a 2 form entry and there is one teacher he really loves and who I know would "get" him if that makes sense and one who he really doesn't like (and I have no idea why and he can't explain it either!). Incidentally the teacher who he loves is what I would call a stricter teacher so it's definitely not him looking for the easiest option.

He has got into his head that he has got the other teacher as a result of something which happened at school although no formal announcement has been made and he has been crying for the last 3 hours which is really unlike him and refusing to go to school in september where before he was really excited by it.

School have always said before when other people have asked that they do not allow children/parents to chose which teacher they have and I totally understand and respect this but it's breaking my heart seeing him so upset. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the other teacher...trust me I have spent all evening saying how nice she is and how in life you have to cope with things that aren't always what you want but this is actually really upsetting him and I just think it's completely daft to put a child in a class where he really doesn't want to be.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

I understand where you are coming from as I can imagine my DS being very much the same. He is older (11) but doesn't really do friends or fitting in but his teachers are important because he tends to gravitate towards adults rather than children when he wants to talk to somebody.

I understand too, the school saying they won't allow parents and children to dictate which class they go in. However, if it is a decent school I think you should be able to talk to them about this situation because clearly it matters a lot. Is the junior school linked to the infant school that your DS goes to now? One possibility would be to talk to his current teacher because there should be some sort of system for a hand over of information between the two schools. Clearly this is easier if the schools are linked but it should still happen even if they aren't. A suggestion about what teacher would suit your DS might also be better coming from his current teacher.

The other possibility is to go and talk to the head of the juniors. Be very diplomatic about not trying to tell her/him which class your DS should go in but ask how they think you should deal with it and whether they are prepared to tell you early which teacher your DS will have. Forewarned is fore armed and all that. Maybe it might be possible for your DS to have a little one-to-one session with the new teacher. Not long but just a bit more settling in time than the other children will get.

I do feel for you though. DS had a difficult transition to secondary last year due to lack of communication on the part of the secondary school so I can understand where you are coming from. It makes you feel a bit powerless really, doesn't it?

I have had this once, as a teacher , when a child in my class was really upset about the next year's teacher. Luckily mum spoke to me and I chatted to the boy myself and agreed that he would come and chat to the new teacher with me (at lunchtime). I knew the next teacher was lovely, but male and a bit loud, so thought we could probably sort it out. We had our chat and the child came away very happy. Had a great year and bonded really well with the teacher in the end. Communication really is the key.
Would definitely go in and talk to people at school, using the 'how can we help my child' approach- on the whole we don't like the idea of children being upset, really.

Your poor ds, must be awful seeing him so upset.

How does he know the Y3 teachers well enough to love and disklike them, has something happened with (or has he overheard something about) the one he dislikes? Is he picking up on your thoughts that the other teacher would be better for him?

Could you say to him he doesn't know the teachers well enough and needs to give them the chance to be his teacher before judging them and if there are any problems you can work them out together?

I would leave for a few days to sink in and if he is still really upset speak to the school, not to ask to get the other teacher, but just to make them aware of how upset he is and if they can do anything to help - in ds's school the kids have a great relationship with the HT and DHT, maybe your ds would tell them what the problem is, or, maybe they can arrange for the new teacher to talk to him/spend time with his class and see if that helps.

Thank you! I just feel so sorry for him. He's such a good boy and doesn't make a fuss about anything at school but this really matters to him and I can't sort it out.

Yes the Junior School is linked to the Infant School but from what he has said I actually think the classes have been decided so I very much doubt they will change anything now. We've been really lucky so far in that we've all the teachers he really wanted but now when it really matters so to speak when he is changing school it goes wrong!

He adores his teacher at the moment so might have a word and see what she says...I can see it would make sense for him to go with the teacher he wants as it would help him but obviously they have their own reasons for choosing classes.

Thank you so much for replying...just needed some perspective on whether I was being a bit precious or not! Im quite tough on him with most things but this matters to him so much that it's awful seeing him so upset.

They have spent several days with the current Y3 so I can only assume he's worked it out from there. If it was the other way round...in that he wanted the less strict teacher (I can't think of another way to word it!) then it would make more sense but I honestly have no idea why he prefers the other one and when I asked him he just says he doesn't know.

They've got a transfer day coming up when they usually find out classes so he'll get to spend some time with her then...and I must stress she is lovely and I have no issues with her at all. I do think having met both of them that the one he likes would "get" him more but have said nothing to him about it.

Honestly this parenting lark doesn't get easier does it?!

Dd1 was devastated to find out her year 4 teacher. Nothing I could say made a difference, she was really worried about having a male teacher. She gelled with the teacher very quickly and even admitted she didn't know what she had worried about.

Just because they're worried at this stage doesn't mean it will actually be a problem.

ihearttc

There could be another reason why your DS has been placed with the other teacher. The likelihood with 2 forms is that there will be some streaming (so possibly a split of pupils based on SATs scores).

I realise it may mean your DS doesn't get the teacher he'd like - but it may mean he gets the teaching better directed to his level.

I also think that many who suggest he may find he likes the teacher in the end - are likely to be correct. It's a good opportunity to teach him that everybody deserves a chance and for him to realise that it can't always go his way.

HTH

If he does get the undesirable teacher, can you put the 'she chose you' spin on it?

I don't think he'd fall for that ripsishere although it'd be fantastic if he did...he's 7 going on about 47 sometimes in the way that he thinks!

Thank you pastsellbydate-I hadn't actually thought of that but yes it's definitely possible that its to do with SATS scores and I assume general ability as well? I know full well that in the end he will like the other teacher and we've had lots of talk previously about not always getting what he wants and to get to know people before making judgements etc but this seems so different. He is genuinely distressed by it which is really unlike him...he's quite a stoical little boy who doesn't get upset easily at all (in fact I can't remember him ever getting upset about school/friends etc)-he takes everything in his stride which is why I suppose Im fighting his corner so to speak on this one.

I just wish I knew what was bothering him so much about the other teacher but if he won't tell me there isn't much I can work on!

Thanks to everyone for all your help-really good to get another perspective on things!

I am a teacher and last year when one of my current pupils found out i was going to be his teacher he burst into tears and was very dramatic saying that he thought I didn't like him and it would be terrible. Fast forward to now he has had a great year, is much more emotionally mature and we have a very good positive relationship. I am saying this so that whilst you obviously should comfort and reassure your ds, I would not react to it too much and try and 'fix' this for him. In all likelihood it will be absolutely fine!

Thought Id just update in case anyone was remotely interested!

All the worrying and stressing he did was for nothing lol! Class lists were given out this week and the teacher he didn't want (and I still have no idea why!) has been moved elsewhere in the school and DS1 is in a class with a NQT who happens to be a man. To say he is over the moon is an understatement so it's lovely to see him so happy.

ah, that's really nice. I read this before and it is nice to have an update!

ihearttc

Glad to hear it's all worked out. Good luck to your DS & you next year! Have a good summer (hopefully the sun will come out).