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Primary education

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Flip

Original poster

Other parent spying on DD and I

13 replies

twinkletoes12 · 14/06/2012 21:58

Ex and I split up, have been for 6 months now. He has no access currently, due to previous abuse Mental and physicalm and the fact he isnt asking for it and ran off with the woman he walked out on us for, 160 miles away.

Recently I have been informed by a "friend" of ex's that a Father of a child in DD's class has been sending him info (our new address) and pictures of DD from events, in class (photos taken my teachers) and assemblies.
I have told the school, they have been ... sympathatic but not so helpful tbh. I get the feeling they are worried I am going to take this futher so no pictures can be taken by parents and so they are tip toeing round me trying not to drop themselves "in it" or something.

I am against the pics being sent to him and the info. He doesnt care to be in their lives, and he wouldn't be getting access if its down to me either after everything he has put DC through.
I don't wish to stand on the playground kicking off with the "spy" but I am not happy either with what he has done. I tried to message him on facebook, but either he has ignored it, or he hasnt checked his "others" box.

Where do I stand, what would you do please?

OP posts:

kid · 14/06/2012 22:01

If you are on speaking terms with the person sending the photos, I'd let them know that you know what they are doing and would like them to stop. If they refuse, let them know you will be taking further action and seeking advice.

I don't know if there is anything you can do, but it might be enough to scare them off.

ledkr · 14/06/2012 22:07

Im pretty sure that he is breaking the law taking pics of kids without permission from parent. Id report him to the police and dont say anything that you know about him.Cheeky sod.

LoopyLoopsCorgiPoops · 14/06/2012 22:13

Crikey. How did you find out?

mummytime · 14/06/2012 22:13

I second telling the police, it is an offence, but even just a police "word" might stop him.
If anyone was taking pictures of my kids without permission (and I don't mean the odd snap at a B'day party etc, but targeted photos of my kids) I would report to the police.

TheProvincialLady · 14/06/2012 22:16

This man is an idiot in so many ways, isn't he? I wouldn't like to be a bloke taking photos of other people's kids these days.

I would also contact the police for advice and yes, perhaps they will have a word with him. It's not like you haven't given him a chance - he chose not to respond to your facebook contact.

Original poster

twinkletoes12 · 14/06/2012 22:20

my ex's friend told me.
This parent I don't get on with much... alot of rifts between us, mostly down to ex's action before he left, and the fact I asked them to speak to their daughter smacking mine.. but thats a whole other issue.
So no, we dont speak, and I am afraid there will be a fall out if I speak to him about it, and I dont really want to get into a heated discussion/arguement on the playground.
I didn't really want to go to the police, but I think I may have too.
I have written a letter to the school removing my consent of DD having her pics taken unless its with named friends, whose parents I trust and have friendships with.
I wonder if the school would be willing to set up a meeting between parent and myself, so I can explain why I am against this, and the risks he is putting us in?

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 14/06/2012 22:23

it isn't illegal for someone to take pictures of a child, sorry.

I would be far more angry about info like the new address being passed on though (how does he even know this?)

PooPooInMyToes · 14/06/2012 22:26

Gosh that's shocking!

Original poster

twinkletoes12 · 14/06/2012 22:30

He may have over heard my DD showing her friends the back garden, (we are VERY close to the school, theres one fence between us) or seen us walking home.
I am very angry, just trying to control that as I don't know what action to take/ where I stand etc.

OP posts:

TheCrackFox · 14/06/2012 22:45

I have no practical advice but just wanted to say it sounds very creepy indeed.

BeingFluffy · 15/06/2012 11:15

I would speak to the school and ask them to enforce a ban on photographs (I know a case where a child has been adopted without parental consent and they have banned photos but not told the parents why). Also tell them that you are going to the police. The school should not be allowing this. I think they should have called the police and banned the parents from the premises. They are putting your child and you in danger. I think they should speak to the parents direct and tell them they will contact the police if any more pics are taken on school premises. I would also ask them to ban the parents from the premises.

Go to the police and tell them what is going on. Isn't there a law against stalking now? The police can at least talk to them and frighten them off.

Is there any option to move school or address?

TheProvincialLady · 15/06/2012 13:15

Surely it is harassment? I would definitely get the advice of the police, and complain in the strongest possible terms to ths school.

DeWe · 15/06/2012 13:45

I think the problem is you're going to struggle here for legal support.

What your ex will probably say (and may even have told the friend) that you're refusing access and even refusing to send photos. If you're not careful you could look like the bad guy refusing even photos to the loving father.

I have been in the situation where a parent who couldn't make an assembly/sports day etc. has asked me to take a photo for them (no issues other than working though) and I think legally this would probably be viewed in the same light.

It could be even that the other chap hasn't been asked to do it, but has thought he would want them and has done it without being asked by your ex.

Unless he has got a restraining order or something on him, then I doubt the police can do anything other than advise. It may be worth logging it with them, particularly if you have had DV issues with him.

Could you do something like send him an email, stating you know this is happening and that you would like the other chap to stop taking photos, and you will send him a photo of dc at events? He'll probably refuse or not answer and then you may have more of a case, as you have evidence that you are being more than reasonable in dealing with him.

I'm not sure that the school banning photos will make much difference. the sort of person that does this is the sort of person who'd get out their camera anyway and ignore it.

Might be worth asking in legal for the legal situation.

Flip