c of e primary an option but *loathe* C of E, what to do?

[agonisingantiphon]

I namechanged for this one, obviously!

I live in a difficult part of London where some of the primary schools are not all you might hope for. I have a DS, 3 coming up 4.

Some context: I am on the very margins of the catchment of a state primary I would be happy with, but these margins vary from year to year, of course. Another primary near me is failing, head teacher locked in a bitter dispute with the local authority.

My very nearest primary is C of E. The head teacher is good, school improving.

Entry criteria - you have to attend the local C of E church for at least six months prior to submitting application.

I went to (a nonconformist) church as a child but am not religious now.

I've always disliked the idea that people go to church to get their child into a certain school.

However, after some internal debate I decided to suck it up and went to church for the first time in maybe 30 years on Sunday evening.

As former nonconformist I found the whole C of E experience ... well, just wrong! (for lots of reasons, didn't like the distant vicar, the liturgy, the smells and bells etc)

When I got home I checked the school entry criteria again, wondering whether the local Methodist church (i.e. no smells and bells) would do just as well. It won't - those who attend 'other' churches are No 4 or 5 on the list of criteria.

For the last few days I have been debating with myself whether I can live with being a C of E hypocrite for the sake of this pleasant, nearby primary.

Then I switch on the radio this morning and the first thing I hear is that the C of E has declared, as part of the current Govt consultation on gay marriage, that it's against.

I can understand why C of E is taking this position but I wholly disagree.

I don't think, if I've been to church just the once and I am agonising this much about this abstract dilemma (well, abstract for me, anyway) that I should continue with this C of E experiment, do you?

Or should I just continue to suck it up, keep on going?

Insights from other inner city church-going non-believers appreciated :)

I help at a lovely school, which I know lots of parents have fought to keep their kids away from. I wouldbe quite happy to send my kids there, although less happy about the local senior school.

I sympathise. But those of us who are not prepared to fake belief in order to work this ridiculous system should stand together. Parents engage in shameless scaremongering about the deficiencies of non-church schools to make themselves feel better about embracing a church they hitherto had no interest in. If enough of us resist we can ensure non-church schools have a good, mixed intake.

I really want to see a box on application forms to tick that says 'I'm not religious and I wasn't prepared to lie about it.' Ticking it would give you extra points for non-denominational schools. Why on earth not?

Our area is similar, local c of e is the best, I have decided not to go to the church. Could not bring myself to do it. Dodgy school down the road it is. It seems that a lot of kids in our area are being allocated no place AT ALL at the moment which has put a new perspective on our concerns!

Having a look again at this thread this morning, thanks everyone.

Yes, Elpis in the cold light of day I agree with you. I love the idea of that box on the forms.

I just read this clever comment piece on the CofE gay marriage story from today's Guardian which might interest some (and made me feel better)
www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/jun/12/marriage-church-state-gay-disestablish

Have name-changed too. I am the inner city church-going non-believer you mentioned in your OP so I know exactly where you are coming from. There are no non-church schools in my area at all (inner city London) - so you either go to church or you come last on the list of priority for every single school and I was not going to let that happen.

The church I go to is also very high church c of e. It surprised me - incense, Hail Marys even. But one thing I like about it (or at least don't object to as much as I thought I would) is that it's actually quite liberal in terms of its theology. No one going on about homosexuality or being unhappy about women priests. We don't have any women priests but I get the feeling it wouldn't be a problem. I think this is because most of the clergy are natural Catholics but can't take the papal edicts (I think they are all gay, basically, and are content in the high C of E which seems to give them a bit of a safe haven). That's my theory on it anyway. As a result, there is little hostility to different lifestyles or choices and I like that. I am a single parent so that works for me.

I once went to a choir festival at a different CofE church and I was horrified by the sermon which was all ranting and raving about abortion and gays. I couldn't sit through that week after week but thankfully I haven't had to at this church.

So from my pov, that has been a surprise on the upside. On the downside, I don't enjoy it, don't believe in it, find it tiresome. I don't have any issues about hypocrisy though. I do not have any choice since there are no local non church schools and since I pay for the local schools I am certainly going to use them.

I guess my message is, if you can stand it, suck it up. I've made some good friends actually. I would still do away with it if I could but overall it's been tolerable.

Whatever you do, bear in mind ofsted means NOTHING!!!!

...from bitter experience.