Tuesday night DD broke down and said she had something to tell me, but was scared I was going to be angry.
On the last day of term, before they went to the rec for sports day, she had been hauled before the head and berated for 'bullying' a boy in her class. The HT went further, saying that she had always thought DD was a nice girl, but now she could see that they got it wrong and she was a nasty little bully, and that they were ashamed of her, and that it was going on her permanent record which would go to her secondary school.
She initially asked if she knew why she was there, and then commented that she looked guilty, so she must know.
At no time did she ask DD for her side of the story. She made DD write an apology to the boy. DD then spent the lunch hour crying in the cloakroom. One of DDs friends was also accused of the same, and told much the same as DD. A further friend (who has never spoken a word out of place to anyone in the entire history of her schooling) was also accused of bullying a different boy, who is constantly at the point of being told he will be excluded due to extreme violence and terrible language. None of these girls were asked their side of the story.
The background to this is that the boy in question joined the school a few weeks before Christmas, and from the start he has been obnoxiously rude to most of the girls, plus a few of the boys, and the school in general. I have spent the last 7 months listening to DD telling me that he has said this and that to her, some of which is pretty nasty, and I have told her to ignore him, to tell him to get lost, to walk away, etc. Being year 6, and all a bit big for their boots now they dont tend to go running to the teachers unless there is anything reaLLY nasty or it gets physical, and ever since DD was bullied in years 1-3 we have encouraged her to try to stand up for herself if ignoring or walking away dont work, so she has told him to get lost or to grow up on occassion.
3 weeks ago they all moved around in class, and this boy was sat opposite her. Every day he has been kicking her under the table, and calling her an f retard, and a spazz. she has a medical condition, and she hasnt been too bright the last couple of weeks, so I told the teacher that she was a bit precious (the drugs she takes really take it out of her and some strong ones can make her a bit edgy) The SN teaching assistant had been on her table with another child for 3 days a week, and she had told this boy to stop, and to leave DD alone. Seems that on Friday the teacher wasnt there, the boy started up and DD lost it, and said a few ripe words to him.
Now DD knows that maybe she shouldnt have sworn at him (he went running straight to the head) but it seems to me that DD wasnt gien the opportunity to explain, and no one spoke to the TA who could have authenticated DDs story.
I think the HTs reaction was completely OTT, and DD is devastated that she wasnt given a fair hearing, and that this is going on her record. I spoke to DP this evening and he is furious. He wasnts the HT to apologise to DD and to ensure that the record is clean. DD has never been in trouble, she has always been commented on her good behaviour - she is a peer mediator and a popular girl. She's no angel, but she is not a mean child, and certainly not a bully. She lost her temper, yes, but only after months of provocation. And some of the stuff he has said is really unpleasant, especially given that she IS registered as disabled......
They were told to keep away from the boy, but at sports day he kept following them round and trying to sit where they were so that if the HT saw them they would get into trouble for being near him. In the end they went to their other TA and asked if they could sit with him, and for him to keep this boy away from them.