As always, the Americans are way ahead of us:
This is the answering machine message the Pacific Palisades High School (California) Staff voted to record on their school telephone answering system.
This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.
This was voted unanimously by the office staff as the actual answering machine message for the school:
"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting the right staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection:
To lie about why your child is absent, <strong>press 1</strong>
To make excuses for why your child did not do his work, <strong>press 2</strong>
To complain about what we do, <strong>press 3</strong>
To swear at staff members, <strong>press 4</strong>
To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you, <strong>press 5</strong>
If you want us to raise your child, <strong>press 6</strong>
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone, <strong>press 7</strong>
To request another teacher for the third time this year, <strong>press 8</strong>
To complain about bus transportation, <strong>press 9</strong>
To complain about school lunches, <strong>press 0</strong>
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework, and that it's not the teachers' fault for your children's lack of effort ... hang up and have a nice day!"
The original version ended "If you want to hear this message is Spanish, sneak back to Mexico", but I can't find that one anywhere on the net.