HT of DDs school has annoyed me so much

[shocked1]

DD turned 5 a month ago. For the first part of the school year she was very poorly with recurrent ear infections and every other bug going. As a result she ended up missing quite a lot of school - not something me or DH were happy about. On a couple of occasions, after bouts of illness we took her to school and she vomited so of course we were then asked to keep her off again for 48hrs. Repeated visits to GPs resulted in antibiotics that didn't seem to work.

Anyway, for the last few months her health has been much better and so has her attendance.

But yesterday the HT of the school summoned me to her office and gave me a total ear bashing in which she claimed to not belief my daughter could have been so ill 'without some referral to a consultant'. She also said that we are at risk of a fine of over £1000 and could face a criminal record as a result of DDs poor attendance (85%).

The thing is I work as a teacher myself and I know that this HT is probably only kicking off about this now as she has to submit her stats.

I made an effort to be exceptionally polite, deferential and to fully explain the health issues my daughter had had. Also pointed out that we had always followed school procedure by phoning the attendance line first thing.

I'm just so cross about the way the stupid woman talked to me. She was so rude, insensitive and frankly insulting to imply we would keep our daughter off school for the wrong reasons. Also my daughter only had a statutory legal need to be at school since a month ago anyway- since when her attendance has been 100% because she hasn't been ill

Woops, posted too soon.

Should I email the HT to express my annoyance or just leave it? It's been annoying me more and more since seeing her yesterday. TIA.

Don't email. Too hasty. Write a letter and then read it again in 5 days. If it still sounds reasonable, send it then.

I'm glad you've asked if you should email her, because, yes, I think you should.

You realise the HT is following procedure, speaking to parents whos DC have had over a certain amount of time off, but the way she has gone about it, for want of a better word has been crap.

I would write her a letter explaining that if the school telephone asking you to pick up your dd as she is sick you will be operating a procedure which has to be signed by the head teacher before you are willing to take your dc home sick. Send her a word document of the form you will be wanting her to sign - as this will be used in evidence if this is ever taken to court

Make sure you put the ball back well and firmly in their court -they called you to take vomiting child home and now threaten you like bullies

Silly woman!!! Can sympathise as DS also gets ear infections and then vomited after one just recently. Also got silly letter about his attendance in Autumn term (when it was worst), but think it was just procedure- luckily no telling off by HT! I would write a letter, sit on it for a few days, re-read it, then hand it in to the school. Keep it polite but firm. She needs to know she was out of line. Perhaps I would send it to the governors too. Grrrrrrrrrrr!

Thanks for the replies. Ivykaty, that's a good point. I wish I'd thought of asking her if it was documented that school had witnessed the vomiting in two separate occasions and therefore asked for her to stay away each time for 48hrs. I also doubt she has children herself as she seemed to have zero empathy for how susceptible they can be to every bug going. Bit odd for a HT not to 'get' that. Hmmm...I probably won't email her as I really do not want any negativity attached to DD. Yesterday I think I did a good hod of trying to kill her with kindness whilst standing my ground. Ironically I was considering standing as a parent governor. Now I don't know, although actually maybe it would be a good way to attempt to temper this woman's evident power crazy tendencies. But I wonder if she could veto me now she seems to have us down as a 'problem family'?

HTs have no say at all in who becomes a parent governor. She can't veto you.

She can however be a totally b through and through and make you regret sending your DD to her school......

In the school I teach in myself the management seem really concerned about parent governors - always wanting them to approve fully of everything. If anything they almost seem to have too much potential power (the governors). However as HT is brilliant and school is a happy one, there aren't really any problems. I actually had a really good impression of the HT of DD's school until yesterday. I do think she's probably sound in many ways (e.g. She's very big on inclusion). I think she made assumptions about us though, purely from the attendance record which were misplaced and inappropriate. I still may do the governor thing, not to be a thorn in her side but because I want to be involved and support DD.

You should take it as a good example of how not to speak to parents when you are a headteacher without knowing all the facts.

When I first stood as a parent governor, there was only one other person in the running. The HT attempted to persuade one other parent to stand & she told this parent she would be her no1 supporter & ensure she won & she didn't want me to win because I would cause disruption. I know this because the parent told me how horrified she was! I eventually won the vote by a landslide which was great for my ego & the HT was right, I wouldn't tolerate her dictating to the governing body & questioned everything. So yes, a HT can attempt to stop you winning a vote, but if you want to go for this role I think you should. Schools need people like you.
As for what you should do about the sickness situation, give it a few days & then speak to the HT again telling her how unhappy & unprofessional you felt she was.

Surely if your daughter has only recently turned five she didn't have to attend school at the beginning of this school year?

Just send her back still actively vomitting in future, OP. Even if it is less than 48 hours. Tell the staff you have to send her back soon because you've been threatened directly by HT with a £1000 fine. Your hands are tied

Hi I'm a primary HT... Just to clarify a few points AFAIK... If you accept a school place your child's attendance will be monitored even if they are below statutory school age. 85% is the new cutoff for Persistent Absence (used to be 80%) so they school will have that as a key indicator in their data set for Ofsted so they will need to minimise the number of children who are in that group and be seen to be taking action (not that that excuses your being spoken to rudely OP) but the LA have probably told all their HTs to be on the case with regard to PA stats. Absence stats get submitted for the 5 half terms from Sept to May so that's why the HT was on the alert yesterday as she's just sent it in and realised maybe it doesn't look good. Good news for her is that as long as she keeps good records she can demonstrate to LA and Ofsted that over 6 half terms (I.e stats fromSept to July) will be better . Also your DDs attendance will improve and over the year won't be in the PA category.

Anyway, none of that makes it Ok for the HT to have been rude, but you handled it well, so in the long term maybe let it go? As an issue for you it will go away as you say as your DD is now attending well.

We had this for years despite dd having been diagnosed with a chronic condition by at least 5 different paediatricians and all evidence being submitted to the school.

Basically, you can't win over a HT with that kind of attitude; if they get frustrated and are the kind that take their frustration out on the innocent, then that's the kind of person they are. Most of us couldn't treat vulnerable clients or students or customers or whatever that way however much pressure we were under, but not all people are the same. You're not going to change them.

What you can do, is to make sure you don't get taken for a ride: do what ivykate says about procedure to be operated if the child is ill in school, get your GP to write in your support explaining the circumstances (you will probably have to pay a small sum for this), keep a record of exactly what happens with your dd's health and any transaction you have with the school. The one thing I regret is not having had my paperwork in better order. Oh and if there is an ongoing problem, make sure you contact the Education Welfare Officer and get them on your side.

IMHO ivykates solution is going to escalate the situation. Very unlikely the HT will agree or sign anything without permission of LA etc. And it is the LA regs that have made the Ht challenge you about the absence already (albeit insensitively).

If the Ht is otherwise pretty good and you and your DD are generally happy then I'd go for a quiet word some time in the future along the lines of how you were hurt by the manner of the questioning though you understand the HT has to check etc. That's your best bet for getting an apology from the Ht, I reckon.

How can it escalte the situation when the head teacher is threatening courts, criminal records for the OP and fines - what is the OP supposed to do? Lie down and so oh yes when you ring I will pick up my dd and then you can take me to court, get me a criminal record.

This isn't about a sorry from the ht it is about not being bullied by a ht.

The forms don't have to be signed anyway - you can easily record messages on mobile and keep them - so if the school telephones you keep the message and let them know that as procedure.

You need to watch your own back otherwise you will be up the creek without a boat or a paddle, no one wants a criminal record

christinecagney - the 85% absence is interesting. 6 years ago when DS1 was school refusing it was 75%. Nobody was going to "do anything" until his attendance was less than 75% over the whole year.

I agree, you can't win over a HT with that attitude, while others are happy to turn a blind eye and not support the family.

Lynette til recently it was 80% now 85%. This year the data set (RaiseOnline) shows both but 85 will be used as the marker in future. and it can be actioned in the LA I am in after 10 weeks of cumulative 85%.

Ivykate the first action that the LA will have asked the Ht to take is an informal meeting with the parent to draw their attention to the situation and the possible consequences. It sounds that the meeting itself was badly handled but in itself the information is correct. It would have been better to have offered support etc but as the op says her DD attendance is improving so nothing more will come of it. It hasn't even got as far a letter from the HT or EWO involvement so it's a situation suitable for de-escalating, the op writing letters etc moves it to a more formal situation, and one in which she may not come off best, because the facts are against her at this point I.e her child has low attendance at this point... By the end of July her % will be better and the issue will go away.

Op has your DD absence been authorised or not by the school? Did the HT say she wouldn't authorise anymore without medical evidence? If its all been authorised then don't worry, if school were really concerned they would stop authorising it IMHO. Ask for a full print out for the year so far so you can check there are no admin errors ( not unknown)

Hi all again, ChristineCagney all the absences were authorised. However HT said any future ones must be covered with a sick note. That's fine with me. I would not keep DD off unless she was sick and I'm happy to provide evidence to keep HT off back. I really hope there won't be any more this year any way and DD seems far healthier and stronger now. All my instincts are to de-escalate the situation as I only want positive associations with DD within the school. However I still remain slightly shocked and upset by HT's aggressive and accusatory tone - it was pretty bizzare to say the least. Something seems wrong in a system that makes HTs so stressed about such STATS that they cannot see beyond them to the real experiences of children. My DD is an enthusiastic keen child who enjoys school and we are parents who want to support her and the school. Yet we feel that a cloud has been placed over us and her by association because we were trying to do our best for her (and incidentally for others who could have picked up many of the numerous bugs she had in addition to the eat infection).

As a footnote though I do wonder if this whole episode demonstrates a weird side to the HT. As I say up until this stuff, I liked and rated her. However, DH and I couldn't help laughing at the haranguing paragraphs to parents she puts in the newsletters. They always say something like 'Some parents have been behaving very selfishly and letting down our community by parking badly outside school...' i mean she has a point, but the tone is just so hilariously like she's addressing a load of 6 year olds. Well I thought it was hilarious til I was on the direct end of the haranguing....I guess she missed out at charm school. God only knows what she's like to work for...

I meant to add, she gave me a print out of the record. Unfortunately I don't actually know if it's correct as most of the absence was the winter term / beginning of Spring and memory fails me and stupidly I didn't keep a record.

Cory, so sorry to hear of your experience as well.

Op AFAIK LA can't act if school have authorised as that means school agree that you kept your child off for good reason. HT may have been reprimanded for over-authorising without sick notes as proof or something... Sounds like she has passed her stress on to you which isn't great though.

haranguing parents in newsletters... Yes some schools go in for that! Doesn't work of course for the reasons you have said. however, maybe she is great with kids and rubbish with adults.... Sorry for typos IPad playing up

Hi christinecagney, that's very interesting and makes real sense. I suspect someone has been getting at her from the way she was. I think also there are probably some genuinely difficult parents at our school (but I really don't consider us to be!). Whenever I've seen her interacting with kids she has seemed very good. Although I've also seen her shouting at kids for lapses in uniform in an extremely scary way. At parents' information evenings she has communicated a real passion and ambition for the school. She's charasmatic and very strong and driven. So although I think she misjudged her meeting with me I want to give her the benefit of the doubt (in contrast to how she dealt with us!!). Thanks for all the helpful comments.