Disorganised Year 4 boy - what can be done?

[Ladymuck]

Untidy and unorganised.

Have a major issue in terms of "things" including homework coming to and from school. The main issue is that homework hasn't been getting marked as he hasn't found it in his bag when it is due to be handed in. (Homework has been done and is in bag, just not taken out of bag again). Today school rang as he had no PE kit. Went to school and opened bag to discover PE kit.

School say it is his responsibility, so tough. Am feeling rather frustrated (but too fragile to post this in AIBU). I would like the school to either pull up ds2 when work isn't handed in (and make him redo it), or to let me know (via homework diary) that it hasn't been handed in. The school view that by Year 4 they shouldn't have to do this (which I sympathise with, but surely ds2 needs to get some work done and marked?).

I know that his stuff all goes to school (we have a checklist as what he needs does vary by day, and he is not my only child).

I can check that he has the correct stuff taken to school, and i can check when I pick him up that he takes home what is needed. Any thoughts on what else I can do?

My son's 13 and he's like this. I ask him when I collect him whether he's handed everything in. It's very tedious but it helps. People with dyspraxia are disorganised. They are also clumsy. Ring any bells?

Clumsy isn't the word. In a bit of a daydream possibly.

My DD2 was like this in Yr 4 but has got better now she is in year 6

Yr 4 was when she moved from Pre-Prep to Prep and the school had the same atitude as yours.

She also use to "loose" things...eg sports kit
I tried to get her to take responsibility herself and created a chart at home that said - Today is Monday - what do I need to take to school. This included things like "Completed Science Prep" and "signed homework diary".
Today is Monday - what do I need to do when I get to school - eg sports kit in changing rooms, clarinet in music block, hand in Science Prep, etc etc
This section I reproduced smaller and she kept it on her blazor. I also used to remind her what she had to do when we got to school just before she got out of the car.

She is much improved throughout year 6 but it did take over a year for me to see a big improvement.

The bad news is that she was diagnosed as being midly dyslexic in April this year .

We just now need to work on organising her thoughts so that her end of year exams recognise her true ability!

AT DS's school they are expected to take their bag into the classroom and empty everything onto the desk. They then put things where they should be. Could you suggest this to your DS? At least he would find the homework (which would hopefully remind him to give it in), could put PE kit on his peg etc.

We also have a list at home as to what he needs to take to school each day (e.g Tuesday is school library books). By the side is an extra lists of one off items for any given day. I tell him he must check the list every morning (and then I double check).

Thanks. We do the list from home to school, but I guess a list that he can take to school would help too - that sounds like a good suggestion.

Just read the bbc health page on dyspraxia, and actually he ticks the list for lots of things such as poor handwriting, difficulty in organising a story, speech delay, avoids Games, difficulty in riding a bike etc. But would a label help (as there doesn't look to be a cure!)?

In some cases, a label does help as he'll be able to get the support that he needs. The school should be far more understanding as they will know that this isn't something that he can control. The occupational therapists can give you and your son strategies to help him. I imagine he gets flustered when his head isn't in the clouds, I know my son does. They can really help.

hmm . How easily does he do the work ? Is he a perfectionist or is it poorly laid out, runs out of space, scruffy ... is he proud of it or embarrassed and not wanting to have it marked? I agree the school should check where it is and sanction or notify you if not forthcoming.

ds is dyspraxic and poor organisation both in terms of remembering and sorting himslef out and the quality of the work were definite traits - good ideas but poor presentation and handwriting. However using checklists, timetable, diary prompts, and having a system of where things go (in the bag etc) made a huge difference. Now at 14 is far more self-organised than 10yo dd - heaven help her come September ! - and he uses a laptop but even his handwiriting has improved.

If he can access an OT, even for just a few sessions, and maybe get an EP report then a label is worthwhile. It certainly helped ds in terms of confidence, to have someone believe he was bright in spite of his difficulties, and he also gets extra time in assessments/exams as well as use of a laptop. That means he finds it far easier to express the volume of ideas in his head and has the opportunity to check. Team sports still a no-no but copes ok when he has to play (he can often opt out of competitive sport at school) and has found a niche in other activities.

His teacher queried whether he was hiding his work as it is poorly laid out. He's happy to read out his work, less happy with how it looks, but isn't a perfectionist.

How would I access help? We have BUPA (or PPP). LIZS when did your ds get to use a laptop, and will he be able to for exams?

He's using it for the internal exams this year (the essay style ones) and has to say how he is using the extra time. Whether that means it may be reviewed again before GCSE I'm not sure. Also he used it for CE and 13+ Entrance last year on the recommendation of private EP's report.

You can self refer to a private OT or EP (school may have some suggestions) or go through your GP but ime the NHS and LA aren't very interested in privately educated kids . Not sure how much BUPA/PPP will cover but worth a try.The NHS waiting list for OT can be very long (ds waited 18 months) and he was soon taken off the list for hands-on sessions as he was functionally ok.

oh and he started touch typing lessons, at school, in about year 4/5.

Ladymuck:

Dyspraxia/ Dyscalcula/ Dyslexia are all spectrum order learning disabilities which can range from severe to mild and are hereditary - father to son, sometimes skipping a generation - and if both parents have gene, daughters can inheret. MIL who was a dyslexic therapist (now retired) said that usually when DD inherits dyslexia it will be toward the severe end.

Now there is no cure - this is a genetically inherited 'condition' which basically means you're wired differently from others. Interestingly at work we've been discussing whether it's 'throw-back' - as early man would not have required numeracy/ literacy skills and would have been a fairly awkward walker/ runner initially. They would have relied on quite literal recognition skills - that red berry with the funny white specks & five green leaves around the top (a wild strawberry) is safe to eat.

So down side - in today's world with lots of written text, lots of calculating, emphasis on athleticism - these conditions can be a hindrance - however they do mean that you have a highly original and creative way of thinking about things.

DH is severely dyslexic with a spelling age of a 7 year old, no ability to organise himself, no short-term memory whatsoever for conversations - BUT he has near perfect photographic recall. If he were foraging in the woods for survival of himself and his tribe, he'd be the one to follow about because he'd remember which plants are edible and spot them first. For work now, he uses that photographic memory but he was lucky enough to find a specialty that required it and colleagues that supported him developing this skill.

Now my advice is to raise this with the school and ask if he could be assessed - this is usually free and would help with school's frustrations (most likely) with his performance as well.

Diagnosis isn't a label - and as you rightly said there's no cure - but it is recognition of the condition and ultimately will allow for GCSE, AS & A-Level assessments to take this into consideration (i.e. extra 15 minutes for every hour of testing, someone to transcribe script, permission to type answers, etc....). This will also apply at University level.

In terms of remembering what to do - that is what an ink pen and the back of the hand were designed for. So have him get into the habit of writing PE Kit on the back of his hand (or whatever is important that day) - as his hand is very likely to be with him the entire day. He may be slow to remember to hand in homework first thing, but he will eventually look down and see the reminder.

Ultimately there will come a point where that writing on hand thing is embarrassing - that's when having a diary (or using a mobile phone diary/ note maker) could come in.

Finally - once diagnosed (if this is the condition) there is a lot of support for coping with the condition and developing strategies to function amongst all these 'normals'. However, please, please remember that the belief is that people with these conditions are working 1/3 again harder than us 'normals' - and therefore need down time to recharge those batteries.

HTH

Thinking about this a little more , I wonder if the not handing in homework and "loss" of pe kit is an avoidance strategy for things he knows he isn't good at and may have had negative coments from his classmates or even staff (sports teachers in particular are known for their dismissal of such conditions even when diagnosed ). As such the school needs to be more strict with him but at the same time recognise that he may need positive recognition for small achievements in these areas. Is that within the culture of the school do you think ?

Just came on to sympathise - but mine is in YR 5! He's pretty good when it comes to homework and school stuff as we really focussed on getting that organised at the beginning of this school year with check sheets etc - just like you're doing (handwriting pretty dreadful still) But, oh my god!, sooo frustrating when it comes to small everyday stuff.... disappearing off to do something only to re-emerge 20 mins later having forgotten, still needs reminding to blow his nose / wipe his face, walks in front of you or in a wiggly line all over the pavement, just general "in his own world" stuff.

Some of it is pretty normal 10 yr old , but it's very difficult when his (dyslexic) 7 yr old sister is more organised than him. And it makes me feel like I spend the entire time with him nagging / reminding / checking. It is exhausting.

Thanks guys. I think that I will see whether I can get a recommendation for an external appt from the senco - wil have to be next half term now (which is of course ridiculously short). I have to say that up until now I have just felt that this is typical boy stuff, but given that the school feel that he is not up to scratch with his self-organisation, we need to do something.

LIZS, certainly he would gladly opt out of games at all costs, though is happy with gym, pe and swimming. I find it hard to say whether some of the actions are deliberate avoidance or not. He is actually an incredibly compliant child, and usually very eager to please. But I think that he probably does take advantage of the amount of trust put in him as a result. Potentially the school would be supportive with a dx. Ds2 isn't one of the sports stars, but he isn't the only one, and actually seems quite happy in that. Up to this point my fear is that because he is a very sweet "well-behaved" child, he flies under the school's radar.

If nothing else it sounds as if there are some ideas which work for dyspraxic children which may also work for ds2, so it is worth looking at. Ds2 has a very good sense of balance, so doesn't seem too close to the one diagnosed child that I know. But looking at the list of symptoms on the BBC Health site, he did have delayed speech, difficulty in getting dressed, difficulty with using cutlery, poor handwriting, weak story writing, avoids games, can't tie shoe laces, poor handwriting, can''t remember instructions. In fact that only one thing on the list that doesn't tally is that he is reasonable at maths (we are a highly numerate household).

ds is a well behaved , compliant child, at least until now , and would have slipped under the radar had we not already got a report when we returned to UK and he went to Prep school at 7. It was still a battle to get staff on board though, one we gave up in some cases, and early preconceptions of his academic ability led to him being underestimated. Not so at the school he joined last September though - you know which ! If you go down a private EP route (and you may find you will have to wait until Summer holidays or beyond for a good one even if you booked now) ask if school will part fund. Also bear in mind that for 11+ entry exams you need to get extra time etc recommended around end of Year5.