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Original poster

Nervous ds and lack of information - can anyone tell me it will be ok

30 replies

shinybaubles · 29/05/2012 18:24

I am feeling nervous so is ds6. We are moving back to the UK in a few weeks and ds1 who is 6 and ds2 who is 2 and a bit will both be starting the same school in September. Ds1 has been to school here but they have been super small schools, and very loving and nurturing. I am a bit worried about them particularly ds1 settling into new school and everything being very different for them and me. Also have very little info about the school other than what is on the website, I know nothing about uniforms and when they should be bought etc, or what time school actually starts etc? Because he's nervous he's asking lots of questions. So when ds asks these thing I don't have the answers. Any tips would be very welcome.

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redskyatnight · 29/05/2012 18:49

I'd ring the school and ask if they have a pack they give to new parents that they can send you. Failing that they may well have a prospectus that will answer a lot of the practical type questions. Otherwise I'd suggest making a list of everything you want to know (and what DS wants to know) and asking them over the phone or emailing.

It's also worth asking about how they settle new children e.g. at DD's school new children are given a buddy for the first couple of weeks and an information pack about the school to fill in.

Tiggles · 29/05/2012 18:53

DS1 gets very nervous and asks lots of questions, when he moved schools mid year I took him to look around his new school before the half term holiday he was to start afterI had been home-edding him for 6months previously due to his anxiety in his old school. H The headteacher had been pre-warned he was anxious and was very happy when showing him around to answer ALL his questions, he found out that DS was interested in history and made sure he showed him where the history books were in the library, historical points of interest in the school etc.
Is there any chance you will be able to view the school before it closes for the holiday?
Otherwise, could you compose a list of his questions and email it to the school secretary?

Original poster
shinybaubles · 29/05/2012 18:57

Thanks redskyatnight they send out a joining pack but apparently it's quite delayed, and probably won't be out until the end of June. We will be in and out of the UK all summer so I feel like I will not be prepared.
I don't really want to bother the school and to be honest they're not that great on getting back on queries as, I raised an issue in April that's still not answered.
The only contact I have at the school is the school secretary and I don't want to hassle her she must have loads to do...

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Original poster
shinybaubles · 29/05/2012 18:59

LittleMissGreen - he has seen the school but that was at the begining of the year but I think he has forgotten most of it except what he ate for lunch that day - Roast chicken, and marble cake and custard and strawberries and melon Grin I think it's his best memory. But it would be great for him to have another look but I am aware they have to pull a teacher out of class to do that and feel reluctant to ask.

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JuliaScurr · 29/05/2012 19:02

youngminds.org were very helpful when dd had school anxiety problems

Original poster
shinybaubles · 29/05/2012 19:03

Thankyou Julia will have a look.

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UniS · 29/05/2012 19:07

do you know any parents who already have kids at that school? even a little bit? enough to ask about uniform?

check web page of local newspaper for archived articles about school events. You may have to dig past google front page stuff but it can be informative.

Original poster
shinybaubles · 29/05/2012 19:10

No UniS we know no one in the area, which is also perhaps why I am feeling a bit apprehensive. Quite ironic that I was desperate for the boys to get into this school and now I am nervous.Confused

Is the school secretary the right person to address these trivial but important questions? Hard to know..

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UniS · 29/05/2012 19:25

given your youngest will be starting there at same time, I'd be tempted to address queries to the teacher who will have your youngest. But if you don;t know who that is then the school administrator would seem sensible.

Original poster
shinybaubles · 29/05/2012 19:29

Thanks UniS - I don't know who either of the teachers will be. Is the school administrator the secret ary - I mean is that the same role? Thanks for the help btw.

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CurrySpice · 29/05/2012 19:34

Aww shiny I can understand that you're both nervous. Totally natural I would say.

Give the school a call. I'm sure they would be delighted to help. The secretary at my DDs' infant school were delightful.

Do you think they might let him join his class for the day before they break up? Just so he at least knows some faces when he gets there

Good luck. I'm sure it'll all go well

Original poster
shinybaubles · 30/05/2012 08:36

Thanks everyone I guess I will contact the school and see what info I can get from them. That's a good idea CurrySpice about going in for a day.

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CurrySpice · 30/05/2012 08:38

I'm full of it them Grin

I hope it all goes smoothly for you and him!

mummytime · 30/05/2012 08:56

I'm assuming this is a private school? If so be very aware over when term ends, but also have no doubts about hassling them for lots of info. Their website sounds a bit lacking.
You could also ask if there is anyone from the PTA or other experienced parent you could be put in touch with by email. They could answer little queries, and maybe even your kids could email. Just having one familiar face even if it's just from a photo could help a lot.

CurrySpice · 30/05/2012 09:01

Why do you assume that mummy?

Original poster
shinybaubles · 30/05/2012 09:20

mummytime you are right it is private - was a bit scared of mentioning that seeing as there are very many angry threads whenever private schools are mentioned. Do terms end earlier at private schools? Will have a look at website.

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NotSureICanCarryOn · 30/05/2012 09:30

shiny the school secretary is there to answer queries from parents. Being able to tell you at what time the day starts, asking about uniforms, where to get them etc... is part if her job and she should be able to tell you that straight away. These are very basic questions.

Visiting the school again is a very good idea.

I would also make a list of all the things you want to know before hand so that you don't forget anything next time you are there. In the mean time, you could just tell your ds 'that you don't know yet but when we are going to look at the school on such and such dates, we will ask and know then.'

Things you need to know:

  • uniform but also for PE (any special things for PE, are they swimming etc...)
  • start and finishing hours
  • school holidays
  • do they need a water bottle? (State school fro my dcs but they do need to have their own water bottle in class).

It will be OK :)

Tiggles · 30/05/2012 09:31

You might find they finish earlier than state schools. Private schools near here (secondary but assume primary will be similar) finish normally around 1st weekend in July.

Chrysanthemum5 · 30/05/2012 09:33

Ask if there is a list of the email addresses for parents in the class. Then send round an email explaining your ds is joining the class, and you'd really appreciate some playdates over the summer. Most people are very kind, and will offer and it will help your ds if he knows a few faces on his first day.

However, try not to worry. We moved ds to a new school when he was 6, and ds can be nervous about things. I worried endlessly about it all. His teacher told me later that it took him about 10 minutes to settle in on day one, and then he was fine.

PastSellByDate · 30/05/2012 09:33

Hi shinybaubles:

Are you moving back to the UK before July 20th? If so 3 ideas come to mind:

  1. Find out when the school Summer Fete will be and go along - it usually is a very family friendly event - it means you can meet some of the parents and maybe try and meet some of your DS's classmates for next year. (These events are usually open for everyone - but it would be wise to e-mail the school and let them know you'd like to come and ask if his teacher for next year will be there and what her name is so he can introduce himself).

  2. Find out if your DS can have another visit day to smooth the transition. There usually is a moving up day in the last half-term (June - July) where all the children go to their next class - perhaps your DS can join them. I'd e-mail the school, explain that your son is very nervous about moving school and wondered if he could join his new classmates for moving up day, to help smooth his transition to X Primary school.

  3. When you arrive in your new neighbourhood - as and when you're going to the park or walks with children try to be very outgoing and introduce yourself and your children to other parents - you're bound to meet people already at the school and may even meet potential classmates.

My main advice is that you must keep telling yourself that 6 weeks after he starts school you won't be worrying about this - you'll be worrying about his reading, his writing, his maths, whatever... - but definitely something else.

To smooth settling in - my advice is join some of the after school clubs (football, languages, computer clubs, etc...) and if he has an autumn birthday party push the boat out and invite as many children as you can. You can always do something very simple - like a party at your house with traditional games in the garden or can sometimes hire church or school halls. One very clever new Mum realised my DD2's birthday was close to her DD's, so she approached me about setting up a joint party. We hired a pool together and had a great splash party with 20 mermaids and mermen + parents.

Keep positive and relaxed for your son (even if you aren't on the inside). Check the website and find out what you can about the school and the uniform. Store up questions you'd like to ask parents there - like do they really need to buy the reversible raincoat with the school logo? (answer most likely probably not). What do you supply for PE Kit? Just bear in mind that there will be plenty of children in your neighbourhood going to that school, so you don't really have to work that hard to meet a few and find out more.

best of luck

Original poster
shinybaubles · 30/05/2012 09:43

Wow thanks for all the tips.
So I have to ask about;
school hours
uniform
the chance of ds going in for a day
pe kit
and find ways to meet other parents.

Pastsellbydate - yes we're moving in just under 4 weeks Grin I do not have a countdown running on my ipad that is an evil rumour GrinBlush. I do worry but try not to let it show as it will be his 3rd school in almost a year.

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Original poster
shinybaubles · 30/05/2012 09:45

Also I need to arange a tutor for ds as since we're coming from outside the UK he is behind in reading and writing, when we visited his school they said they would recommend one closer to the time or provide the work they wanted him to do. This was at the begining of the year, I asked about this again in April and they said they would let me know by May - but I still have no knews should I just find one of my own?

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mummytime · 30/05/2012 14:35

I wouldn't get too hung up on a tutor. You could join the local library summer reading challenge to encourage him to look at lots of books.
Private schools tend to have shorter terms and start to finish for the summer at the end of June onwards.

(I guessed because your little one is going to the same school, it could be a nursery class in a state school but he sounded young for that.)

PastSellByDate · 30/05/2012 15:18

Hi shinybaubles:

Just read your reply - school uniform, school hours & PE Kit should all be described in the school prospectus. Most schools will have a link from their web page. You may have to look under Our school or information for parents - but it will be there somewhere. Try entering school name and prospectus using Google - if it is a common name add area after school - so x primary school - leafy suburb - prospectus. IYSWIM.

Good luck with the move.

Original poster
shinybaubles · 30/05/2012 16:51

Yes he will be in the nursery you're right - mummytime.
Thanks PastSellByDate - they do have a parents section on website but it requires a password and login. Have emailed the school this morning so hoepfully will get a reply soon, but many thanks for the tips.

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