Rewards/Certificates - disheartened daughter!

[MrsTruper]

Daughter (yr 2) mentions every so often that so and so got a certificate for this and that and that she never gets anything etc etc. She get very disheartened by it, as she says she is trying her best and listening. I know she is one of the best behaved kids as the teacher has mentioned this to me. DD is one the youngest in the class, and the kids that seem to get the certs are all Autumn born.

I said to my daughter whether she knew what so and so had done 'better' than her to get a certificate and she never really knows why.

Is it unreasonable to expect the school reward system to be clearer so that kids know exactly what they need to do better next time? I presume the teacher must say "so and so gets a special certificate because she remembered to do X in her work, so if you all do X next time please"

Any advice?

I would mention it to the teacher and ask her how DD can earn one soon to encourage her. Pretty poor show if they aren't given out fairly equally and for all sorts of things, I used to flatshare with teachers and we used to sit round thinking of things they could give them out for so that all the kids got a look-in.

Yanbu. My experience is that schools are very arbitrary and secretive about this.

My daughter who is academic, quiet, well behaved and hardworking (ie. low maintenance for a teacher) usually gets overlooked for such awards.

My older son who is academic, loud and badly behaved in a low level way (talking back, daydreaming) wins more than his fair share. (Parents get invited to assembly when children win awards and I got invited every time)

My middle son who is academically average, quiet and well behaved gets around the class average for awards.

This annoys me too. Some teachers seem to hand the m out will nilly. DD2 has had about 10 this year already whilst dd1 didn't get any in the same year of school.

This is why our primary school doesn't reward anything.

I'd ask the teacher about it, politely!

I keep a tick list register in my diary of every reward I've given out to the children including star of the week, who has been a lunchtime helper, star charts.

It only takes me a few seconds to do and helps me see which quiet and sensible children I'm overlooking and also whether I'm leaving out naughty children just because it makes my life easier. Neither situation is ideal, as all children should be treated equally and given equal opportunities to shine.

Yes, mention it to teacher. Quiet hard workers get forgotten.

DD1 used to get them for all sorts of odd things. She's dyslexic and they rarely saw much on paper, so had to think of something else. She's a bit of a character and not easily forgotten.

DD1 hasn't had one for a bit, I think people were beginning to notice - oh shit merit assembly I gave X one for maths last week I'll give one to stars DD2 for literacy.

DD2 comes top in literacy without effort so I wish her teacher would reward her for something she has to work at.

The DC's schools have 2 sorts of certificates. The first is the "star of the week" type where basically every child is going to end up with one eventually over the year (but having got one once is unlikely to get one again). The second type is the certificate for doing "something exceptional" and these are given out very rarely - maybe 2 or 3 children a week across the whole school.

In the first case, your DD is likely to get one soon (if she didn't already get one back in October and has forgotten about it). In the 2nd case, she might not get one.

Of course if they are given out more frequently than this, she has a right to feel aggrieved.

Thanks for all your comments, made me feel better about things.

Crazygracie, my daughter sounds like yours....I think she does get overlooked as she is smaller, quiet, hardworking and bright.

I asked her if they were ever given out for things like spelling or maths and she said no, they were for things like sitting still and doing a "great" piece of work - like a drawing. So seeing that she is good at spelling and maths that's probably why she hasn't got one!

I've had this and complained after not only was it having an impact on dd's confidence(she started saying her work was rubbish and it's not)the finale was her being forgotten in the sodding assembly after being told she'd finally get one. Taking time off work for nothing and seeing her weeping as she left the hall after a week of excitement was not something I want to repeat in a hurry.

I'd mentioned it before and nothing was done.I got told she was too polite and didn't ask for the stickers that go towards the certificates .One of my friends dc went home and said you get stickers if you roll around on the carpet.

They don't realise how much these damn things mean to kids and how it effects their self esteem.Dd had hardly any stickers on her chart yet she's quiet,well behaved and works hard. She's never had Star of the Week in two years either although others have had it two or three times.On looking at the chart some kids(the loud ,confident or naughty kids)had so many they couldn't fit on.

I think reward systems are pointless and on occasions damaging if not carried out fairly and consistently to be honest. You could ask what she has to do,it might act as a polite reminder.

OMG Rockpool I wish I could say I can't believe it, but sadly I do - your poor girl!

I am not sure I will talk to the teacher as I find him very defensive.

I think I can adequately explain it to dd to stop her worrying about it.

Probably best as you do tend to go over to the dark side and become known as a pita parent if you complain.Having said that dd got the wretched thing a week later and has had a couple of stickers since I went in breathing fire.

Good luck .

With DS2 I ended up asking the teacher in the end what they were getting certificates for. It turned out that as he was taught half in reception and half in year one that he wasn't 'qualifying' for certificates/awards etc in either scheme as reception got them for reading (which he was doing with year 1) and year 1 got them for things he was doing with reception. Once they realised (it had completely passed the teachers by) they made sure he was noticed after all!

My poor dd2 is in the same situation, teacher sings her praises when I speak to her, clever, well behaved etc, in reception so every day a boy and girl get chosen as register monitors for doing something good. She has had this only 5 times, when on ave, considering size of class etc, it should be nearer 13 /14 times.

She had it the other day and was so pleased, might go and tell teacher how pleased she was to be chosen again , finally and by the way when can we have moth eaten somewhat chewed now, class toy, surely it should be her time soon . Trouble is I can almost picture her now when they tell everyone, looking embarassed and as if she wants the floor to swallow her, but she really does care, just won't jump for joy.

I can see that teachers can use these rewards to draw out the shy ones and control the naughty behaviourally challenged, but the good, quiet ones get on with their day lives quietly shrinking inside.

Rockpool that is so :( I'm glad we don't have to go to celebration assemblies, quite apart from the extra time factor. Would just rub salt in wounds seeing the same old parents being cosy together.

My DD didn't get the reward last year and about 2 weeks before end of summer term I asked if there was nothing she could be rewarded for. Surely there is something?
The teacher said no, DD didn't achieve any of her targets any week!!
Next year, same thing- I brought it up again during a parent/teacher meeting. They said helpers are picked at random and I was over reacting.

We have since moved to another school for different reasons.

We should start up a mumsnet appeal to ban Star of the Week.

My DS got very few certificates/stickers in infants and was regularly upset about it. When his younger DD started school and came home with something nearly every day it caused a serious problem at home as DS got extremely jealous and resentful. DD gets certificates for "really enjoying herself" and "trying hard". It seems to be a personality thing, DD is cheerful and helpful, involves herself in everything that goes on, gets noticed and gets a sticker. Poor DS is reserved and quiet, generally bored of most school subjects, hides away from anything going on because he's shy, gets ignored and gets nothing.

I could write much more as this issue really annoys me and leads to much upset at home.

I have an issue about this at the moment. DS's seems to be the forgotten child in his class when it comes to certificates, I know this as it's always on the school letter and a couple of his friends are on their second .

I spoke to the teacher to check he wasn't being really naughty and she said it was just for nice things like being helpful, but they seem to change the 'parameters' (is that the right word) every so often so I have no idea what to encourage him on now. Recently it all seemed to come down to good handwriting.

The good thing is that my mum is on the case now. She said she's happy to play bad cop .

angelinterceptor I'll join your campaign.

oh, DS did get one for eating all his food. This is the child that has polished off every bloody meal ever in his entire life. The boy doesn't need any praise for eating! May as well have got one for blinking.

Ds (yr 3) never gets anything. Suddenly this week he got last half term's reading champion award (given for the best reader in the year and awarded by the school librarian who listens to the pupils read). I had a good laugh as at the last parents' evening his teacher said he didn't understand a word he read.

Usually there are a select few pupils that get every award going. Ds is very talented at things completely unrelated to school.

I'm in the campaign.
They are so badly done at so many schools.
Dd cried one week into reception because she was bright enough to see her behaviour mirrored the behaviour that won others prizes etc.
But she never preceded this with bad behaviour.

I just told her its how the teacher persuades the naughty kids how to learn to be good and as she is already the best at being good, she doesn't need it.

We give out one certificate each week to a child in the class (Y1). During the year every child will get a star award at least once, some may get it more than once. We give out awards for a range of reasons, all specific to that child that week.

"We should start up a mumsnet appeal to ban Star of the Week"

Star of the week means something different in every school though. Sometimes it's just who gets to sharpen the pencils! Or take the register.

ignore my previous figure, some children are on their 3rd/4th. There's 2 types of award and DS has only managed one for eating.

Surely the thing is that sometimes these 'rewards' (like fetching the register) can be used in such a way that it will make a huge difference to the day of one child. My dd1 struggles every day going into class. She is shy and anxious and feels sick every morning going into class. When she was in reception her teacher made her register monitor, so that every day she could choose someone to take with her to get the register - it transformed her day, as she was able to start class with a job to do, which distracted her from her anxiety. It was such a huge positive step for her.

I think the same thing goes for certificates, it is a positive reinforcement for children who may struggle for what ever reason.

I'm in.

hula & * badger but it would be helpful from a worried parent point of view to know how each school hands them. I can't explain to DS why his friends get them and he doesn't. It's more secretive than the Masons.

And FWIW I know life isn't fair and it might do DS to have to try even harder to get one.