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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Help - DS hates school and is not making progress - suggestions please!

5 replies

doraroadgang · 28/05/2012 22:43

Hi, I am looking for some advice or any experiences - bit of a long ramble this, so apologies in advance! DS (yr 3) seems to hate school, he has a good set of friends and is not being bullied, but he hates the concept of it, learning, and being there; it is a chore and something to be endured. It has always been this way apart from last year when a very inspirational teacher made a huge difference, but this year his teacher left mid-term, and a string of supply teachers has unfortunately made it a bit of a disastrous year.

Many mornings he says he feels sick, does not want to go to school, he drags his feet up the pavement looking as miserable as anything and, I think, stays like that all day till I pick him up.

He is not doing as well as he should or could academically, he seems to find it all boring, tho it is not easy for him, he is not impressed or encouraged by stickers, reward charts etc, and in some ways he is too mature for his own good. He is, I think, quite bright, his grasp of other things - science, technology etc is good and he is very articulate, but his glass is very much half empty, if not down to the last dregs!

He is very stubborn and it seems if he doesn't want to do something then he won't, yet at the same time he complains to me that he doesn't understand what the teachers are on about and that he gets muddled up. This year he has made little progress; he struggles with spelling, his maths has gone downhill but his reading has improved. He has been put in an intervention group for confidence (which he loved but didn't let on to the teachers that he did - they all thought he hated it). I have wondered if he may have other difficulties, he displays quite a lot of classic mild dyslexic traits, but I don't think I have enough evidence to take this forward, I am conscious that I may be trying to put a label on him to explain away/justify what is going on.

DD (Yr 5) is very academic and school has always been a joy and very easy for her; I think DS suffers from her love of school and achievements. I have always tried to not compare, but I worry that by not comparing I may be overlooking a real issue and brushing it away as him "being a boy".

As far as the school is concerned, DS is not doing badly enough for anything to flag up as cause for concern, he is well behaved but stubborn and miserable. DH and I are wondering what to do - find a tutor for catch up (someone who he doesn't view as a "teacher"), change schools - I don't know what that would achieve, I just know I need to do something to help improve the situation, find a way to switch on the lightbulb and help him achieve what I think he is capable of.

Most of my friends of boys have children who just get on with it, and are doing well, so any advice, similar experiences etc would be gratefully received!

OP posts:
BlackholesAndRevelations · 29/05/2012 07:49

Erm, go to his current teacher? A year 3 boy child who is unengaged just won't learn, and therefore needs the teacher to be aware. They need to find something that motivates him to learn.

jomidmum · 29/05/2012 08:51

I say that if you have a query over whether he has dyslexia, then do something about it. IMO it's not labelling someone, it's getting a diagnosis of why they are having difficulties. It also gives you ways in which you help your child more effectively.
Is home education a possibility? Not all children respond well to the way in which things are taught in schools; they don't all fit into that mould of learning.

lovemygirlivy · 29/05/2012 10:50

I would get a tutor - like a university graduate or something - someone who is passionate/inspiring about something he is interested in like science for example and do lots of activity based learning with him - so he can see it can be fun.

doraroadgang · 30/05/2012 11:10

Thanks for your replies,

Blackholes - Yes I have spoken to current teachers - he has had 4 teachers so far this year, plus 2 new (permanent) job-share ones started after Easter. Had a meeting with them as soon as I felt reasonable to highlight my concerns and am keeping a tag on it however with them being brand new and having to get to know 30 new kids it is not easy for them either... I think they are picking up a lot of pieces... but need to focus on getting him motivated.

Jomidmum - thank you, I should follow up and investigate dyslexic angle, home ed is not an option really as I and need to work, and want to work. I think he would love to be at home, too much so probably, he has never liked me going to work...

Lovemygirlivy - yes, I totally agree, needs to be someone who has that passion and can pass it on. Quite how to find the right someone is the challenge!

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 30/05/2012 13:27

I think for a lot of boys school doesnt make sense until they see the point for themselves. The mucking around with different teachers wont have helped for someone who isnt interested in the first place.

Structured learning isnt necessarily important. More important can be keeping alive an interest in learning of any sort. Does he have any passions you can encourage out of school?

  • cubs/beavers
  • theatre
  • music
  • a local museum of some sort

My DS (now 13) was very similar to yours at around that sort of age. We found out in year 6 that he was mildly dyslexic. The school gave him some extra assistance which helped. Until then he didnt read at all unless forced. Now he is interested in more complicated stories. He has now read Harry Potter and is working his way through The Lord of The Rings trilogy.

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