Views on twins attending separate schools

[Jupe01]

I have 8-year old twin boys who have, until recently attended a small village school where they are both in the same (small class). To spare anyone the details, I have reached the conclusion that this simply isn't working for either of them.

I wondered whether anyone had experience or views regarding twins attending separate schools. My instinct is to move them and that attending separate schools might allow my boys to have a life outside of being part of a twinship. However, a larger school which allows for separate classes might be OK too.

Research on this issue seems a bit thin on the ground.

Many thanks

might be better logistically to go for a school with more classes in each year. Different schools could cause problems with dropping off and picking up and they would have times together and times apart in the same school.

No idea, but you might want to contact Tamba or The multiple birth foundation, I have toddler twins and went to an MBF antenatal class, they touched on schooling and recommended separate classes. They have a helpline I think

I have friends who put their twins in a one-form entry school, and other friends who made sure their twins were never in the same class. All seem quite happy with their decisions.

If you are thinking of separating them, I think you should move them both to a bigger school with a class for each as just moving one to a new school could be both logistically tricky and also perhaps harder for the one who was moved.

At secondary they can easily be split, and are unlikely to be in the same classes for everything anyway.

Thanks both of you. I really am at my wits end with the school in truth. One of my boys is not joining in anything and the other is taking over the whole class (in a bad way!) The school tell me that they are both 'gifted and able', which is nice to hear but doesn't translate into their everyday behaviour. I just don't think either of them are really very happy there. I was hoping that a distinctly different school (with different after-school clubs etc) might be better for them both. At the moment, one gets cross if he isn't the captain of the football team, and the other stands by the sidelines and watches.

Neither of these are a good mummy spectator sport!

this is quite helpful

That link is interesting. It says around a third of twins are separated, but of all the twins I know, 90% are in separate classes.

I know of several families with b/g twins who have their children at different schools (admittedly single sex). My children (both boys but not twins) are at different schools, each of which suits them (they are very different characters, and I'm sure it is helpful for them not to be compared by teachers all the time).

It can be a pain when you have lots going on, though if you have schools with plenty of clubs then that helps. Neither have ever been late for school, nor have I failed to pick either of them up, though it can take some planning at times!

For identical twins it is tricky....they are so much a part of each other and people treat them as a unit which can be frustrating. My b/ g twins are in the same class , similar abilities and have nothing to do with each other. In fact I know of people in their class ( yes) who don't even realise they are twins. I have no issue in separating them for school other than logistics and holidays.....they are just two kids who share a birthday. Think b/b or g/ g twins...the issue is not so simple. I have used Tamba to help me with our primary school appeal to avoid separating our twins and we won - they really know their stuff and have special education advisors or advocates as they call them.

My ID twins are in the same class (yr1) but the other set of twins in their year are in separate classes. We know a lot of twins (twins club) and all are in the same class as each other at present. One set, however, have little to do with each other and have separate groups of friends (they're ID girls too) whereas my girls enjoy being together and play together at playtime. OP, I think the obvious answer is that you know your twins better than anyone and if your instinct is to split them, then you're probably right.

I have ID boys aged 7. They are in the same class at a small school and get on well. I do think this is partly due to me having been very open with the teachers about their special situation as competitive kids who need their space and be able to develop as individuals. The school has really taken this on board and always puts them in different groups/teams, avoids calling them "the twins", etc. I think this kind of dialogue is really important. If one twin is dominating the relationship and sidelining the other that's good reason to ask for the school's help with separating them as much as is feasible. If they can't or the school is too small I think you're right to move them on. Everything I've read indicates that it's really important that they thrive on their own merits and aren't overshadowed. Separate classes at a big school or two different schools is possibly mainly a logistical issue, unless one school is much better than the other. What do your boys think about your ideas? The idea to talk to Tamba is excellent - think they really know their stuff.

The big trouble with completely seperate schools would be when you have to be in two places at once - parent's meetings, sports day etc. My instinct is to find a bigger school where they can be in different classes, and cope with the afterschool clubs as it happens.

I have twins but they are girl/ boy, and still only 3.5 so a bit different from your situation! I think the thing with any sibling relationship is to make it as fair as possible, but also to account for differences. Personally I would go for a bigger school and separate classes/ some separate activities (perhaps one in common which they both like). I think it will be hard in the future if one school is seen as 'better' or you're choosing who goes to which school and labelling your kids at such a young age (He can go to the 'academic' school, he can go to the more 'sporty' school). They may change, they need access to the same opportunities and chances I feel. I think I will go for separate classes with my 2, but I'm still not sure, as they don't clearly compete yet.

My twin sister and I went to separate senior schools, and we both benefited. Teachers stopped assuming she was good at maths because I was, and stopped asking me why I wasn't as well-behaved as her. We are fraternal, but were constantly compared in our last class of primary.

I think good for you for even considering it. They are two separate human beings with two different sets of finger prints and two separate identities. I always worry about twins who are brought up as one person. Having said that, I don't have them so perhaps I'd be different if I did. I have a friend who applied to a private school for her twins and her view was, if one got in and the other one didn't, she'd tell them that they both didn't get in. Now I don't agree with this because I think each child has their unique gift, as in one may be academic, the other sporty, but I know many who do agree.

I think in Primary school, the logistics of dropping and collecting from different schools could be a nightmare, but I agree with the thinking that separate classes makes it so much easier for twins to be their own individual selves and not 1/2 of a set.
I have a friend with triplets, whose local school was 1 form entry, and she said it was so difficult to get people to understand they are 3 individual children, and don't all need to be invited to things together, or given the smae type of part in the play or chance in the school teams. They are 3 children, with 3 individual personalities, and have blossomed since getting more "space" at their secondary schools.

Thank you so much everyone for all your help, tips, experience and reassurance that I am not mad! This is my first 'talk' on mumsnet, and it has really been helpful.

My OH and I sat down for a mammoth discussion about all of the issues again last night. He is certainly of the view that the larger school and two different classes would be the best option for my boys. We are going to meet with the Head Teacher today to explain our position and why we want to move the boys. We keep being told that there is only one space, but I am sure that I have read somewhere that Michael Gove has just changed the admissions policy such that twins have to be offered spaces where only one place exists. We are also a service family, which might help with any appeal.

Thank you again all

I know a set of twin girls who were in the same class at infant school and this year moved to a bigger school and are know in separate classes. It has had such a great effect on them, they now see each other at break like sibling would, but have there own separate friends and experience things slightly differently. They are getting on a lot better now and when they have playdates they know each have a friend rather than fighting for one child's attention.

I think separate schools might be tricky as one will always be better/different to the other which could create resentment. Separate classes is a good idea though as they will still see each other at school and can play with each together at playtime but they will have there own personal space if they decide they want to be with there own friends.

Not primary school but I know of twins who have made the choice (themselves) to go to separate secondaries. Their mother is delighted as she thinks it will mean fewer arguments!

Can't say how successful it will be, as they only start secondary in August.

I'm a twin. Me and my sister went to the same schools but as soon as we got to secondary school we specifically requested, as did my parents to be in seperate tutor groups. Which we were. But then as soon as we got set for ability we were back in the same classes together!

I dont have twins but I have got 4 kids all born 2 years apart I have juggled Primary/junior school drop off/ pick up and Junior / separate primary school.

You need to be organised but it is utterly possible to do as long as you have the time to do both. In our case I had a 15 mins difference it meant I learnt where to park at the school I dropped off first and also where I picked up first.

Yes it is a lot easier when you collect from just one school but earlier this year I had 2 in different secondary schools and 2 in primary school. it worked fine the 2ndary schools days are rarely at a clash.