playdate etiquette - help!

[newbrunette]

Ds (aged 4) is in reception and has been invited round to a friend's after school next week. This hasn't happened often as he's been slow to socialise, and we've generally done things where I've been there as well. Anyway.... I don't know the mum well and not sure how to ask whether he's been invited for tea as well as a play. Would you just assume the invite includes tea? Ds can't have dairy so I need to let her know if so, but don't want to sound as though I'm inviting him for tea.
So - in short - would you assume that an after-school playdate includes tea as well? Can't quite believe I'm panicking about this. I think I'm a bit worried about how he'll fare on his own...

I would say something like, oh lovely, what time should I pick him up? If she says 6pm then assume it includes tea, if she says 5pm then not. FWIW, play dates here all include tea!

Playdates here always include tea.

Just ask her. Or I like the idea of asking what time she would like you to collect. You could start by telling her about his allergies - she will need to know amyway as there is usually a snack on arrival home from school.

yes playdates here pretty much always include tea/dinner :)

i would just ask what time he should be picked up and tell her about the allergy, regardless of if he has dinner there she needs to know as snacks/drinks etc are part of any playdate and you dont want her giving him a glass of milk!

I think it would be very unusual for them not to have at least a snack so you will need to tell her about his allergies anyway, though, now he's at school I'd expect him to be pretty aware of what he can and can't eat himself - or at least aware enough to ask if it has dairy in it - though I still think you need to speak to the parents as some will just ignore things small children say.

I agree that she needs to know about allergies anyway. Most children will have a snack after school.

Playdates here do not always include tea. Tea as well is usually an extra treat.

I would ask what time she wants you to pick him up as well. If it is unclear then you will just have to pick him up at the allotted time and see if he has been fed or not

I hope he has a lovely time.

At reception age, I would be surprised if he wasn't given tea, tbh. I've never known dc at age 4 to go past 5pm without food! Maybe different at say, age 8/9, but I wouldn't dream of not feeding him. Maybe mine were just gannets but teatime was normally before 5 at age 4.

That's lovely for him, by the way,I bet it feels like a real 'milestone' for you if you say he's been slow to socialise. Hope he has a lovely time.

Thanks so much for all your replies. Very reassuring - I will let her know about the allergy and suggest sending food/picking him up before tea if easier. I think I'm all worried about the food thing because, yes, this playdate does feel like a bit of a milestone and I'm a bit anxious about how he'll handle the whole thing. Especially sitting down and eating with somebody else's family. Eek

I would ask. We don't do a children tea as DD eats dinner with us at 6.30pm so I only give her a snack and drink to get her going.

If I have a friend over I mention this. If it is a very good friend I may be tempted to do some pasta or homemade pizza with them but not necessarily with everyone to avoid "I don' t like this".

He probably won't sit with the family - just the DC's having tea at that time. I am sure he will be fine -after all, presumably he sits and eats his lunch at school with his friends no problems?
Hope he has a lovely time