Changing schools after reception - leaving a lovely school...

[whatalovelyday]

DD is in a lovely school in London, we have found ourselves part of a lovely community, she has a lovely class. Nothing is perfect but I do feel we have lucked out on the school and I am very happy with it and the network it gives us.

We were trying to leave the area before school as in boroughs a mile away we can afford a four bed house and round here we can't. We didn't manage it in time and now she is nearly a whole year into the school here.

I told myself it would be alright if we moved before year one, that we could find ourselves part of another lovely community, that we wouldn't feel like newbies for long, that everything would be ok.

But I'm terrified, to the point of inaction. Our current housing situation is NOT sustainable. To stay round here we're talking over priced larger flat.

Or we move away a bit and do a drive to school, but I love the local thing and walking to school with friends.

Am I lucky to have found this set up and to feel so comfortable and satisfied with the school and community it gives us or is that what we could get anywhere? Would it be hard to fit in coming to a school later and would I always regret leaving somewhere where we felt so happy and settled? Is it hard fitting in to a school community if you arrive "late"?

I know people move ALL the time. I know I'm making heavy weather of it. The fact that we are not talking about a BIG move (to a different town etc) somehow makes it harder to make the jump.

I think I know dd would be ok in the long run, it's the bigger picture, the family, the community that scares me.

Any words of wisdom very gratefully received.

If I were you, I wouldn't want to move her. You have a lovely school and everything is going well. I know and understand why you like living close and walking to school, it is something I would have liked to do when my DDs were little, but for both the nearest school was not the right one for either. You have been fortunate in that you have had the experience of living close but, providing the drive is not too far or impractical, I think this is the route to take. As time goes by, you will probably find you are not the only one to move further away. You could try visiting the local schools to the area you are hoping to move to - that might really make your mind up!

Look, if you're happy and love the community that try and make it work.

Ideas:

Find a fixer-upper. Find a house that needs lots doing - not ideal initially, but will be a smaller mortgage and eventually can be made into your dream home.

Are you working? If yes - can you see a way toward promotion (more pay?). What's holding you back - further qualifications? could you do this part-time (day release to college or Open University?).

If no - have you thought about becoming more involved with the school. At our school at least, quite often parent volunteers end up becoming TAs. A few years unpaid reading books, helping out - may well lead to an offer to become a part-time or full-time teaching assistant & that extra money may be all the difference.

What are your DH/ DP's career prospects? Is it likely that in a few years he'll be earning significantly more? If so - is it possible to penny-pinch and budget tightly for the intervening years?

If you're happy where you are my advice is try and find some way to make it work. There are solutions - sitting there thinking them through isn't inaction - it's planning and that takes time. But if you aren't working - the obvious solution is to find a job (even if it is just the local Tesco) that fits around the school day and brings in extra income.

HTH

Thank you.

Our financial position is v tight right now and won't always be - I'm gave up good pay but family impossible hours when had kids - am nurturing a new currently very part time and very low paid career that hopefully might take off.

Things are complicated by the fact that i actually really fancied a change and to move elsewhere as I have lived round here a lot of my life.

But life has taken over and we are suddenly so very settled.

Property prices in London just get crazier and crazier and seem completely recession proof - houses round here have gone up 20% in last two years!

I think finding a project would be the answer, but no sign yet. I suppose my thing was if we moved now we could still settle elsewhere and be much more financially stable into the bargain - but it does feel that there's a lot of very good stuff at stake.

Most children adapt to school moves without too many issues. Do not base your whole life aound a school choice. That way madness lies.

bamboostalks, I agree, but it's not the school I'm concerned about alone, it's the package that comes with it - community, friends, support networks. We have no family nearby and already have five or more people I can call on if ill and need dd picking up etc. it's also a lovely school but it's everything else besides that scares me.

I worry about arriving somewhere new where all the mum friendships have already been formed, feeling like an outsider, feeling alone, having to start again, dd having to forge new friendships though children do so more easily at this age, perhaps the school not feeling as lovely, feeling like we've sacrificed the wrong things.

Pastsellbydate your point about this not being inaction is absolutely right. I guess a better way of putting it is that I'm am angsting in a not wholly positive way about the way forward. I want to put down roots and that be it and I really regret not doing it before school.

You could always leaflet likely-looking doer upper houses in your area and make it clear you're a family looking to stay in the area but with a limited budget. Don't wait for them to come onto market I reckon!

That's how we found our house in an area where we would otherwise have struggled to afford to live in :)

anyone out there who's moved in this way and not regretted it?

thanks narmada yes that's a good idea too. glad it worked out for you - has it been ok living in an ongoing project??

Are you the sort of person that makes friends easily? If the answer is yes, then I wouldn't be too worried about moving.
If the answer is no, it can be very lonely moving to a new area with no network in place.

You know, I would check out the possible new areas - and schools - and get a feel for the communities there. Don't try and force yourself into a decision until you have more information. It could be that hanging out in local cafes, walking in local parks, visiting local schools in whatever area you are considering moving to (check out MNers in those areas, even?? At least to get some tips/thoughts about it?) will help you feel more secure about moving - or confirm that you're really better off where you are.

Good luck, I totally understand the dilemma - have been there, and so many of our friends have too!

Thank you. I do make friends fairly easily but am also someone who is quite sensitive to the feeling of not being part of a gang/clique etc. I don't know if this happens in schools - I get the impression it does in some. My school feels relaxed because it's not too cliquey (or perhaps I've just found my clique!) So, my concern is it could go either way.

Elibean, so did you move and change school? Did it work out? You're right of course about research etc.

I would think that in some years all playgrounds can be dominated by a clique, to a greater or lesser extent. However equally a lot of the time there is no dominant clique.

If you can't afford to live where you are now, then you need to research new areas. Do also look carefully at Secondaries. It is much easier to get to know people and to fit into the community if you move during the primary years. Do also look for an area with a community feel, activities you and your DD can do to get to know people.
I would also visit it a lot, especially look at local parks over the summer.

You do realise that even if you don't move a lot of your friends may well do so over the next few years?

My dd will be starting a local school next september - walking distance, near ballet, near local shops, lots of local friends support ect - also in London. I would find it so hard to leave - for us i feel the friends/support and having a school that you like is so important i would trade a bigger house for that anyday. I would say stay it you possibly can and then once she is older and your child has more of her own friendships rather than mums and daughter type friendship i would move to driving distance for a bit more space.

Watching with interest. We may be at the point of a big life change. DH would like to move to a village/small town. I have the same issues as you op. the school is ok but the network of friend's ds and I have is brill and I'm not sure I want to leave all that yet. But big picture is important so if quality of life would be better, then the short term upheaval would be worth putting up with.

Apologies for the random apostrophe. Friends. Not friend's.