advice please

[Daisypops]

Haven't posted on here for ages but im a little upset. just dropped my dd at school and two parents were arguing, practically fighting outside the gates. They were using bad language and one called the other a drugged b######. Is there any point me contacting the school i doubt they can do anything. I feel like moving schools as there has been more than one incident i haven't been happy with. am i over reacting?

Yes, you're over reacting.

Not very nice for five year olds to see & hear :( but thats life i suppose

Actually Daisypops I don't think you're totally over-reacting - No parent wants to be taking their children (especially if still quite young - say KS1) past that kind of scene in the morning. And I suspect this is just feeding into a general concern about the school and whether this is the environment you want your young children in.

I think what Indigo was getting at is that withdrawing your children from the school over this may not be the solution you seek as this kind of thing does happen, sadly far too frequently (at our school as well).

I suspect the answer is to raise this with the school first and give them a chance to demonstrate to you that they also don't think this is appropriate behaviour on school premises (which would be reassuring to you, I'm sure).

I would suggest one of two solutions:

1. mention this to a teacher, just verbally, and say that you're a bit concerned about children seeing that kind of behaviour and hearing that kind of language on school grounds.

2. e-mail or write the Head Teacher, stress that you appreciate that there is little that she may be able to do, but that you are concerned that these parents are regularly having disputes on school premises.

From the point of view of a business - you would not tolerate customers behaving like that in a shop, so you may well find the school also feels that adults behaving in this way in front of impressionable children is unacceptable.

The obvious ways to mitigate for this are having a more visible presence of senior staff in the school grounds in the morning or having a word with the parents concerned.

However, please don't be surprised if your school opts for the easiest solution - do nothing. It is understandable, especially if the children are in Y6 and the problem will soon disappear anyway.

No, my point was it happened outside the school gates.

It could have happened in the town centre or at the beach or anywhere.

Your child will hear bad language.

You can only complain about stuff that happens at school - not outside at.

I would report this to the school, do you know who the parents are? I would have gone into the office and reported there and then so someone could witness for them selfs who they are or polietly tell them to stop. My dds school would not tolerate this one little bit.

in fact it happeningoutside the school gate is no reason for not interviening its just an excuss to turn a blind eye. There are lots of parking problems around dds school and this is outside the school gate but the school do get involved. In fact there was a very loud and sweary exchange between a neighbour and parent, the head teacher did get involved.

I think if it is something you had to pass to get into school then the school should be made aware. School needs to be a place of safety, in some areas it is one of the few safe places in children's lives.

If the argument was right outside then it is causing the school problems; maybe the Head could contact the community police to just calm things a bit. If it is further away then there is little that can be done.

We've had a few incidents like this over the years. One mum head butted another on one memorable instance. I didn't witness that one personally ( was quite a while after school pick up and playground was pretty empty).

Our school dealt with these events very quickly and concisely . Police were notified. Adults concerned were contacted and informed their behaviour was not acceptable. Increased staff presence on days afterwards.

In one case one of two warring parents were told to drop off/ pick up at later/ earlier times while situation was dealt with. On another a father was banned from school grounds altogether ( court order).

Im making things sound dreadful here and that's not the care it's only been maybe 3 or 4 occasions on 4 years and 99% of parents are fine, just the odd few who are a bit more off the rails. You'll probably find the school, local police, social services are aware of those involved already and measured are being taken behind the scenes. it is important that the school takes some action.

Speak to your teacher/ head for reassurance but if you're reasonably happy with the school it would be OTT to move her I would say.

I guess the difference is that at the beach or town centre you can anticipate and shepherd your dc away from the arguement, whereas you have to take your child in through the school gate. Mine would probably be quite intrigued by it and ask loads of questions as a learning experience, but I can see that some children would get upset by it, especially if parents of their friends/classmates were involved.

I agree asking to put a staff member on the gate (which is nice anyway), our HT and another teacher greets at the school gate everyday. This might make the school more aware of the issues, and sometimes if a regular problem will ccontact community support officers. For example parking is an issue @ our school, seeing a member of staff deters some people, and the staff regularly seeing dangerous parking prompts them to call for traffic wardens. It may just move the problem down the road a little, but at least then you can choose to cross over.

Changing schools just because of this seems a little extream, but it sounds as if there are other issues with the school going on, in which case only you can weigh up the disruption against the possible gains at another school.

Thanks to everyone for replying. i have contacted the school and they will tell the head teacher. Receptionist said they may check cctv to see if they can see who it was. i said it my be worth having the hd on the gates as it may erupt into a physical fight as it was quite heated.
on a side issue i desperately don't want my dd2 going to this school. Does anyone know if she will have to because dd1 goes there. dd1 is in reception. dd2 is 8 months.

she wont have to just because her sibling does, but if it is catchment school you may not get other choices though, so you can put others as your 1st 2nd 3rd choice but that does not mean she will not be alocated this school

Obviously it is difficult if you don't know the names or whose parents they are, but a reason why the school should be made aware, is that the argument may well spill over to the children, who might be repeating the scene at playtime. Or it could be that the reason the parents are fighting is because of an issue at school such as bullying between their children.

Do you think i should follow it up and see if they have done anything or will be doing anything? Apparently the head teacher walks round the playground greeting people in a morning but I've seen him once :-/ i said it maybe worth him standing by the gate for the next few days.

There is a school closer to us so i will put that one down for dd2 and keep my fingers crossed that our house sells. I will home school before sending dd2 to dd1's school.

What is a catchment school ? If there is one closer to our house will they allow dd2 to go there. sorry if i sound a bit dim the school admissions thing is a minefield to me

I don;t think your are overreacting and I doubt any school would think so too. It is totally unacceptable behaviour by the parents. I would mention it to school. It s not right for parents to be behaving in this manner and swearing at the school gates where they are near to the small children coming to school.

School would probably then send a reminder to parents about acceptable behaviour. They won't name and shame but it might shame the parents intp thinking twice next time.

Indigobell - if it right by the school premises you can complain. They are next to school gates and are parents of that school.

The safest way to ensure dd2 doesn't go there, is unfortunately to move dd1 to a school where having a sibling in the school will give dd2 priority. In areas with catchments it can be complicated as some schools only give priority if you are in the catchment, but explore what priority a sibling would have. It's not a guarantee, as admission criteria can change, and there can be loads of siblings.

You can visit other schools and apply to waiting lists, sometimes you need to reapply each year. If a space comes up then you need to be willing to move quickly. Most children settle quickly if they are moved in first few years.

I'm not saying that you should move your daughter, but just the options available.

Hi Daisypops

Just following up from what duracelbunnies had to say - a friend of mine who was new to our area had to put her DD1 into our school because there were no places at the highly over-subscribed school, although she was in the catchment for this far better school. However last year DD2 was accepted into that school for Class R. That meant DD1 was a priority for transfer and she did transfer to the other school around Easter after about 2 years in our school. So it is possible.

But, like others have been saying, you need to really thoroughly examine your situation in terms of catchments when making your selection of schools.