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Primary education

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I have an especially anxious little boy who is worried that his heart is going to stop...

29 replies

simpson · 23/05/2012 22:07

Hi

DS (yr2 but Aug birthday) is an anxious child.

His previous worry was that if there was a fire how would we get out of the house...

But his new worry seems to be taking over a bit Sad Ever since that footballer (whose name I forget Blush) collapsed with heart problems in a premier game he is worried about his heart (and also the lady dying in the marathon).

It is starting to affect his enjoyment of life ie he did not want me to book him into a footie tournament at half term (because he was worried about doing too much exercise) My dad has got tickets to see GB play in the Olympics (footie game in Cardiff) and he is now saying he does not want to go as he is worried about a player dying Sad

He is a very bright little boy who tends to over think thinks tbh.

I have seen a book that was linked on another thread about helping kids with anxiety (cannot remember what its called and DS has squirreled it away in his room) which arrived from amazon yesterday which may help.

Tonight I asked him to write and draw about what was worrying him and he came to me with a bit of paper with a big heart drawn on it and said he was crying too much to write/draw anything else Sad

Any ideas would be appreciated!!!

OP posts:
MrsCog · 23/05/2012 22:11

Ah your poor DS. How about taking him to the gp for reassurance? Do you have one who is good with kids?

sashh · 24/05/2012 05:48

OK here goes. Change as appropriate.

Your heart and lungs are made out of special muscles, they are special because they never get tired and keep working even when you are asleep.

Your brain has control over them, the lung muscle you can also control your self which is why you can take a deep breath when you want to.

Because heart and lungs are muscles they can be exercised to get stronger. In the case of the heart it can get too strong and big. This is what happpened with the footballer. For your heart to get that big you need to exercise really hard, every day, for about 10 - 20 years. So normal PE and playing can't make that happen.

The lady who ran the marathon was already ill with a poorly heart, she knew she might die but she still ran to raise money.

Both of them had been exercising a lot more than a boy or girl can.

If an athlete has exercised so hard that their heart muscle is big then they have a really low heart rate, it can be 40 bpm. If that is the case doctors can put a pacemaker in to make it go a bit faster or if it has stopped they can put a defibrillator in. That is what the footballer has, so if his heart stops again, the machine in his chest, which has a wire that goes into the heart will send an electric shock that will make it start again.

Now you can take your own pulse. Mummy will have a pulse between 60 - 100 bpm. You will have a faster pulse because you are smaller than mum.

You need a watch with a second hand (or a stop watch), a wrist and fingers. Put the watch where you can see it, use the fingers on one hand to find your pulse on the other wrist. Put your thumb in a straight line and the pulse will be 2-3 cm down your wrist. You need to count each pulse in 15 seconds and then multiply that number by 4. It's a lot bigger than 40 isn't it?

If mum will let you, you can balance a drawing pin upside down on your wrist and it will twitch with your pulse.

Something that happens with boys and girls sometimes is that their heart rate is irregular, this is normal for children. If your heart rate is irregular get your mum to take your pulse, while she is doing that take a big deep breath and hold it as long as you can - your heart rate will be regular for as long as you hold your breath - isn't that cool? It is because in small bodies the heart and lungs cuddle up together and son't interupt each other.

If your Dr has an ECG machine mum can ask him to use that to record your heart beat, but as long as your heart rate is higher than 40 bpm you don't need that because it is not going to stop, it is going to keep on working.

DharmaBumpkin · 24/05/2012 05:52

sashh what a fab post :)

sashh · 24/05/2012 06:03

I can't believe I just assumed your Dr was a man - I swear that is only because my GP is a man.

sashh · 24/05/2012 06:13

DharmaBumpkin
Can you tell I'm a teacher who used to work in cardiology?

TheQueenOfSheba · 24/05/2012 06:19

sashh, that is really sweet of you to post all that for this anxious little boy.

OP, I was just like your DS when I was little. I was on anti-anxiety medication at 8 years old, which I wouldn't advise. For me, having things explained was the best way to help my anxiety. That, and lots of love and cuddles. It should get better with age.

jubilee10 · 24/05/2012 06:43

Ds2, almost 15, is a bit like this. He has always worried about something but, after having flu the Christmas before last, catching something has been his main worry. He won't go anywhere near anyone who is unwell, checks that all food has been cooked as per instructions and is very careful re. Washing his hands. He knows it is ridiculous but can't help it. That said, he is generally a fairly content lad.

latrucha · 24/05/2012 12:59

Sash's post was so kind it made me want to sob!

I don't think I can do better than that and a big hug Simps.

Do you think he will respond to it or will he perhaps find something new to worry about?

MagnifyingGlassSearch · 24/05/2012 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

simpson · 24/05/2012 21:44

Peace - that is the book we have just received from amazon!!! It does look really good I just need to get him a think/worry box to put his thoughts in. That is the book he drew the heart in and the started crying....

Sashh - thanks for taking the time to post that lovely message, that type of thing will be right get up his street!!! I will read him the message tomorrow (he had tea at a friends tonight and came back a bit tired).

LaT - thanks for the (((hug))) I think once he has got over this worry he will find something else to worry about (the previous worry was fires) but I guess it's teaching him how to deal/cope with them...

The queen - we do do lots of re assurance etc but it is quite trying when after talking about it for 45 mins he comes downstairs having been in bed sobbing again, but no I don't want him on mess, that must have been awful for you.

Jubilee - he seems really happy at school luckily and says this is one place he does not worry hence me not wanting to talk to the school about it I case they start talking to him there and he becomes worried at school iyswim.

Mrscog - I think the next step will be the GP I would rather talk to her than the school tbh.

OP posts:
simpson · 24/05/2012 21:44

Meds not mess!!!

OP posts:
mosschops30 · 24/05/2012 21:48

ssshh one of the all time best posts ive seen on MN.

Fantastic Smile

FamiliesShareGerms · 24/05/2012 21:55

Brilliant post, ssshh

Would worry dolls help?

MyCatIsAStupidBastard · 24/05/2012 21:57

Sassh what a lovely post.

I am going to copy just in case I ever have to deal with this.

Simpson- Your poor lad, I hope the explanation works for him.

culturevulture · 24/05/2012 22:09

Great post sashh, that will be very helpful for my DD too who also worries about such things.

purpleroses · 24/05/2012 22:22

My DD went through a phase of asking all sorts of "what if you die?", "what if dad dies?", etc, etc.

At first I tried telling her how unlikely it all was, but this didn't stop her - What I found worked best in the end was just to answer the questions - really bluntly. "If I die, you'd got and live with dad. If dad dies too, you'd go and live with aunty and uncle. If they die too, a social worker will come and look after you and find a new family for you or you'll live in a children's home" And that was what she wanted to hear. All my telling her how unlikely these things were weren't getting her where she wanted - she wanted a simple practical answer to what would happen if people did die. Maybe you could try the same with what if a player dies along the lines of "we'll all be sad. They'd stop the game and we'd go home, and later and his family will hold a funeral and be very sad"

NutellaNutter · 24/05/2012 22:25

Please also have a look at 'The Highly Sensitive Child' by Elaine Aron.

savoycabbage · 24/05/2012 22:30

Brilliant post Sashh.

My dd is a worrier too and last year when she was in year three she started to go and see the school councillor which has really helped her. She gave her a number of different strategies for dealing with her worries.

BertieBotts · 24/05/2012 22:38

Okay, fess up - who else is now searching for a drawing pin? Grin

emdelafield · 24/05/2012 22:42

Not sure if this helps- DS1 ( now aged 20) was v sensitive and worried about a lot of things.He is now very laid back and a bit too much the other way but hey ho,

Anyway when he was wee I tried as far as possible to protect him. Didn't watch television news,was careful about newspapers lying around. Every parent is different but I didn't want to "burden" him with adult worries when he was too young to understand.

I also made a point of being around whenever and wherever he wanted to talk.
My mantra was " is there anything worrying you/ you would like to talk about/ you would like to know the answer to?"

I am not explaining this very well. I just felt there were some things he couldn't deal with at a young age and I took the view that he didn't need to.

Being sensitive and emotionally aware is a gift in later life but tough in childhood.

HotheadPaisan · 24/05/2012 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

biological · 24/05/2012 22:56

Sashh - ace post 2012 - have cut & pasted for future ref

mascarpone · 24/05/2012 22:58

sashh what a fantastic post. I have learnt something new tonight...

simpson · 24/05/2012 23:00

I know the feeling re not letting your child read the newspapers etc etc this is what I do!!! And the news on TV too ((sigh))

TBH he is a very bright boy (the school tell me so ) so I think he tends to over think things, it's good to hear of other people in the same situation.

I will ask him tomorrow if talking to a special teddy/worry doll will help him.

I do have the book The highly sensitive child, just not got round to reading it yet!!! Will make a note to dig it out tomorrow!!!

Am definitely going to read him sashh's post, I think that will really help.

OP posts:
MissBetsyTrotwood · 25/05/2012 15:17

We've had to stop going to the cinema now because DS1 cries in and worries about even the mildly sad bits of films. We only go to see Us. 'The Princess and the Frog' was waaaay too much for him. I might have to read the sensitive child book.

He sounds like a lovely little boy. sashhh your amazing post has brought tears to my eyes... I want to 'report' it for sheer brilliance.